Throughout my life, my time as a counselor and leader in
the church, all the long term relationships and friendships I have experienced,
the books I have read as well as the lessons learnt from my close friends’ and family’s
lives – I have gained a vast quantity of insight and knowledge of the important
factors which we all need in our relationships to make them strong, keep them
successful, and also keep them growing.
Since I started my blog (and even before, through these
past two or so years) and after a good deal of thought, reflection, a great
amount of research, reading up on these type of topics delved into by
psychologists, experts, authors, inspirational writers and even
fellow bloggers; I thought it apt to finally be able to share these wisdoms
with you today. I am hoping these points could positively assist, inspire and
even turn things around for you in your life. Perhaps they could even help you
see things in a different perspective.
There is a large amount of material I have been working
on, and after writing down a lot of what I have learnt and researched, I have decided
to split this post up into separate parts, to make the info more mentally
digestible. We will first be exploring five significant aspects which uphold relationships
and the factors which break them down. Today, we will be looking at the first of
these:
I cannot stress this enough, and anyone who knows me,
knows how highly I value this aspect. Always (always!) be honest to those you
care about. We may at times feel ashamed, guilty or embarrassed about something
that we have not revealed yet to someone we care about. Yet instead of allowing
any kind of untruth emerge causing immense injury to our loved ones and their
trust, it is far more effective to be honest and go through the steps of forgiveness
and resolving the matter than it is to regain trust and repair the damage
caused. Let us not even begin to consider the amount of hurt, pain and
suffering dishonesty causes others. This includes all kinds: lies, deceit, cheating,
backstabbing/gossiping, lies, ‘white lies’ etc.
Dishonesty causes a rift in the relationship caused by a
cycle of shame, embarrassment, guilt and the like – all the while pushing the
other person further away causing more complications. However, truth and
reconciliation (or effort and attempting to do so), will ultimately draw both
people closer together as we admit to being wrong but wanting to repair what’s
been done and hopefully close up the rift before it gets to wide and too big to
bridge the gap. After many times going through this myself, including the last
time in the beginning of this year when I lost a best friend of mine due to me
being lied to and deceived, I can definitely confirm this for a fact. It only
took a couple of days to transpire, but that was more than enough to damage our
close and special bond for life.
There are two old quotes which I have heard a long time
ago that have stuck with me: “Trust takes years to build, seconds to break and
forever to repair.” The other is similar: “Trust is like a broken glass. You can
never put it back together, and even if you do, there will still be cracks.
Things will never be the same again.” Keep in mind also, the old English
Proverb “honesty is the best policy” is the best approach and mind-set that you
can have. The writer was so correct in saying this because an honest and true quality
is always highly regarded and more appreciated above any form of a lie. Think
about that for a minute, and consider it next time you are faced with this decision
in your life.
In the next few weeks, we will be looking at the next important
value we should be cultivating in our relationships. Following this, I will be going deeper into the topic of relationships, and delving more into five more valuable aspects we need to nurture in our lives. Until then, I wish you
well and may you all be blessed in the relationships you hold dear in your
lives. Keep strong, keep positive and keep on working at things. You never know
when a slight shift in your mind-set or attitude change may tip the scales in
your favour.
Love, happiness and blessing be yours in all the connections you
share with your loved ones. Have a beautiful week!
