What Makes or Breaks Relationships, Part 3 - Trust / Respect

During the past few weeks we started looking at two of five of the most important aspects for having healthy and fulfilling relationships with each other. Today we are looking at another very significant attribute which is most highly valued. With all relationships in life, as it grows you begin to trust and respect each other more and more as time goes on. However, after building these virtues over a period of time - sometimes a vast one depending on how long you know the person - is very easy to destroy in an instant. These are particularly very delicate values, so be aware to handle with care!

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Trust / Respect

You cannot trust someone whom you do not respect, nor can you respect one you do not trust. So, both trust and respect go hand in hand. Exceptionally vital to our relationships with others, these qualities are built up over a period of time, and do not just magically exist. Hence why in the beginning of a relationship (of any form), this is the time which is most sensitive and fragile. But no matter at which stage you are in your relationship with the other person, both could be lost in an instant if broken. So look after your relationships with those you love, it is not all about yourelf, but both of you.

Similarly, if you truly love and care about those in your life, you will endeavour to build these things with them. No relationship just happens - as with anything worthwhile in life - it takes commitment, work, patience and perseverance to form. Also, if there is lack of these qualities, we need to look at what we can do to assist and support each other to regain it back. This goes for fears and insecurities too. You should be helping one other bear these and overcome them. No relationship has room for selfishness and both parties need to work at this.

We have heard the old saying, "Any relationship is a two-way street". Rather, it is a one-way street, where both people travel in the same direction, side by side, supporting and helping each other, each working at their part. In this way, we can reach any point in our lives whilst having a healthy relationship which does not fail and is supportive in every way.

Also look out for the things which destroy trust, respect and other good qualities in your relationships. These things include:

• Dishonesty or any form of lies
• Speaking badly of their friends or family, or gossiping
• Humiliation or making fun of them in front of others (there is a fine line between joking and humiliation, so please be careful with this)
• Not taking their views, feelings and personalities into account, when it comes to anything
• Picking on insecurities / flaws / behavioural habits
• Cheating in whatever form, especially in romantic relationships. Any kind of intimate and romantic betrayal with someone else other than your partner - is still cheating! This includes flirting, seeing other people behind their back, intentions of hooking up with someone, and kissing someone else (still cheating, no matter what you may say) 

I could go on, but I think I have pretty much covered the major stuff.

Something to ponder on: How you treat others, how you speak to them, what you say and do (behind their back or in front of them), the way you care or not for them, if you show them affection or attention, etc. - is not a statement about that person. If someone is nasty to you or treats you wrong, it says nothing of them, but a lot about you.

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The relationships we have been blessed with in life, are so precious and a priceless gift. Yet so many people are careless with others' hearts and feelings. We should be building each other up, encouraging, supporting, and loving them. We should be showing them they are beautiful, that they are accepted, that they are so loved! Otherwise our words are meaningless.

We cannot expect others just to know how we feel, we should be showing them that what we say and do match up. No wishy-washy efforts are acceptable in healthy relationships. They should be authentic. They should be real. We should be real - and upfront. No assuming. This is how we build trust and love ... respect is then returned to us, along with so much more, fulfilling the law of attraction in our lives.

What Makes or Breaks Relationships, Part 2 - Communication

Last time we started looking at the five most important aspects we need in our relationships which make them successful and keep them strong. After a past busy couple of weeks, I am proud to bring you the second installment of this series, so sit back with a cup of coffee, tea, your favourite beverage (or a glass of wine!) and enjoy the read...

Building, maintaining and keeping relationships strong, is pretty much like building a house. First you need a strong foundation, four pillars/cornerstones, four walls and a roof to make it complete. We have begun with one of the four pillars last time ('Honesty'). Next, the other three pillars ('Communication', 'Trust/Respect', 'Intimacy and Affection') and lastly we will go into 'Love', being our most important feature and most-needed for a strong foundation.

As mentioned last time, we will be exploring deeper into this subject afterward, first by looking at the 4 walls which hold the foundations of our relationship together ('Commitment/Loyalty', 'Friendship', 'Freedom', 'Patience'); and finally ending off with the metaphorical roof of this house ('Compromise & Understanding').

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Communication

This is a very significant feature we all need to remember to keep going with each another. By being quiet about something that is weighing on your heart or troubling your mind (be it either in fear of how the other person will respond, to keep the peace so to avoid an argument, or because you are ashamed/embarrassed about a specific something), it can be very dangerous and detrimental to the bond you share. Like a festering sore, whatever is unresolved or not made known between both of you will get greater as time goes on, until the problem becomes full-blown and out of control or enormously challenging to patch-up. And sometimes it could never be the same again.

Communicating is best done in person, from what I have learned in my own life. I have often heard advice about writing a letter to someone you love or care about, if you battle to express yourself and explain how you feel. Truth be told, this may very well be a brilliant idea but the problem lies in how the other person takes what you are saying and translates it in their own tone, which is based on what their current condition of where their heart and mind are. If that person is in a bad place, or the wrong mood, this could end up disastrous. In my own experience, I have had far too many misunderstandings with my own loved ones because of this very fact! But once speaking in person, literally every time, the matter was resolved because they (or I) have received the communication in the correct way. So hearing it from your own voice, would be the best approach - even if this means you have to read what you have written. Same goes for emailing, texting, and social media (unless of course you made a voice or video recording that is, it all just depends). :)

One important fact we all need to keep in mind, is regarding involving others in your relationship issues instead of your partner/friend/family member/etc. This breeds even more problems than what there are originally. So in fact, a small matter may grow to be a much larger one, all because we did not keep to resolving with the person involved first. Not to mention you will have dragged other people into the biased views of your side of the matter at hand, and thus causing unnecessary stress for all involved. Yes, there may be times where you think to see things clearly and know what is right and wrong. However, there will almost always be something said or done on your part that also contributed to the miscommunication and argument, so always try and see both sides and keep communicating! The only time we should be bringing other people into it, is if you’re getting counselling together because you both want healing to begin and need the aid of someone else as last resort.

Find the fault together, talk it through, forgive and move on with a clear solution to assist each other for the next time something similar may occur. And always keep in mind, honesty and communication go hand in hand. Always make sure you are moving forward – not backwards and not standing still. We are to grow together, not grow apart.

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Remember that in a relationship of any kind, if you truly care about the other person; there should be no secrets, no lies and no broken promises. There will be commitment - to each other, to brighten each others' lives, and to support each other in everything. This fact is based not only on honesty (which is what we discussed last time), but also in that we need to always be communicating with each other and thereby building up a strong bond of trust, which then in turn earns respect and brings us closer together (intimacy, affection and love). So in all of these aspects in building good relationships, each of these things depends on all the others for it to stand strong - just the same way the foundation, walls, pillars and roof of a house all support each other to stand strong and weather the storms in life.

So lets be true, communicate, open our hearts and be open to those we are blessed with. You never know when they will be taken away from you and you will never have that chance again.