7 Steps to Attaining True Happiness

So the last few months have been a busy time. Busy with life, and busy learning so much through all of the ups and downs I have encountered on the way. This year started out alike to how last year ended, full of troubles, sadness and obstacles on my path. But I resisted. Learning from previous experiences I have been through, I chose not to give in and let these issues get the better of me. Every time keeping focus on all the positives in my life, the truly important people still remaining in my life after some had left, and focused all my attention on the things that needed my attention. The months that ensued these negative events in my life were a little turbulent at first but as I kept my focus and positivity; I overcame it all, learnt a great deal, and found myself happy regardless. It has been difficult, I won’t lie. Today I can say I am truly happy with my life and all that I am blessed with: a permanent job finally after working hard towards this for so long, a beautiful home overlooking my town including a sea view, my own reliable transport, amazing friends and family, my good health, food at all times, clothing and warmth, running water and all the other comforts of home (to name but only a few).

How did I get to this point in my life, and how is it that I could stay so positive in the face of such adversity and carry on through it all? Friends, family, colleagues and acquaintances I have met along the way have asked me this. Perhaps it is time to share my successes I have achieved regarding this in more detail, in the hope that you too can apply these practices and lessons too and achieve success in this. Believe me, the road of life is never all a dark, cold, menacing and frightful road. It is made up of many ups, downs, flat roads, straight or windy paths, dark valleys and high mountaintops too. We just have to make the most of every step of the way of this magnificent life that we are blessed with, for everything happens for a reason and each stage is to teach you something, helping build and grow your character.

We should be living right now, in the present, today. The rest is untouchable, and no amount of stressing, worrying or over-thinking the past, future, and even today with all its trials and tribulations – will ever fix any of that. It robs today of its joy, steals your happiness and peace. This should not be so, for this moment shall never again come to pass. But how do we get to this place of harmony and sound thinking, I hear you ask. Well, there are numerous ways to achieve this, and all by the power of reconditioning our minds and our way of thinking. Everything starts with our attitudes. These affect our thoughts and way of thinking, which in turn determine our actions, which then affects our lives and ultimately, our future. Let’s look at the some various things we can start doing to get to this place of peace and having more of a sound, strong mind…

1. Focus on your blessings – not the negative, depressing troubles weighing you down
There are plenty of troubles and pains in this world and throughout your life, but what a lot of people do not realise is that there are far more blessings and positives to count than the negatives. Even when it may seem there is more bad points in your life to count than good, if you look closely, you will find so many blessings to be thankful for. By having an attitude of gratitude, we shift our focus from what is going wrong in our lives over to all the things going right. By doing this, you stop worrying so much over the bad and letting it have so much control in your life. Your thoughts, energy and time that was once spent over stressing and being depressed over the bad, becomes free. This freedom allows you to get focused on the people and things that matter and are still in your life. It ultimately helps you in not missing all that is right and good in your life, which is happening right now. These are things that deserve your time and energy. Forget about the rest.

2. Stop comparing yourself to others and learn to love yourself
You are unique, one of a kind. Beautifully created in every way, inside and out. Comparing yourself to someone else proves useless, one cannot compare two things of equal worth even though different but has equal usefulness and value. No-one is the same as another and this includes our distinctive array of talents and gifts. If you feel you are not gifted with anything useful then you still have a lot of work on yourself to do, including discovering more on learning who you are and what you are capable of. No person can ever be you or fill your place, nor can you do this for anyone else. You have been created to be you, so be just that and shine your own light for everyone else to see. It really does not matter what other people think of you, their opinions are not necessarily the truth and a totally biased viewpoint from how they see you or think about you. The only thing that matters is how you see yourself. There are many negative thoughts and questions we keep asking ourselves when comparing ourselves and lives, often caused by the importance we place on what others’ think of us. Things such as: why am I still alone and single, am I not good enough for my friends / family / partner, I am not as talented or gifted as he/she is, why can’t I be more beautiful or desirable, if only I could be as well-off as he/she, etc. There are an endless array of these, these are but a few. We should be shifting our emphasis off other people and comparing, back onto ourselves and focus on working on us. After all, we are the only ones accountable for our own soul, mind and heart – nobody else. When it comes to relationships of any kind, it is far worse to be trapped in one that is so wrong for you than to be without that person at all. Remember this! Your well-being of your heart, mind and soul is far more important. When you accept yourself, and this means totally – including your flaws and weaknesses – you will find yourself one step closer to self-acceptance, forgiving yourself for your own mistakes because you are only human and mess up from time to time like we all do. Finally you will be able to love yourself for the beautiful, amazing being you are created to be.

3. Find ways to put the past in the past, and keep them there
The past can often come back to haunt us, and this comprises of times where we have thought we have dealt with something and left it in the past but something happens to remind us of these hurtful or upsetting times. The truth of the matter is this: if we still get upset, are uncomfortable speaking of and cry over things that happened in the past, we have not yet gotten over them and still allow those occasions to affect us. In the events that involve people, it also means we have not forgiven them and harbour a grudge or resentment towards them. Once you reach a point where you can talk about something and not be upset over it, you have left it in the past once and for all. It then finally loses its power over your emotions, mind and life. Remember, forgiveness is essential in moving on and this means leaving it behind you completely. Forgiveness has nothing to do with the other person but has everything to do about you – you do this mostly for yourself and your own peace of mind. Whether you forgive someone or not, it doesn’t affect them in any way. You can hold a grudge as long as you live yet the other person can live a fulfilled happy life while you continue to suffer with constant thoughts on circumstances and individuals which you allow to continually hurt yourself. In the end, you basically end up hurting yourself by harbouring unforgiveness in your heart. We are all human and are flawed, just remember to learn to forgive yourself too and make peace with everything and everyone wherever you can.

4. Learn from what happened and apply it to your life now, for future experiences
No one likes to go through bad patches in our lives but I have learned we always have a choice: we can either let it affect us by having power and control over us, or we can decide to turn things around and use it for our own benefit. We can do this by using everything (yes everything – there is always a lesson to be learnt) to learn from, grow, strengthen, gain wisdom and insight that we can grasp from each situation. Every time you choose to learn from and get over a calamity in your life, you win! The way life works too, is that we sometimes go through the same lesson over and over again, until we learn what we need to from it. I never saw this in the past when I heard it from a friend, but it has proven so true in my life. Especially over the last two years when I could finally see it happening after I started examining my life and each hurdle I came to after that, and started making some changes in my attitudes towards these trials and adjusted my way of thinking. If you are battling to put something behind you, make sure you find a way how to and remember to look for the lesson to be learnt so that the next time you can avoid going through a similar experience, standing strong in the face of it.

5. Don’t worry over things you have no control over
I have spoken of this in a previous blog, on how my mum taught me this very valuable lesson. If there is nothing you can do about something your mind is occupied about, or if it is something that happened in the past, or even something that is yet to come – do not worry about it, there is no point! What amount of worrying, stressing, being anxious, or over-thinking (especially this, which can create a whole lot of new paranoid thoughts and feelings); can ever change that situation you are fretting over? Answer is absolutely nothing, it does not change a thing! So let it go, put it behind you and concentrate on what you can do now. If there isn’t anything you can do now, then there is no reason to worry and you are letting your mind and heart be robbed of its happiness and peace. You are also being robbed of your time doing so, which you will never get back again. Do not let this happen. Every moment in your day you have a chance to be happy about something, make each moment count. I feel that maybe we place too much importance and focus on the obstacles on the way, forgetting that these make us stronger to endure the rest of the journey and so help us become stronger to face any bigger obstacles that may come up in future. Too much focus is also placed on the past and all that happened before this, or what is yet to come including the worry and anxiety of what shall we do when this or that happens. Not past nor future occurrence is touchable, tangible and accessible. Do not burden your mind with these times.

6. Don’t worry about the opinions, actions and words of others
There is an old saying, “What others think of you is none of your business”. I heard this long ago but have only just recently in the last few years finally seized this knowledge and applied it to my life. We are all equal, none of us having dominion or any sort of authority over another as a human being. That includes making us feel any less of ourselves than what we are, we are all special and unique in our own right and no one should be allowed to make us feel any less than beautiful, amazing and good about ourselves. Nor should any have the power to decide what another person should be doing in their lives and how they choose to do it. If we want to do something because we love doing it, then no one else should tell us we cannot do it, or judge us for doing it (especially if they themselves are doing the same). By allowing yourself to listen to others opinions and nasty or judgemental remarks, you give that person power over you – to create misery, depression, oppression, hurt and frustration caused in your being and life. Don’t let this occur, take back control over your own life. Even if these people are those you care about, it does not matter! What matters is those that remain by your side and are on the same mission as you. The ones inspiring you, looking out for you and caring for you. Focus on these people and leave the rest behind. As hard as it is, we need to take care of ourselves too.

7. Focus on yourself, and what makes YOU happy
The best way to make yourself happy is to do what you love and by concentrating on your joys in life. This is turn creates happiness and satisfaction while you do these things – so in turn bringing about a cheerful environment, light aura and enjoyable mood about you. The more you do these activities, the happier you will find yourself, but we have to do this on a regular basis. I have learnt this in the recent months through the stresses and busy times of everyday life, that I too have been neglecting myself and my passions. I discovered that also by not allowing ourselves time like this for us, we neglect your own soul, mind and heart – we can easily fall into the trap of letting outside influences affect our life and joy. It is also found that setting some of your time on your loves in life, is a way of occupying the mind; getting it focused off the stresses, pains and frustrations of everyday life; and at the same time bringing your soul the rest, recreation and relaxation it needs. When it comes to self-love and self-acceptance, you have to realise that you deserve happiness, joy, peace and love. You deserve to do what you love doing, because that’s what YOU are all about. It is not about someone else. So look at focusing on those and do them today. It is so worth it, and so are you!

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Every moment you live is an opportunity for you to be happy. You know how sometimes it seems that life is just throwing you one curved ball after another? Well, guess what, you have a great way to respond! You can use every opportunity, every single one, to be happy. Enjoy your life. Don't just take a shower – feel and receive pleasure from the water on your skin, feel it washing away all the negativity and worries on your mind. Don't just take a walk – enjoy the sights and sounds all around you, the fragrances of the trees and the flowers. Don’t just eat and drink – take time to taste and enjoy eat bite or sip to the fullest. Don't just drive your car – sing to your favourite songs. Do everything with this approach and you will find yourself enjoying each moment of the day. Do not waste a single moment to find reasons to be happy, there are so many of them!

The Virtues of True Friendship

There is a lot that can be said for true friends, and what it all means. You find all kinds of quotes, proverbs and little pieces of wisdom that range from the same old mundane ones to really profound, deep explosions of enlightenment in your heart. For me, my close and oldest friends have always been my second family. I have learned a lot through many of them, yet much more also through all the friendship experiences I have found myself in, right through my life. And I am still learning. I learn all the while more and more which valuable and respected traits we should be looking out for to point out whether a friend is real, fake, or if their friendship is just a fickle one and falters at the first sign of trouble.

Recently, I have found myself thrown back onto a learning curve on the road of my life when it comes to this. Through various experiences and tough situations taking place in the last year and a half, it has reminded me of what virtues any true friend should possess. Like a metaphorical light bulb going on above my head, realisations have hit home. Illumination upon the dark corners of self-doubt in my heart, and suddenly I recalled once again what I am worth, what I deserve and how things should be. What it should be like for us all.

So what is being and having a true friend all about? These points below will explain it in more detail what I have learned, summing up all the qualities one finds in your real friends…

1. True friends are loyal
True friends remain equally loyal in both good times and bad. They will offer help without expecting anything in return and would change their plans to come to your aid. They will stand up for you when you need it and never do anything that will compromise your success or happiness. People who are there only when it is good for them, or when it’s too much for them to support you through your troubled times; are nothing more than ‘fair-weather friends’. These people are there for you only when the going is good. Now I don’t mean that they have to be there for you physically all the time, but a simple call or message to show they care should be enough to prove this. Indeed life gets busy, but there is always time to be found for the things and people who mean much to you.

I have had many experiences when I have felt all alone through my difficult times this past period of time. The ones who claimed they would be there and support me through whatever I was going through, mostly all disappeared from my life until it was convenient for them to return or when they wanted something from me or needed me. This should not be so! As true friends, we should be there through it all. Love is unconditional – not when conditions are right for us. I am so thankful for the friends I still have by my side who have been there constantly and feel so blessed by these special souls.

2. True friends are honest and real
Friends keep their word and do what they say they will do. They should be honest but never judgemental. They will be as real as they are at all times, whether it is over the phone, texting, online or in person. People who are themselves and not two-faced, nor pretend to be something they are not. A true friend is always honest no matter what. They will intervene if they see that something is seriously bad for you or if you’re going down the wrong path. It is your duty to tell the truth, even when you know that the truth may hurt and possibly even cost you your friendship (which it won’t if you keep to following the other traits here, stay honest, and let them know how much you value their friendship). In essence, honesty is essential in all relationships, and friendships are no exception. If you love your friends, have the decency and courage to be truthful always.

In the past, I have had associations with some people who have been the opposite of this, and it is not good going through being hurt by people being dishonest, superficial and false. Since last year, I lost a couple of friends who ended up due to dishonesty and deception. It was sad and hurtful to bear – but necessary. If you know me, you will know how much importance I place upon this very aspect. A lie or any deception can ruin a friendship, where telling the truth does not cause such devastation nor the bond of trust broken. The karma which comes back to you is tremendous, and mostly only surfaces later which is a far greater damage than being upfront about something right away. The truth always comes out, so be truthful always. Be who you are, no-one else can!

3. True friends respect you
Your true friends will always respect the person and not the position, title, or assets they may possess. They do not try to change their friends, but accept them as they are and respect their choices, beliefs, time and property.
- Choices are respected by not trying to control your friends’ lives and realising they have their own minds, likes and dislikes. Each of us are different. The choices I make, may not be best for my friend or any other person. Each of us have to make our own path through life, and should not judge another for the things they have chosen, whether good or bad.
- Beliefs are respected by not judging, condemning, attacking nor criticising your friends’ beliefs, ideals or morals. If you know that your friend has certain views and ethics, respect them – even if you don’t agree with them. Rather than try force our friends to believe what we do, or change their perception by manipulation, we have to respect our friends’ viewpoints and accept them completely. Not everyone looks at the universe around us the same way.
- Time is respected by not wasting it. Be punctual for appointments and let your friend know if you’ll be late or can’t make it at all. If you are late and you have let your friend know, then you have at least been honest and all involved can plan or reschedule accordingly. Mishaps and unforeseen circumstances do happen, we all need to be understanding of this fact. But it works both ways.
- Property is respected by not damaging it and taking care to treat your friends’ belongings with care and love as you would do your own. After all, it was not you who went to all the effort to work at building up their homes and belongings as they have. If something is lent to you, it was entrusted to you. Have the respect and decency to return it in the same condition. Same goes for paying back what is owed when you have been lent money – which one should not really be doing, if we care about their own well-being.

Sadly I can say that all of these have happened to me, as with most of you too I am sure. After countless times of people trying to get me to do something I did not want to do, using me, judging or making fun of me, or trying to change my beliefs in some way and so on – I am relieved and happy now that I have cut them out of my life. It is not worth it forever going through the stress of someone trying to force you to change yourself, go against what you want or believe in, or be influenced in any way. Your happiness and security needs to come first. You need to be respected.

4. True friends never talk bad about you
Something which cannot be emphasised enough is that true friends do not talk bad about their friends and also do not criticize, judge, or condemn them. True friends will always keep your secrets/business private and confidential. They also definitely do not gossip behind your back. Again if you love your friends why would you want to ruin their reputation and relationships with others because you have got a grievance against them, or nothing better to talk about? We were always taught that if you have not anything good to say, then rather be silent. The thing about gossip and bad talk that some do not realise, is that it always becomes a two-way effect – while you are tarnishing someone else’s name, at the very same time, you are also ruining yours. No-one is fond of being in the company of such a person and the negativity they bring over others. The general rule here is this: “Listen carefully to how a person speaks about others to you, this will determine how they will talk about you to other people. When someone is nasty or treats someone poorly, it says nothing about that person but a lot about them. The way people treat you is a statement about who they are as a human being, it is not a statement about you.” As I have said before, if you truly care for your friends, you will want to protect them in every way. So watch out for this.

In recent months, I have been through a very bad situation where this very thing has occurred. Certain friends have drifted away because they have listened and believed lies and unwholesome talk being spread about me. Sadly, some friendships have not been the same since. Without finding out the facts by first coming to me and getting the complete story, they have chosen to believe someone’s one-sided version of the truth. Let it be known, that true friends will not just keep from talking bad about their friends, they will also not believe stories when they hear bad talk coming from someone else. This brings me to my next point…

5. True friends do not take sides
True friends will stand by what’s right and not take sides. Echoing the same message as in point two where good friends who are honest will look for the truth, support it and not just blindly take sides when their friends are responsible for bad behaviour. Just because you are loyal to your friends, does not mean you must support them even when they are at fault. Take a stand in your friendships! We are to be accountable to each other, and if your friend says or does something unkind, you should be helping set them on the right path. If you are not doing this, then you are only thinking selfishly of yourself and your friendship with your friend. There are two reasons why people could fall into this way of thinking:
- Fear of what their friend or others will think, they will hold back from saying anything or standing up to their friend. This includes fear of losing their friendship, but true friends never part over something so trivial. Especially when you are caring for their best interests.
- Misunderstanding the meaning of loyalty to friends by blindly supporting their every action and word, not realising that by being loyal to our friends actually means supporting them by guiding them off the incorrect path and showing them where they are going wrong so that they can take responsibility to set their life right once more in a positive, uplifting way.

As I have mentioned in the last point, I have seen this happen first hand. We should be giving support and remaining impartial to whatever someone is going through, especially when it may involve someone else we know. Rather find out all the facts and work out the truth of the matter first, support your loved ones and care enough to point out the wrong and set them back on the right way. Otherwise all we are doing is hurting our friends who need our support instead of rejection, and so damaging their hearts and our precious relationships with them as well, and at the same time enabling bad habits and poor behaviour of our friend we have been 'loyal' to..

6. True friends believe in you, appreciate and encourage you 

Real friends will always value and appreciate you. They are in the business of building up, not breaking down their friends: whether in motivation, confidence, and especially self-esteem. Good friends will always be grateful for their friends who they have been blessed with and never take them for granted. They focus at all times on what they value about them, not on what they dislike. A true friend is also patient with you, forgiving, and are understanding when things need time to change or get better. Also, they won’t judge you even when you make silly mistakes because they accept us for who we are and will do what they can to be there and support us through anything we find ourselves going through – triumphs as well as failures.

One thing I can say for sure, is that this is especially true of my close friends who have been there for me through the hard, depressing and stressful times in my life. In the past several years I can think of numerous hardships I have had to endure. However if it were not for these extraordinary people in my life always encouraging me to not give up, supporting me through the difficult patches, and never letting me forget my worth; then I don’t know how I would’ve managed through what I have been through this far. 

7. True friends are always there

Helping without expecting a return favour, true friends will do this unconsciously in a heartbeat. They provide a shoulder to cry on, listen when you need someone to talk to and offer advice/support where they can offer it. They will also share their own successes with you when they achieve them, will celebrate yours when you achieve your own; but furthermore they will be there through the tribulations and failures you go through too. They are there through all times and definitely not only when things are good. If they cannot be there physically, they will show it in any number of ways: be it a call, message or keeping in contact in any other way. Furthermore, they will have your back and are always dependable to be there for you – if they can manage it. 

We have all have had good and bad experiences with this before. Not only have I had friends abandon me when I needed them most when I have needed help or support, but I have also had those who never left my side and were always able to count on them. Yes we all have our own lives to lead, but there is always time that can be made for the ones we love and care about. Even if one cannot be there physically, a simple message or call to check-in does perfectly well. It takes but a few seconds to do this, there is never such a thing as not enough time. The only misfortune here is that time can run away with us with our busy lives and keeping contact can slip our minds, but this is something we all need to prioritise and make sure we have a balance, for all that is important to us. The truth is people make time for what and who is important to them. A true friend is someone you can rely on. 

8. True friends never use you

When you have a true friend, you will never have to worry about them using you. Your safety, security and welfare will be on top of their list because they truly care for you. They will never take advantage of you, or like I was reading the other day on a different blog, even borrow money from or depend on you in any way and put you in in a position where you will end up in a financial predicament yourself. Once borrowed from you, aware of what trouble they themselves were in before, will not want you to be in the same place as they have been. True friends have your safety and security as a priority, this includes your finances because it affects your life and stability to provide for yourself. Don't let people use you or your good heart. Make sure no-one is doing this and filter out 'friends' like these because they only make things worse for you – it may be financial, emotional, physical or any other thing they are relying on you solely for. Friendships are a partnership where you help one another, not only the one depending on the other. Be aware of this.

I have been in situations such as these, and often come out worse off, and even to the point of still paying for that today. The last few years have been tough going through this with my ex and certain friends who have caused me to end up in financial crises. As a result, I have been living a life of struggling to make ends meet every month. It’s not worth it. Take a stand, have some self-respect and self-worth knowing you deserve better and put your foot down. If you end up suffering by paying for someone else to live better and they have no regard for you being in a worse-off situation, it's time to reassess that friendship (or relationship).

9. True friends have your best interests at heart – not what is best for them

Friends do not encourage you to violate your morals and principles, neither do they allow other friends to persuade you to do so. Again, if they are a real friend, they will care about you and respect your beliefs, standards, morals and values (as mentioned earlier). Do not allow your friends to persuade you to do things that you know are not in your best interest or you do not want to do. There is a difference in having fun and crossing the line in making you uncomfortable doing something you do not want to. This is something of great wisdom I learnt from my mum, which I mentioned in a previous blog post not too long ago. Just remember you need not step down from your high standards or morals of living because someone wants you to. Stay focused, stay true to yourself. Similarly, if they see you doing something foolish, making an unwise decision, spending money you don’t have (that probably should be going elsewhere), treating someone badly, getting into the wrong relationship – or whatever the situation may be – they will step up to the plate and be there for you to show you the right path. Your real friends will look out for you and have your well-being at heart.

When I was in the last grade of primary school I found myself making friends with a lot of my classmates, including two of the naughty boys with whom I had mutual friends. One day whilst hanging around with these guys, I ended getting into trouble because of them, all because of the peer pressure and disturbance they were causing our class. They were trying to get me to join in on their plans. Luckily I knew in my heart that it was wrong and felt terribly uncomfortable with it because it was going against my morals, standards and who I am as a person. Unfortunately for me though, my amazing teacher who had such trust in me caught them out just in time. And I was in trouble too, being associated with them just for being present. He was disappointed, but I was even more so. This was one of my first lessons on friendship. This taught me from a young age to be aware of the friends you keep and to choose wisely only those who look after you in every way. 

10. True friends are forever

When you have the ability to not see each other for long periods of time but nothing changes in your friendship with one another, then you have found a true friendship that could possibly last forever. These will be the friends that stay in touch, even if by the smallest measure of contact. Sometimes a period of time could go by and you could perhaps not have spoken for a while. Yet everything stays the same: the communication flows, the way you are with one another has not changed, your meaningful conversations, and so forth are all still so meaningful. Make sure you maintain your friendships with periodic quality communication by email, text, phone, and in-person. I know sometimes this is easier said than done, but it is necessary. We all have busy lives to lead, but as I have mentioned before, it literally takes moments to send a short message or even picking up the phone to call. Of course, on the other hand, if you realise you are the one continuously messaging and contacting certain friends all the time with not much reciprocation, then maybe it is time to stop and focus on the ones who equally show you the same. The last thing you want to do is focus on running after a whole group of people who don’t care as much as you do for them, then end up not having enough time and neglecting the really important ones you should be focusing on instead! 

In the past, I found myself doing this and I have had to make a conscious decision to keep checking and reminding myself to refocus. Life is too uncertain to concentrate on the wrong people. If they really love, care, support you and want to be in your life, then they will be there. It will show. Cherish, enjoy and revel in the moments you have with your friends, they may not be there forever. I have lost two friends in the last few years and there were times where I was very hard on myself for not making enough time while they were still alive. The truth is I was running after everyone, driving after everyone and trying to do the best I could from my side to keep contact and visit them all. This was a very big awakening in my life. When I realised these two friends were gone and I had wasted my time running after the wrong people who did not bother to for me, I decided that I needed to start looking more closely at my friendships and pay attention to the right ones. No matter what, if a friendship is true it will not change one bit. True friends are forever.

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There is an old saying which says we can’t choose our family, but we can choose our friends. Choose wisely, whether it be with who you spend your time with or an improvement in yourself you need to make to be a better friend. I believe we all will always have room for growth and this process never ends. I have found through various ups and downs in my own circles, has helped me realise which friendship needs re-evaluation, or whether I have weaknesses I need to work on within myself.

Be careful when you find yourself going through trials, to not allow the wrong types of people taint your life and happy place by bringing you down in any way. Use the bad experiences to learn from, to grow, to improve your life. Sometimes constant evaluation is necessary to make sure you are letting the right people into your space. Strengthen your friendships by sharing fun, exciting, and intellectual experiences. Take the time, show your care and concern. Remember friendships are bound by common interests, shared values, mutual respect, and love. If you find all these qualities in your friendships, you are bound to have a friend for life. 

Inspirational Women in My Life, Part 3

During Easter weekend, has seen a long-time wish fulfilled. Many years of prayers answered, it all happened so quickly. Just last time I was speaking of how it has been a goal of mine to go and visit my Grandmother who I haven’t seen in ten years. Thanks to my awesome parents, and much Divine Intervention, I finally saw this become a reality. What a blessing to be able to see and spend time with her again, an even bigger blessing for my parents helping to make this a reality, and for her being ready to come back home. Thanks to my brother and family as well, she is here, at long last! 

It has been remarkable, hearing your stories as well as all the amazing feedback from those who sent me messages, mail and Facebook comments. Your support and sharing has been rewarding to say the least. Through the reminiscing on all things I have learned, the fond memories, the amazing women I have been blessed by – I am glad to see it has been blessing your lives by inspiring you too. This is the last in this series. I hope you all continue find some more insight into life from these three wise women I know, who I am proud and honoured to call close and treasured friends of mine... 

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Many years ago, after I left school and after my motor accident, I moved back home during my recovery period. Not long afterward, while going back to our family church, I became friends with an amazing friendship circle – some of which are friends from school and some still my friends to this day. After one of our first get-togethers, which happened to be a movie night at a very good friend’s house, I became friends with his mom that evening. We instantly connected and this remarkable woman of God truly inspired me from the first moment. 

What a perfect example to prove that the right people come into your life at the right time, and for a reason!  My friend Tina has always been voice of reason and encouragement, through various chapters of my life. My oldest mentor besides my mum and gran, she has always uplifted my spirits when I have felt down, made me feel important as I (and we all) should be, and refreshed my faith at many times I needed it the most. At this stage of my life I was going through much depression and anxiety but she always made me feel safe and reminded me that we are loved and are not alone. Even when we feel alone, we should know that we are surrounded by divine love. Like God, love is not visible, but that does not mean it is not there. You are loved. You are exceptional. You are priceless and precious. 

The other lesson I learned through all of this, is how each of us is a special and unique, beautiful creation. It does not matter who you are, where you have come from, what has happened or happening in your life, what you look like or dependent on what others think of you – regardless of any of these things, you are loved and accepted. You may not feel this at times, but there is always at least a few people in your life that feel this way about you. Yet, no matter what anyone says or thinks, only one person’s opinion counts – and that is God’s. Do not spend your life trying to impress anyone else, or trying to gain people’s love and acceptance. You were made for a purpose, so live it. Show the world who you are and don’t forget your own self-worth and remember not to let others make you feel any less. Be you, no one else can! 

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I moved back to my home coastal city of Durban just over ten years ago, after being away for a few years working in a different city far from home. Many terrible things had happened to lead up to that point, and I shall not into detail on that now, but let’s just say a change was needed – a new beginning. I escaped from everything harmful that was poisoning my soul and robbing me of my happiness. Longing for home and my family, I relocated back. There I started contracting for a new company and set out on the next chapter of my life. Not long after this, I met a wonderful and inspiring lady who worked at a pharmacy next door to my company. It was not long until we became very good friends ... and to this day Diann has remained one of my best friends, a wise mentor and pillar of strength and inspiration when times have been tough. 

Though times have been hard, difficult situations and tragedies have come to pass in the past few years, I came to realise that we are blessed no matter what happens. Even through the bad, negative things that come our way, there is always something good that comes of it. We may not see it at first, but it is definitely almost always prevalent at the end of it. At some times it may be just to make you stronger and get over a weakness, way of thinking or outlook on life and teach you something new. Whatever it is, always look for the positive, learn from your experiences and move on. Don’t stay in that bad place of depression and sadness. There is always something to be happy, grateful and rejoice over. Trust me, this has proven true in every circumstance for me, all thanks to this very essential lesson learnt. 

No matter the time in between we have seen each other, the distance apart we lived, or anything that came our way, furthermore I learned that true friends are forever. There are a few other close friends I am so blessed with in my life, and they too, have taught me this. A true friendship remains the same no matter what! Each and every time we message each other, mail, Facebook or call – nothing has changed our friendship – and I will always be grateful and appreciative for that. Through all that we have gone through in our lives Diann has always been there to lift my spirits, comfort with words of wisdom and direction, and taught me to stand firm and remember we are not alone throughout our lives. There is always at least a few people in one’s life who are there for you, including God. So don’t ever give up, do not lose hope. You are never truly alone. 

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The third (and definitely not least!) inspiring lady who always comes to mind, is my dear friend Sue. Almost six years ago, we met online on a social media website, where I learned she had the same rare heart condition my mum has. We instantly clicked. At around the same time, she was going in for surgery to assist correcting this condition. Hoping for the best outcome, whilst knowing how delicate a procedure and syndrome this is – I prayed. Pleased to say, Sue came out of it well, and we have remained best friends to this day. 

The strength, courage and faith which she displayed through this trial in her life and right in the beginning of our wonderful friendship inspired me enormously. It reminded me of my mum and the health complications she had faced already in her life, particularly with the same condition, and how strong both of them remained in God, whilst keeping their faith intact and not giving up on life. This has been a lesson I have learnt over and over through all the other hardships Sue had been through, yet she stood firm and endured it all. It taught me the value on how to be a strong through all times and weather the storms which come our way. We could be face the worst and most terrifying of situations, but it is up to us to have the right mind-set and positivity that we will get through it. Remain strong and know that the tough times will pass – and remember if there is nothing more you can do about it, to stop worrying over it and hang on to your faith that things will work out in the best way. 

An additional big inspiration to me, is that I learned also the meaning of true friendship through Sue, like I did with other close friends. We both stay in different countries on practically opposite sides of the planet. We never get to see each other in person, but yet the friendship forever remains the same. It just goes to show that friendship is not measured by the length of time you know each other, or if you see each other often or not. True friendship proves when your relationship never changes, no matter what (and this goes for other types of relationships as well). It is in the depth of care, consideration and concern you feel for one another’s lives and well-being. By never letting each other down. To always be there for them, even if in spirit. This is what it is all about! 

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What better and appropriate way to end this series, around the time of Mother’s Day. A day amongst all the other days in the year to celebrate you and all you do for those around you. To all you beautiful, extraordinary ladies I have been inspired by and mentioned in this series who have blessed my life in ways I cannot count, I pay tribute to you all and want you to know how much you are loved and appreciated. Know also that you have forever changed and influenced my life in a grand way. Forever will I be thankful for all you have taught, directly, or indirectly, by inspiring me to be better than what I am. What I can say for sure is that my life certainly would not be the same without you all in it!

Inspirational Women in My Life, Part 2

Last time, I began to tell you about the most influential and greatest women my life has been blessed with. For myself, I can definitely say it has been rewarding as well as enlightening to recollect the major things I have learnt so far. I sincerely hope you all have been (and will be) able to take something from the wise lessons I have learnt along the way. Many thanks to you all who have given me feedback and all your messages of support. I am so pleased you have all been inspired muchly!

Since I was born, I was fortunate to have another very incredible woman alongside my mum who taught me plenty of lessons I carry with me up until today. Whenever I spend time with her I found to be always motivated, learn much and gain a lot of valuable insight into life – physically and especially spiritually. My grandmother has always been a role model to me, a wise teacher, healer and a spiritual mentor throughout all the years of my life. One of the most true Christian people I know, my gran has always been a great inspiration to me. Sadly, for the past ten years, she has been living in another town far away on the other end of the country. She is missed every day. It has been a goal of mine for a very many years to go up and visit her but unfortunately this has not been possible yet. Hoping this year that it will become a reality, should I manage to get the means to and finances for it. Like I say many times, time can quickly run away with us, and so we need to make time for our loved ones while we can, in any way we can.

There are so many wisdoms I have treasured since young which my gran has taught me but I would say the most significant of these were those on life and the example she set for good, honest, Godly living. Her selfless giving and care for others in general always stood out for me. My gran was always there for us or others, always generously gave of her time and whatever resources she could spare. The ultimate sacrifice was ten years ago when she gave up basically all she owned to move away from the coast, move in and assist with looking after my uncle’s family when my aunt had had cancer at the time. This taught me the true meaning of sacrifice, selflessness as well as serving and loving others. Through this very valuable lesson, I also learnt from her that what you sow, that you will also reap. Also known as the law of karma, that whatever you give out, it will come back to you multiplied. Do good, be good, and live good lives. Be a blessing to others when you have the opportunity. Give selflessly, cheerfully, honestly. Give what you can, when you can – in turn, when it is you who is in a predicament, you will find that others will be there for you as well. God blesses those who look after others and give of themselves. It always comes back to you, no matter what you give out. Something I noticed throughout my life, is that my gran never went without, and just as she always reiterated “God will provide”, so it had been always!

Another much-loved value learnt from my dear grandmother, has to be that of the miracle of creation, the diversity and beauty of all things, including all human beings. Our long walks through the gardens at home where she and my great grandmother (my grandmother’s mum) lived, or our outings to the various beaches down the coast and other places we went; provided a perfect environment for an outdoor classroom in nature, teaching us much on this subject. One of my gran and great gran’s pride and joy was their garden of an array of a stunning assortment of many flowers, and through the terraced gardens we explored many times. Our frequent trips to the beaches near and far down from where they resided, also enabled us to see many diverse places, and sea life, as we explored each destination in its fullness. There was even a beach my gran took us to which had a small cove where millions of tiny little sea shells collected. The variety and uniqueness of these ranged vastly, and so through teachings at times such as these, she taught us to appreciate everything and everyone all around us – each being and creation a special individual and marvelous design. Each one of us is precious in our own way I learned, do not ever let anyone ever tell you any different. You have a very important part to play in life and have your own extraordinary place in this life, just as everything else does in creation. We are all one, all in this together. And each of us have just as much a right to live and be happy as the next person.

Up until midway through high school, my great grandmother also played a very crucial part in my life. We used to go visit her with my family for weekends or holidays up until she got quite old and my grandmother moved in to take care of her. Then we got to visit with both of them every time we went by. I remember the awesome English Breakfasts, the fabulous Sunday lunches and let’s not forget the deliciously mouth-watering baked goods! Everything was always so scrumptiously home cooked and full of healthy goodness. One of my favourite places to be, was at my great gran’s feet or by her side on the couch, overlooking the broad sea view and valley with its river which wound its way to the beach some distance away. The same river which came past the bottom of her massive  garden which terraced down towards it, away from her big house on the hill overlooking this magnificent view. I thoroughly enjoyed listening to all her tales of the old days when she used to live in England, or when she paged through the old photo albums telling me much of our family history, and all her many wise lessons on life. Sadly this only lasted up until high school until she passed. My other grandmother passed away long before I was born and has been unfortunate not to have gotten to know her. According to my mum, she was just like my gran and I would have learnt a lot from her as well. But the stories of her live on, and I find great inspiration and strength in hearing them, although she may not be here physically, she lives on in spirit. We remember them always, with fondness, joy and much love.

Well that is all for now, else I could go on forever reminiscing. I will be posting my next post (and last in this series) next week. Please feel free to share your own motivating stories with the rest of us, so we too could be enlightened by the lessons you have learned. Until next time; keep smiling, keep focused on your self-worth and the value of those you are blessed with. Let’s not forget those who have been there for you through your life who supported you, have always lifted you to new heights, successes and cared for you greatly. Make the time. Learn from them what you can, before it is too late.

Inspirational Women in My Life, Part 1

This past week, in my quiet time of reflection and meditation in the mornings, I have been reading up on some significant ways to improve our relationships with others and on how to appreciate the ones you have been blessed with. The author spoke of the most influential women present in his life since childhood and how he had been forever changed by the wisdom, life lessons and inspiration he had received from each of them. This got me to thinking about those wonderful women who have changed mine. The next few posts are dedicated to each one of you. You have all made an enormous impact on my life and I have learned much through all our adventures together this far. So I decided I need to share some of these teachings with you, hoping they make some sort of impact on your life. If not as big as mine, hopefully in some other profound and inspirational way!

When there is so much you can learn from someone, and it being an ongoing process, it becomes difficult to find a starting point to tell of all the lessons you have learnt along the way. This beautiful woman has been my mentor from a very young age, a close friend, teacher, life coach and voice of reason. She is also the strongest person I know, and has brought myself and my siblings through a great deal of hurt and difficulties faced through all our years growing up. She has sacrificed much. She has gone without so that we could have. So much troubles endured, but so many joys we have had … and we made it. We are closer as a family as a result. This amazing lady is my mum.

Of all the things my mum taught us, the first very prominent lesson that has always stuck in my mind is the lesson of the ‘Yesterday Today Tomorrow’ bush (species name Brunfelsia Pauciflora). When I was very young, before the age of ten, we used to have one in our garden not far from my bedroom window. The fragrant smell was marvelous and still one of my favourites to this day. If any of you know what plant I am talking about, you will know it makes three different colours of flower on one plant. A new colour blooms each day, giving it its nickname. Unlike other flowers, this plant’s flowers never last very long, just like our lives from day to day. My mum taught us that life is a lot like this…
• Yesterday is past, gone, history. There is nothing any of us can do to change what has happened before. No amount of worry, regret, guilt or stress will ever bring back those days. So forget about the bad and remember the good – in this way, you will be taking the negative and turning it into positive, all while focusing on the good things and remembering how far you have come, what you have learned and how this has strengthened and improved you for the better.
• Tomorrow may never come. The thing about life is that we never know what is coming next. Sure you could have faith and positivity as big as the entire world, but no one knows when their day has come to depart this life and move on to the next. Only God decides that. There is nothing we can do to change what will happen next, what events will emerge, or which people will enter our lives, until it takes place. If this is so, why worry? There is no use burdening your mind and heart with things that have not yet come to pass – do not focus on the future.
• Today – it is all we have. And this is also a fragile hope, because we may think we have the entire day yet to live, however in an instant things could change. I learnt this lesson fifteen years ago when I was in a very bad accident, including various other adversities throughout the years that followed. All we are ever guaranteed is the here and now. We should be living our lives for today. As the famous old saying goes: Carpe Diem, meaning “seize the day”. Nothing could be further from the truth. In fact, we should be seizing every moment and opportunity we can to truly live, while we still have the chance.

The next lesson which is also just as important to me and a very similar message, is that God’s timing is perfect. Things will always happen when they are destined to, when you are ready, and when the time is right. I learned that “everything happens for a reason”. And it really does indeed. Most, if not all the time, we don’t understand why things happen the way they do. I can hear my mum telling me this now, and remember in the beginning I did not quite understand this lesson until I had been through it a few times. This valuable nugget of wisdom has helped me through many things once my heart finally learnt it. There is always a lesson to be learned from whatever we face (good or bad), a new direction we should be taking to lead us to where we are destined to be, certain people cut out of our lives for our own good, the right job to come our way, the right friends, circumstances, etc. The possibilities could go on and on. Remember to always trust and have faith that things will work out well – stay positive, stay focused and stay happy!

On that note, this just reminds me of the something else we were always taught. Growing up, we had a tough time getting by. Living through our parents being divorced at a very young age and my mum struggling to make ends meet, whatever food, clothing and any other opportunities came our way; my mum taught us the value of appreciation and gratitude for all we had. There is always something to be grateful and happy about. No matter what our circumstances, we are always blessed and fortunate in ways others in this world aren't. Even if it is to be alive, that is at least one blessing to count. We will never be happy until we decide to be, if we can just look at what we have and see we have a lot more going for us than a lot of those unfortunate out there.

Going through tremendous bouts of depression during school, caused due to many factors I had to face growing up, my self-esteem and confidence took a very hard knock. I could not see a way out plenty of days I faced this affliction. It was something I carried into my adulthood and finally overcome, but it all started with these wise words I was taught: “You are unique and one of a kind. You are special and have a very important role to play in life. You have a destiny to fulfill, a reason for living, a purpose divinely set out for your life.” My mum taught me these things since I was in high school, and although I couldn't see it at the time, I can clearly now that I am older. We are all equal, no matter what you look like, what gender, race, orientation, likes/dislikes, and everything about you – it does not change the fact that each of us are special and alive for a reason. Remember that if ever you feel like giving up. No-one can be you except for you. Why would you want to be anybody else, or please anybody else, when you are one of a kind!

Of course there are many more virtuous morals and values and I have taken to heart but to speak of all of these, I would have to write a many more posts! Next time, I will be sharing some more wise lessons learned from some more inspirational women I am blessed to know. Have a beautiful week and remember to count your blessings!

How to Survive a Break-up

If you know me and what has been happening in my life recently, you will know some of the relationship issues I have had to face for the last two years. Through all of the experiences I have had during this time and the years before, I learned a lot which have enlightened my heart and mind when it comes to love and life. Today I would like to share seven wise lessons I learnt to surviving breakups, in the hopes that they may assist with your own healing if you may be going through a similar situation, now or in the future…

Don’t blame yourself when you’re not at fault

Some of you who I know personally or have been following my blog since the beginning, may remember the unpleasant relationship I had got caught up in the year before last. I have spoken of it scarcely here, but my close friends and family will all know the story. It was a cutting situation which left me broken, emotionally wounded, and mentally scarred. The worst part of this was that as I started recovering I noted that I was beginning to blame myself for a lot of things. Eventually though, after hearing how worthless you are and being made to feel unwanted and unlovable, it is so easy to start believing it. Those of you who have not endured this will perhaps not understand what it is like, and I hope you never have to. Luckily my experience with this was short-lived. Coupled with the amazing support from my loved ones and me having learnt the lesson before in my life, I finally learnt once and for all that you should never blame yourself for the mistakes and indecency of other people. Everyone is to answer for their own shortcomings and if that person has hurt, betrayed, deceived or lied to you, then it is on them. There is no excuse for bad behaviour!

Forgiveness is crucial for your own well-being

It was a tough few months of recovery after that ordeal, followed by saying goodbye to a close friend, who I thought was true. At the time I was also working in an abusive unfriendly environment in the previous company I was employed by, then months later ended up in a relationship I did not want to be in in the beginning. I should have followed my intuition, and remained focused on where I wanted to be and who I wanted by my side, instead of ending up with someone who was like the majority of those out there. Yet, I gave it a chance as I was told it ‘would be different this time’. I believed it, but was so wrong. And so, I was hurt all over again. However, I made it through, learned to let go and became even wiser on the lesson of forgiveness. Holding on to unpleasant feelings or past hurts only entraps us in a prison full of grief, while the other person feels no effect. Forgiveness is all about you, and letting yourself free. Escape from feeling any negative thing, and be happy. There are so many things that one can be joyful about and so much we are blessed with, including all those people who still love you and who never do leave your side.

Guard your heart but guard it from turning to stone

Before my last very short-lived relationship and after breaking my friendship off with a false friend, I struggled for a while with this. One evening when chatting with a friend, a huge misunderstanding ended up with him getting hurt in the process by me snapping back. I quickly recognised that my heart had turned cold and hard as stone. Walls had been built around my heart to guard it and I wanted to make sure it could not be broken again. I wanted to be safe. I decided this would not do if it meant those I cared about were affected by this condition too; so I focused my attention on the correct people. I recovered through the love, strength, support and care they all poured out into my life… and healed. And then I met him. It seemed I had met the right person at last. After the first few weeks learning quickly of the things going on behind my back and hurtful things being said all over, I feared I may be thrown back to that place of despair again, ruining all my progress thus far in getting over past sufferings. Thankfully I did not, I was prepared this time and it became much easier to let go. Even if it was not me who let go first. It is too easy to allow our hearts not to care anymore and not worth it letting your personality become compromised just because some people selfishly hurt you. In the end they walk away without a conscience and you are the one who is left broken. Be strong, and keep your heart open to those beautiful souls you are blessed with.

Learn to let go, but don't lose the lesson

Although it may seem the end of the world when a breakup befalls you, you need to remember that as the bad or unnecessary is removed from your life, that it only makes room for wonderful things and new people to enter in. This also means you have to be more careful the next time and learn from what you went through. Remember, it is all for a reason. There is always a lesson to be learnt, even if we do not see it at first. Many times after a breakup, I found myself being my own enemy by tormenting myself with overthinking the situation, as well as letting the despair and sadness get to me. We have to let it go: anything that does not bring us happiness so that we can live free, happy lives. In the end, I managed to learn something useful. The trick is to let go and trust that all will be well, to focus on what is truly important in your life, and to stop worrying over things beyond your control. The reality is, you cannot control anything that comes your way, but we can chose how we react to it and what our attitudes are in response to what takes place. Although it is never good nor is it pleasant going through tough situations, if you can learn something, improve yourself and become stronger through it, then you can always turn a negative into something positive. Sometimes it just takes a little longer. If you keep an attitude of faith and positivity, you can’t go wrong.

Focus on those who never left

After I let go of the people who were causing me harm in my life, the realisation hit me Valentine’s Day last year. If you have not yet read my blog post on this, please do! This may be one of the most profound things I learned through all these difficult times. Finally learning that to help us through any break-up, the focus should not be on the one who left but rather on those who are still there. Of what help will it be fretting over those who don’t even bother about you, and so easily leave your side? Before you end up running after people who clearly do not care as much as you, remember the ones who do. They could so easily be taken from this life before you enjoy as much time as you want with them. I learned this a few years ago when a friend passed away after months of us continually postponing our time spent catching up – all because I was chasing people who don’t bother making an effort in my life. I regretted this for a very long time. Don’t let this be you. You are surrounded by those you love and who have always proven to be there for you, even though some leave. Through the support and strength they provide, you can get through any kind of heartache. That is what true friends and family are there for, we are not created nor meant to live through this life alone.

Spoil yourself, you deserve it

One of the simplest ways to be happy, is to cut out what is making you sad – anything that is bringing grief to your heart, mind and soul. Do yourself a favour by taking some time out for you, do the things you love and have a passion for. These will be all the things you really enjoy and that which truly brings you delight and satisfaction: your interests, hobbies, sports, etc. Not forgetting being around people who contribute to your happiness and share in your joy. Go shopping and do a little retail therapy, go out to lunch/dinner with friends, watch a movie or go somewhere in nature. For myself, I find writing or yoga works well, playing a computer game to get my mind off things, or putting my earphones in and listening to my favourite happy music – even dancing, it is good for the soul! Going to the beach or to a nature reserve (there are three close by to my apartment) I find quite relaxing, soothing and inspiring. It is good for the soul to surround yourself with peace and harmony, and anything that brings happiness to your soul. Treat yourself and let the healing begin!

Making wiser choices, focusing on your happiness

As the old proverb goes, “happiness starts with yourself”. But what does this mean? It means the decision to be happy starts within us – we alone are responsible. Other people, passions and things can contribute happiness into our lives, but we ultimately need to decide to be. It means choosing to be grateful for what and who you have in your life, not wanting more (there are many who have far less) or want for anyone else other than your partner you are destined to be with at that moment in time. It means enjoying my day in spite of what is happening around me, that I will enjoy this day because I am alive, I am free and blessed – despite my circumstances – and no matter what, I know who I am, what I want, and that there is a better plan for me (those of you who believe, like I do, that it is God's timing). Hold on to the things and people of value in your life, make sure you are not throwing anyone away for the ‘next best thing’ or because you are hurting too much and building walls to protect yourself. Take care of you, but don’t let harsh words come out of your mouth and hurt those you love. Take care of their hearts too! We cannot let ourselves stoop to the same level others treat us. We must not leave a trail of broken hearts behind … for which you will be responsible alone. Make sure you are happy first and over past hurts before moving on with your life.

Sometimes you need to let go. Yes, it hurts when the things or the people we love are taken from us and removed from our lives. Make your peace with the loss. Nothing lasts forever. Like the trees in autumn, you too must learn to shed your attachments and start afresh. Take heart because every situation, both good and bad, lines your path up with the right people you need to meet along the way. Some will teach you, some will guide you, some you need to be there for a time, others will be forever. Make wiser choices the next time you meet someone and be careful for not everyone you meet is your friend nor has your best interests at heart. It is rather better to get to know somebody first, and make sure you are vigilant of letting the right individuals into your life, perhaps the right soul into your heart. You never know, you may find you have known your soulmate all along!

Setting Goals: New Year’s Resolutions, practical or not?

So here we are, at the dawn of a new year. As I look back on the previous months (my usual annual 'ritual'), I reflect on all that I have accomplished and oftentimes, all the goals that I have not yet achieved. I used to get quite despondent, and sometimes the sneaky feeling of failure crept into my mind. A few years ago, when I reached my 30’s, I realised that my list of ‘resolutions’ I once made, did not get very far to completion. Most of those on the list, did not even make it. Frustrated and at times in depression, I found myself wondering what to do that could turn things around for myself.

So I started making a list of short and long term goals, then by looking at this list often, working out what can I do to bring myself closer to them. Getting older is serious business, especially when you want to get far in life – or at the very least, get to certain milestones and successes one strives to reach. Resolutions are quite useless I have come to learn, and luckily not too late, unless we are going to make a conscious effort to stick to them. We simply cannot say, "this year I am going to do..." and then keep on repeating our resolutions and try to get around to it. No, this ends up just being words without action. We need to work out a plan and specific goals on how to get there. Break it down, step by step, and focus on them individually. Remember what I always say, about actions that speak louder than words?  Well this works entirely in all situations. We need to make sure we set all our goals, and try with all our might and try do what we possibly can to get there.

When you reach a certain age, you may find yourself looking behind, seeing how far you come and find yourself not where you ought to be or not having progressed as far as you would have wanted to. Or you may even look ahead in fear, worrying that you may not ever get there. However, there is good news! Although these things may be true, we cannot change the past. It is impossible to go back to undo one single moment, one single wrong decision or any difficult situation that has occurred. Equally, we have no power over what tomorrow may bring, we may have even left this life when that day comes. But – and this is a very big ‘but’ – we do have the choice to live in the here and now, it is all we ever are guaranteed of. You can make decisions and choices right now, to change the course of your future. You can ultimately write your own story for the coming days ahead.

Certainly, bad days will come. Stressful periods and circumstances will rise up against you in apparent defeat. People will come and go, good times will pass, but only for a time. Everything in this life is temporary. Although some things may last, such as true love, friendship, family and other blessings – not everything stays constant. Just please, whatever you do, do not give up and do not despair! Do not for one minute think that things will not change for the better – because they do. It is all in your attitude and the way you handle what comes your way, that determines how you fare through those rough stormy seas. Stay positive, stay focused and keep working at how to get through what you are facing and keep working towards your goals. Even if one by one, working down your list of goals, will get you there eventually.

If it so happens you find yourself at the end of the year and looking at your goals for the past year and find yourself feeling down because you have not achieved all you want, you will at least still have made progress. Make another list, start the new year with the same enthusiasm, positivity and joy – knowing you will work at the next lot of goals (even if some of them are from the year previously) – and keep moving forward. Don't stand still. You can do it!