The Freedom of Forgiveness

We have all been there. Be it a fall-out with friend or family member, someone who used you, perhaps a lie or deception. There could be any or many ways someone can cause us pain. Whatever the issue was that caused us harm, we are all faced with the decision in the end: forgive or hold on. What I have learned in my own life is that sometimes the best thing you can do is to let go of what is hurting you, because by holding on it causes you even more damage.

But why is it so difficult for a lot of us to forgive and let go? Here are three reasons this could be (and the ways to overcome them):

1. Resentment

We feel victimised, wronged, and makes us hold a grudge against the other person. Perhaps you are waiting for the other person to apologise to you, to make things right, or to explain themselves. Whatever the reason, holding onto old past hurts have a negative impact on your health and well-being. Bearing a grudge is one of the unhealthiest things you can do to yourself, and causes a lot of unnecessary stress. Keeping these ill feelings towards someone, to the pain, the disappointment or staying angry; hardens your heart and only hurts only you. It is not worth it, what the other person did to you is not worth it, to keep yourself in a prison of unforgiveness.

By not letting go, a lot of harmful, negative factors come into your life from retaining resentment: Carrying over bitterness and anger into other relationships, feeling disconnected with other people, depression and anxiety, not being able to enjoy life because you constantly remember the past, feeling that your life lacks meaning or purpose or that you're at odds with your spiritual beliefs, mental and emotional stress leading to physical stress manifesting, tension with the other person or people when you are around them, general unhappiness and frustration too. By letting this happen, we give away our power, our right to happiness, our freedom.

Do not let yourself get to this stage, and if you are there already, work on getting back on track to concentrating on your own peace of mind and happy space. Whatever happened, or if there may have been a reason for it or not, is not important. What is though, is your ability to let go of what happened so to move on with your life and focus on the things and people who do not let you down. And if there is a chance of reconciling the relationship, one must take it because sometimes people do make mistakes or are too focused on their own lives. Relationships are precious, value them and make them count wherever and whenever you can.

2. Retaliation

We want to hurt them back or pay for what they did to us, or even those we love. Feelings of anger, frustration and even thoughts of revenge may pop up in your mind. They hurt us, so now they must pay, they have to feel our pain and what they put us through to understand how we feel too. It seems unfair that we need to bear this burden, yet they walk away with apparently no conscience or feelings of remorse. This is a deadly trap to let ourselves fall into!

How do we determine if we have any of these bad feelings still left undealt with? By talking excessively about the event or the person responsible, by bad-mouthing them, how it or what they did still bothers you, and by letting it get to you bringing bitterness or hatred into your heart. Do not hold onto those miserable feelings inside and allow them to interfere with your life. Forgive and truly let it go. Do this for yourself. When someone you care about hurts you, you can hold on to anger, resentment and thoughts of revenge — or embrace forgiveness and move forward. But if you don't practice forgiveness, you will be the one who pays the most. Whether or not the person is a friend, family member, colleague, etc. who you want or need to keep in your life, they could be oblivious to your hurt and continue living out their lives. So, in saying this, if you hold onto unforgiveness, you see that this does not affect the other person in any way. This is for you, and you alone.

Keep this in mind also, what you say and what you do matters. When you show kindness to others, your words and actions have a positive ripple effect which spreads out to affect many people. The same thing happens when you are impatient, intolerant or indifferent to others. By embracing forgiveness, you can also embrace peace, hope, gratitude and joy. Consider how forgiveness can lead you down the path of physical, emotional and spiritual well-being. Remember that the Law of Attraction or laws of Karma, works in that what we do or allow to happen to others, all comes back to us (in abundance). We have not to worry about this part, allow the natural course of action which God has structured into the Universe, to naturally run its course.

3. Rejection

We put our guard up, a defence mechanism against getting hurt all over again. Perhaps a new friendship or partner comes into our lives, yet we cannot find the strength to get close to them because of the way we were hurt in the past. Or perhaps we are so afraid of going through the same problems all over again that caused us hurt before. This is a very difficult thing to deal with, because the world is full of people out there with no regard for others. Myself, family and friends continue to get hurt often by thinking the next person will be different, but this is not so in many cases. A friend told me the other day, we should not let those who hurt us stop the ones that won’t, to come into our lives. He was so correct and inspiring by saying this. Fortunately, not all people are the same, and we should not let the ones that caused us harm get in the way of those who mean us well and are truly there for us. Let go of the ones that cause you drama, or aren’t really there for you. Life is too precious to waste on those that are self-serving or say they are there for you but aren’t. There are plenty of true friends and people out there who will not reject you, so focus on these one and forget about the rest. No need to worry about or overthink the situation, they will get what they deserve when it comes to their fate and the Karma which comes back. All we have to do is concentrate on ourselves (our own peace and happiness) and those who are truly there.

Although forgiveness can be very difficult, it is necessary. You need to set yourself free. There is a favourite quote of mine from author Lewis B. Smedes: “To forgive is to set a prisoner free and realize that prisoner was you.” So, how we do this? Certain clashes you have with others are inevitable. No two people are the same, and at some point there will be a difference of some sort. These things are unavoidable, especially when it comes to miscommunication, people letting you down, or any other small human error. These things are petty in the grand scheme of things, and could easily be forgiven. We are all human and make mistakes or take each other in the wrong way from time to time. Miscommunication is one of the biggest culprits, but never a reason to break up a relationship / friendship because of it. Such is life, as they say, and we all need to learn to own up for our own misgivings where due.

We are not perfect. We must forgive ourselves too. We did what we could at the time to the best of our knowledge what was right. We may have spoken some truth or made a decision that others did not like, but standing up for oneself and speaking out is not wrong. Learn to forgive and let go, in order to set yourself free from those burdens which hold us back. Be free to live your life without any care for the past and move on in the confidence that you don’t need to revisit any old thoughts, hurts or previous toxic relationships that kept you back in your life. Remember to live in the now, to make the most of your life and stay in your happy space all the coming days ahead.

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Remember this: Forgiveness is never about the other person, but yourself. It is about how we have let go of the hurt, how we no longer feel the effects of what happened to us, and how we have let it go and left it behind us in the past – where it belongs. Forgiving someone does not mean that you have to be friends with them again, it just means you have let everything go and not let the past experience and pain affect you anymore. When you can look back at an event or someone who caused you the pain without it affecting you (even when you are around that person) then you know that you have healed, you have forgiven, and you have moved on with your life. 

Let us strive to get to this point, for our own well-being and happiness. Be strong. Be uplifted and rise above the past. Let peace and love radiate from you, a light for all others to see.

Be Adventurous!

Upon the work desk, my phone buzzed – a notification – it was my best friend who sent me a voice note. As I listened intently, I could hear the excitement in her voice: “My friend, you are the proud winner of a weekend away to Splashy Fen, a whole four days with me!” After a few seconds of the mind-numbing news, the realisation hit me and excitement filled my being. This music and arts festival is one I have wanted to go to for many years and is held every year over the long Easter weekend. Since I was younger, a lot of my friends had had the opportunity of experiencing it. Now it was our time. Finally. I had not ever won anything in my entire life, yet here was my friend making that a reality too by inviting me along after winning two tickets to go. This was to be a time I will never forget. “We’re going on an adventure!” I exclaimed back enthusiastically in a reply voice note, in true Bilbo Baggins style (if you have read the book or seen the film ‘The Hobbit’ by J.R.R. Tolkien, one of my favourites, you will understand the comparison). Our very own adventure, another of many which we enjoy so much together.

The days and weeks passed, rather slowly at times, as is the norm for anticipated events. But the day finally arrived, after much planning, discussing – and waiting. We were ready to go! Road trips are always a favourite of mine, travelling to different places you do not normally go and all the sights and smells to behold. The fresh air especially, when going into the countryside, is the best. Stopping along the way at another good friend of ours, we visited to say hello, and got spoiled with a delicious healthy smoothie but then were back on the road. The road was easy but fun, and our destination: Underberg. Set in the lower foothills of the Drakensberg, beautiful route, stunning venue and countryside where we found ourselves. Four days of camping, watching live concerts and acoustic performances, as well as arts and craft stalls to see, yoga sessions in the mornings to wake up and start your day the healthy way. Especially for those who had just a little bit too much to drink the night before. There were many of those. Some nursing hangovers or sleeping in from a late night the night before. Not us though, we were there to enjoy our time to the fullest. Let us not forget too, most importantly, time together and with the friends we ran into whilst there. Happy days!

Through this adventure I was reminded how vital and healthy it is to experience life in this way. It is so necessary to grab hold of opportunities and experiences that come our way, because these fill our being with joy and fulfillment. After all, we only have so much time to do them, or do all the things we love. As I have spoken of in the past, we never know when our time is up – so make it count. Go to lunch with your friends, call or text that friend you have not spoken to in a while, choose to take that road trip to your favourite beach out of town, get away from home and take a trip somewhere for a weekend, do spur of the moment things, step out of your comfort zone - even if just a little bit. The opportunities are endless. Similarly we could also decide the opposite. Perhaps today is the day we are staying in (instead of getting out as usual), and end up staying in bed (alone, with our partner, or with friends, and watch movies all day (especially during rainy weather, my favourite type). Whatever the case is, take the opportunity that is presented to you. Be adventurous! Explore, experience, enjoy! You won’t be sorry you did. You never know if the opportunity will present itself again.

Healthy Body = Healthy Mind = Healthy Spirit

For almost a year and a half now, I have made the decision to make a point of focusing on my health – by eating the right foods, doing what I can to improve my health, take whatever supplements I require to stay healthy, get the right amount of daily nutrients, drink enough water, get enough rest, and make sure I keep exercising and doing yoga like I had been so diligent to do in the past. I can’t say that I have been exactly strict with myself on the exercise part but have found over the past couple of months that my time for yoga has improved, yay me!

However it is still not good enough as this had all been a daily routine for me before and, especially lately, has been less frequent. Regular exercise of any form is so important to add to healthy eating and lifestyle choices, and so I press on to overcome this sinister spirit of procrastination and distractions that stop me from doing what I love and need. Just like these same things have been keeping me from pushing forward with my writing recently. But this is going to be no more, I will prevail! This is one of my latest lessons I am currently going through in my life and so I will keep pushing on through it. So, what is the point of this? Well, through my experiences on this road to a healthier me, I realised a very important lesson in all of this which we should all heed. Taking care of yourself is so very essential, and not just because it is the only body you have. That is unless someone miraculously discovers the fountain of youth anytime soon, or science invents something to reverse the ageing affects, or even transfer our consciousness into another body (perhaps I have been watching too many sci-fi movies lately!).

Until then however, we need to be cautious with the way we live. When we provide into our diet all the nutrients that we need, our minds and so, our emotions and mental state, also are affected and improved. When this takes place our spiritual selves are happier and feel more alive because our minds (and bodies) are functioning properly and are in a good, healthy state. So, the same thing will apply to eating too much 'junk' food, consuming any foods or drinks with preservatives, taking too much prescription medicines, and so forth. Now, I am just speaking in general here about what I have learnt, with some people it will be different depending on whether they are suffering with some or other health issue. A lot of us have something we are battling unfortunately. We need to keep in mind though, that we have to guard ourselves and our health for our overall well-being. 

But we can do whatever we can, to the best of our abilities. If we are doing our best, we should not feel guilty or bad about ourselves. We are not robots, and are human after all! I have found that we need to have a healthy balance of all aspects of our lives; which promote a healthy body, mind and spirit. Too much of anything can be bad for you, and this applies to everything. Get enough sleep if you can manage it, don’t overwork yourself, spend time with your families and friends, spend and live wisely, don’t procrastinate and do what you can – when you can, drink enough water, eat healthy but treat yourself too once in a while at least. Do what you love, laugh, sing, dance, or whatever makes your heart and soul glad. We only live once. They say if you do it right, once is enough. And that is an encouraging thought!

Your body is sacred and a wonderful gift, look after it. By keeping your body as healthy as you can, you honour that and this leads to a whole chain of health benefits. Many physical ailments are linked to our diet, such as migraines/headaches, skin problems, indigestion, blood pressure, gout, and so on. This is where the analogy comes in that your body is a like a temple and we should treat it as such. Well, what does this actually mean? The way one would treat a sacred place such a temple, would be that of respect, care, appreciation, and even love. Do you understand now the relevance? Added to this, think of what it means when you enter into such a sacred place: a heightened sense of reverence and awareness comes over you, the honour and consideration we feel to that particular place. This attitude applies to us too. Once we become aware of what our body needs and become conscious on the choices we make in looking after ourselves, we will start living healthier, leading to a happier and balanced life in general.

Let us all be more mindful of this as we go through each day, remembering to live in the moment, but not in neglect of ourselves. We are just as important. It is up to you, and you alone. Love yourself!