The Importance of Self-Worth

At the beginning of last year, we lost a friend who took his own life due to depression. I would have wanted to post this and explore more into this subject with him in the deep discussions we used to have, before that dark day came. Yet life can be so unpredictable and none of us could have realised what events were about to unfold before it was too late. This, in addition to me beating myself up for not being present enough, only fuelled my dwindling desire to continue with anything I loved. And so, procrastination took a firm hold once again – something I never had an issue with in the past but mysteriously developed several years ago, something I believed had been conquered already.

I began this post a long time ago, it was to be my next one before my life went through the changes and trials that followed the passing of my friend, which caused my posts here to cease. To add to getting overwhelmed in the busyness of life, I was now also dealing with this loss (and that of an almost life-long friend two months later), along with the seemingly never-ending battle with overcoming procrastination all over again. My constant mission with self-development and improvement with this which I was learning – seemed to halt at that point, just when I thought it was all about to end. I am glad to say that I have overcome this a while back now and have figured out the reasons why it occurred, along with solutions in getting over it at last. But more on that later in an upcoming post which I have also been working on!

Depression can be a heart-breaking condition, and the feelings of low self-esteem which often go with it, can be an exceedingly difficult thing to handle. It is even worse when you feel like you are all alone and swallowed up in all your struggles, stress or circumstances. I am sure most of us, if not all, have gone (or are going) through this at some point in our lives. I know some who are still battling.

My earliest recollection of this troubling me was when I was in school. The problems I faced growing up was made up of a variety of obstacles, including (in no particular order): my parents getting divorced at a young age, being bullied at school, experiencing abuse, various forms of rejection, loneliness, moving around a lot and so on. Looking back now I can see how all these issues all knock our self-esteem and can make us feel worthless, useless, unwanted or unloved. All it takes is one ordeal such as these to push us into despair and feeling terrible about ourselves. The good news, however, is that we can master our emotions and insecurities. It just takes some working through, a healthy perspective and the right awareness.

For all that I have endured though, I am both grateful and thankful to have eventually managed to conquer them all. Some took much longer than others, but in the end, it is all worth it because each and every circumstance we go through in life is a lesson to learn from. To gain wisdom and insight. To grow. To evolve.

Amongst the things I have learnt in defeating depression and an unhappy or low disposition, a key ingredient in the recipe of success is learning how to love, accept and respect yourself. By saying this, I do not mean in a vain or unhealthy way. What I mean is in a manner which you realise this truth: that you are indeed valuable no matter what you or anyone may lead you to believe; you are a beautiful and magnificent creation, you are unique, special, important, gifted, talented and one-of-a-kind. There is, has never been, and will never be another exceptional being like you. Once we realise this, our journey begins to a healthier self-image, feeling respect and worth for ourselves and honouring the life we have been gifted with. We have this one chance to make the most of it.

In the next post, I will be speaking more on this to show you some very enlightening viewpoints which we can use to bring light into what is a seemingly dark valley of shadows on the road of life. It is not an easy road to travel on the way to a improved sense of self-worth, but we can get there. Anything is possible for us if we have some faith, focus on the positives and blessings in our life, as well as have motivation to move in the right direction.

The Freedom of Forgiveness

We have all been there. Be it a fall-out with friend or family member, someone who used you, perhaps a lie or deception. There could be any or many ways someone can cause us pain. Whatever the issue was that caused us harm, we are all faced with the decision in the end: forgive or hold on. What I have learned in my own life is that sometimes the best thing you can do is to let go of what is hurting you, because by holding on it causes you even more damage.

But why is it so difficult for a lot of us to forgive and let go? Here are three reasons this could be (and the ways to overcome them):

1. Resentment

We feel victimised, wronged, and makes us hold a grudge against the other person. Perhaps you are waiting for the other person to apologise to you, to make things right, or to explain themselves. Whatever the reason, holding onto old past hurts have a negative impact on your health and well-being. Bearing a grudge is one of the unhealthiest things you can do to yourself, and causes a lot of unnecessary stress. Keeping these ill feelings towards someone, to the pain, the disappointment or staying angry; hardens your heart and only hurts only you. It is not worth it, what the other person did to you is not worth it, to keep yourself in a prison of unforgiveness.

By not letting go, a lot of harmful, negative factors come into your life from retaining resentment: Carrying over bitterness and anger into other relationships, feeling disconnected with other people, depression and anxiety, not being able to enjoy life because you constantly remember the past, feeling that your life lacks meaning or purpose or that you're at odds with your spiritual beliefs, mental and emotional stress leading to physical stress manifesting, tension with the other person or people when you are around them, general unhappiness and frustration too. By letting this happen, we give away our power, our right to happiness, our freedom.

Do not let yourself get to this stage, and if you are there already, work on getting back on track to concentrating on your own peace of mind and happy space. Whatever happened, or if there may have been a reason for it or not, is not important. What is though, is your ability to let go of what happened so to move on with your life and focus on the things and people who do not let you down. And if there is a chance of reconciling the relationship, one must take it because sometimes people do make mistakes or are too focused on their own lives. Relationships are precious, value them and make them count wherever and whenever you can.

2. Retaliation

We want to hurt them back or pay for what they did to us, or even those we love. Feelings of anger, frustration and even thoughts of revenge may pop up in your mind. They hurt us, so now they must pay, they have to feel our pain and what they put us through to understand how we feel too. It seems unfair that we need to bear this burden, yet they walk away with apparently no conscience or feelings of remorse. This is a deadly trap to let ourselves fall into!

How do we determine if we have any of these bad feelings still left undealt with? By talking excessively about the event or the person responsible, by bad-mouthing them, how it or what they did still bothers you, and by letting it get to you bringing bitterness or hatred into your heart. Do not hold onto those miserable feelings inside and allow them to interfere with your life. Forgive and truly let it go. Do this for yourself. When someone you care about hurts you, you can hold on to anger, resentment and thoughts of revenge — or embrace forgiveness and move forward. But if you don't practice forgiveness, you will be the one who pays the most. Whether or not the person is a friend, family member, colleague, etc. who you want or need to keep in your life, they could be oblivious to your hurt and continue living out their lives. So, in saying this, if you hold onto unforgiveness, you see that this does not affect the other person in any way. This is for you, and you alone.

Keep this in mind also, what you say and what you do matters. When you show kindness to others, your words and actions have a positive ripple effect which spreads out to affect many people. The same thing happens when you are impatient, intolerant or indifferent to others. By embracing forgiveness, you can also embrace peace, hope, gratitude and joy. Consider how forgiveness can lead you down the path of physical, emotional and spiritual well-being. Remember that the Law of Attraction or laws of Karma, works in that what we do or allow to happen to others, all comes back to us (in abundance). We have not to worry about this part, allow the natural course of action which God has structured into the Universe, to naturally run its course.

3. Rejection

We put our guard up, a defence mechanism against getting hurt all over again. Perhaps a new friendship or partner comes into our lives, yet we cannot find the strength to get close to them because of the way we were hurt in the past. Or perhaps we are so afraid of going through the same problems all over again that caused us hurt before. This is a very difficult thing to deal with, because the world is full of people out there with no regard for others. Myself, family and friends continue to get hurt often by thinking the next person will be different, but this is not so in many cases. A friend told me the other day, we should not let those who hurt us stop the ones that won’t, to come into our lives. He was so correct and inspiring by saying this. Fortunately, not all people are the same, and we should not let the ones that caused us harm get in the way of those who mean us well and are truly there for us. Let go of the ones that cause you drama, or aren’t really there for you. Life is too precious to waste on those that are self-serving or say they are there for you but aren’t. There are plenty of true friends and people out there who will not reject you, so focus on these one and forget about the rest. No need to worry about or overthink the situation, they will get what they deserve when it comes to their fate and the Karma which comes back. All we have to do is concentrate on ourselves (our own peace and happiness) and those who are truly there.

Although forgiveness can be very difficult, it is necessary. You need to set yourself free. There is a favourite quote of mine from author Lewis B. Smedes: “To forgive is to set a prisoner free and realize that prisoner was you.” So, how we do this? Certain clashes you have with others are inevitable. No two people are the same, and at some point there will be a difference of some sort. These things are unavoidable, especially when it comes to miscommunication, people letting you down, or any other small human error. These things are petty in the grand scheme of things, and could easily be forgiven. We are all human and make mistakes or take each other in the wrong way from time to time. Miscommunication is one of the biggest culprits, but never a reason to break up a relationship / friendship because of it. Such is life, as they say, and we all need to learn to own up for our own misgivings where due.

We are not perfect. We must forgive ourselves too. We did what we could at the time to the best of our knowledge what was right. We may have spoken some truth or made a decision that others did not like, but standing up for oneself and speaking out is not wrong. Learn to forgive and let go, in order to set yourself free from those burdens which hold us back. Be free to live your life without any care for the past and move on in the confidence that you don’t need to revisit any old thoughts, hurts or previous toxic relationships that kept you back in your life. Remember to live in the now, to make the most of your life and stay in your happy space all the coming days ahead.

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Remember this: Forgiveness is never about the other person, but yourself. It is about how we have let go of the hurt, how we no longer feel the effects of what happened to us, and how we have let it go and left it behind us in the past – where it belongs. Forgiving someone does not mean that you have to be friends with them again, it just means you have let everything go and not let the past experience and pain affect you anymore. When you can look back at an event or someone who caused you the pain without it affecting you (even when you are around that person) then you know that you have healed, you have forgiven, and you have moved on with your life. 

Let us strive to get to this point, for our own well-being and happiness. Be strong. Be uplifted and rise above the past. Let peace and love radiate from you, a light for all others to see.

Healthy Body = Healthy Mind = Healthy Spirit

For almost a year and a half now, I have made the decision to make a point of focusing on my health – by eating the right foods, doing what I can to improve my health, take whatever supplements I require to stay healthy, get the right amount of daily nutrients, drink enough water, get enough rest, and make sure I keep exercising and doing yoga like I had been so diligent to do in the past. I can’t say that I have been exactly strict with myself on the exercise part but have found over the past couple of months that my time for yoga has improved, yay me!

However it is still not good enough as this had all been a daily routine for me before and, especially lately, has been less frequent. Regular exercise of any form is so important to add to healthy eating and lifestyle choices, and so I press on to overcome this sinister spirit of procrastination and distractions that stop me from doing what I love and need. Just like these same things have been keeping me from pushing forward with my writing recently. But this is going to be no more, I will prevail! This is one of my latest lessons I am currently going through in my life and so I will keep pushing on through it. So, what is the point of this? Well, through my experiences on this road to a healthier me, I realised a very important lesson in all of this which we should all heed. Taking care of yourself is so very essential, and not just because it is the only body you have. That is unless someone miraculously discovers the fountain of youth anytime soon, or science invents something to reverse the ageing affects, or even transfer our consciousness into another body (perhaps I have been watching too many sci-fi movies lately!).

Until then however, we need to be cautious with the way we live. When we provide into our diet all the nutrients that we need, our minds and so, our emotions and mental state, also are affected and improved. When this takes place our spiritual selves are happier and feel more alive because our minds (and bodies) are functioning properly and are in a good, healthy state. So, the same thing will apply to eating too much 'junk' food, consuming any foods or drinks with preservatives, taking too much prescription medicines, and so forth. Now, I am just speaking in general here about what I have learnt, with some people it will be different depending on whether they are suffering with some or other health issue. A lot of us have something we are battling unfortunately. We need to keep in mind though, that we have to guard ourselves and our health for our overall well-being. 

But we can do whatever we can, to the best of our abilities. If we are doing our best, we should not feel guilty or bad about ourselves. We are not robots, and are human after all! I have found that we need to have a healthy balance of all aspects of our lives; which promote a healthy body, mind and spirit. Too much of anything can be bad for you, and this applies to everything. Get enough sleep if you can manage it, don’t overwork yourself, spend time with your families and friends, spend and live wisely, don’t procrastinate and do what you can – when you can, drink enough water, eat healthy but treat yourself too once in a while at least. Do what you love, laugh, sing, dance, or whatever makes your heart and soul glad. We only live once. They say if you do it right, once is enough. And that is an encouraging thought!

Your body is sacred and a wonderful gift, look after it. By keeping your body as healthy as you can, you honour that and this leads to a whole chain of health benefits. Many physical ailments are linked to our diet, such as migraines/headaches, skin problems, indigestion, blood pressure, gout, and so on. This is where the analogy comes in that your body is a like a temple and we should treat it as such. Well, what does this actually mean? The way one would treat a sacred place such a temple, would be that of respect, care, appreciation, and even love. Do you understand now the relevance? Added to this, think of what it means when you enter into such a sacred place: a heightened sense of reverence and awareness comes over you, the honour and consideration we feel to that particular place. This attitude applies to us too. Once we become aware of what our body needs and become conscious on the choices we make in looking after ourselves, we will start living healthier, leading to a happier and balanced life in general.

Let us all be more mindful of this as we go through each day, remembering to live in the moment, but not in neglect of ourselves. We are just as important. It is up to you, and you alone. Love yourself!
 

Inspirational Women in My Life, Part 3

During Easter weekend, has seen a long-time wish fulfilled. Many years of prayers answered, it all happened so quickly. Just last time I was speaking of how it has been a goal of mine to go and visit my Grandmother who I haven’t seen in ten years. Thanks to my awesome parents, and much Divine Intervention, I finally saw this become a reality. What a blessing to be able to see and spend time with her again, an even bigger blessing for my parents helping to make this a reality, and for her being ready to come back home. Thanks to my brother and family as well, she is here, at long last! 

It has been remarkable, hearing your stories as well as all the amazing feedback from those who sent me messages, mail and Facebook comments. Your support and sharing has been rewarding to say the least. Through the reminiscing on all things I have learned, the fond memories, the amazing women I have been blessed by – I am glad to see it has been blessing your lives by inspiring you too. This is the last in this series. I hope you all continue find some more insight into life from these three wise women I know, who I am proud and honoured to call close and treasured friends of mine... 

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Many years ago, after I left school and after my motor accident, I moved back home during my recovery period. Not long afterward, while going back to our family church, I became friends with an amazing friendship circle – some of which are friends from school and some still my friends to this day. After one of our first get-togethers, which happened to be a movie night at a very good friend’s house, I became friends with his mom that evening. We instantly connected and this remarkable woman of God truly inspired me from the first moment. 

What a perfect example to prove that the right people come into your life at the right time, and for a reason!  My friend Tina has always been voice of reason and encouragement, through various chapters of my life. My oldest mentor besides my mum and gran, she has always uplifted my spirits when I have felt down, made me feel important as I (and we all) should be, and refreshed my faith at many times I needed it the most. At this stage of my life I was going through much depression and anxiety but she always made me feel safe and reminded me that we are loved and are not alone. Even when we feel alone, we should know that we are surrounded by divine love. Like God, love is not visible, but that does not mean it is not there. You are loved. You are exceptional. You are priceless and precious. 

The other lesson I learned through all of this, is how each of us is a special and unique, beautiful creation. It does not matter who you are, where you have come from, what has happened or happening in your life, what you look like or dependent on what others think of you – regardless of any of these things, you are loved and accepted. You may not feel this at times, but there is always at least a few people in your life that feel this way about you. Yet, no matter what anyone says or thinks, only one person’s opinion counts – and that is God’s. Do not spend your life trying to impress anyone else, or trying to gain people’s love and acceptance. You were made for a purpose, so live it. Show the world who you are and don’t forget your own self-worth and remember not to let others make you feel any less. Be you, no one else can! 

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I moved back to my home coastal city of Durban just over ten years ago, after being away for a few years working in a different city far from home. Many terrible things had happened to lead up to that point, and I shall not into detail on that now, but let’s just say a change was needed – a new beginning. I escaped from everything harmful that was poisoning my soul and robbing me of my happiness. Longing for home and my family, I relocated back. There I started contracting for a new company and set out on the next chapter of my life. Not long after this, I met a wonderful and inspiring lady who worked at a pharmacy next door to my company. It was not long until we became very good friends ... and to this day Diann has remained one of my best friends, a wise mentor and pillar of strength and inspiration when times have been tough. 

Though times have been hard, difficult situations and tragedies have come to pass in the past few years, I came to realise that we are blessed no matter what happens. Even through the bad, negative things that come our way, there is always something good that comes of it. We may not see it at first, but it is definitely almost always prevalent at the end of it. At some times it may be just to make you stronger and get over a weakness, way of thinking or outlook on life and teach you something new. Whatever it is, always look for the positive, learn from your experiences and move on. Don’t stay in that bad place of depression and sadness. There is always something to be happy, grateful and rejoice over. Trust me, this has proven true in every circumstance for me, all thanks to this very essential lesson learnt. 

No matter the time in between we have seen each other, the distance apart we lived, or anything that came our way, furthermore I learned that true friends are forever. There are a few other close friends I am so blessed with in my life, and they too, have taught me this. A true friendship remains the same no matter what! Each and every time we message each other, mail, Facebook or call – nothing has changed our friendship – and I will always be grateful and appreciative for that. Through all that we have gone through in our lives Diann has always been there to lift my spirits, comfort with words of wisdom and direction, and taught me to stand firm and remember we are not alone throughout our lives. There is always at least a few people in one’s life who are there for you, including God. So don’t ever give up, do not lose hope. You are never truly alone. 

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The third (and definitely not least!) inspiring lady who always comes to mind, is my dear friend Sue. Almost six years ago, we met online on a social media website, where I learned she had the same rare heart condition my mum has. We instantly clicked. At around the same time, she was going in for surgery to assist correcting this condition. Hoping for the best outcome, whilst knowing how delicate a procedure and syndrome this is – I prayed. Pleased to say, Sue came out of it well, and we have remained best friends to this day. 

The strength, courage and faith which she displayed through this trial in her life and right in the beginning of our wonderful friendship inspired me enormously. It reminded me of my mum and the health complications she had faced already in her life, particularly with the same condition, and how strong both of them remained in God, whilst keeping their faith intact and not giving up on life. This has been a lesson I have learnt over and over through all the other hardships Sue had been through, yet she stood firm and endured it all. It taught me the value on how to be a strong through all times and weather the storms which come our way. We could be face the worst and most terrifying of situations, but it is up to us to have the right mind-set and positivity that we will get through it. Remain strong and know that the tough times will pass – and remember if there is nothing more you can do about it, to stop worrying over it and hang on to your faith that things will work out in the best way. 

An additional big inspiration to me, is that I learned also the meaning of true friendship through Sue, like I did with other close friends. We both stay in different countries on practically opposite sides of the planet. We never get to see each other in person, but yet the friendship forever remains the same. It just goes to show that friendship is not measured by the length of time you know each other, or if you see each other often or not. True friendship proves when your relationship never changes, no matter what (and this goes for other types of relationships as well). It is in the depth of care, consideration and concern you feel for one another’s lives and well-being. By never letting each other down. To always be there for them, even if in spirit. This is what it is all about! 

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What better and appropriate way to end this series, around the time of Mother’s Day. A day amongst all the other days in the year to celebrate you and all you do for those around you. To all you beautiful, extraordinary ladies I have been inspired by and mentioned in this series who have blessed my life in ways I cannot count, I pay tribute to you all and want you to know how much you are loved and appreciated. Know also that you have forever changed and influenced my life in a grand way. Forever will I be thankful for all you have taught, directly, or indirectly, by inspiring me to be better than what I am. What I can say for sure is that my life certainly would not be the same without you all in it!

Inspirational Women in My Life, Part 2

Last time, I began to tell you about the most influential and greatest women my life has been blessed with. For myself, I can definitely say it has been rewarding as well as enlightening to recollect the major things I have learnt so far. I sincerely hope you all have been (and will be) able to take something from the wise lessons I have learnt along the way. Many thanks to you all who have given me feedback and all your messages of support. I am so pleased you have all been inspired muchly!

Since I was born, I was fortunate to have another very incredible woman alongside my mum who taught me plenty of lessons I carry with me up until today. Whenever I spend time with her I found to be always motivated, learn much and gain a lot of valuable insight into life – physically and especially spiritually. My grandmother has always been a role model to me, a wise teacher, healer and a spiritual mentor throughout all the years of my life. One of the most true Christian people I know, my gran has always been a great inspiration to me. Sadly, for the past ten years, she has been living in another town far away on the other end of the country. She is missed every day. It has been a goal of mine for a very many years to go up and visit her but unfortunately this has not been possible yet. Hoping this year that it will become a reality, should I manage to get the means to and finances for it. Like I say many times, time can quickly run away with us, and so we need to make time for our loved ones while we can, in any way we can.

There are so many wisdoms I have treasured since young which my gran has taught me but I would say the most significant of these were those on life and the example she set for good, honest, Godly living. Her selfless giving and care for others in general always stood out for me. My gran was always there for us or others, always generously gave of her time and whatever resources she could spare. The ultimate sacrifice was ten years ago when she gave up basically all she owned to move away from the coast, move in and assist with looking after my uncle’s family when my aunt had had cancer at the time. This taught me the true meaning of sacrifice, selflessness as well as serving and loving others. Through this very valuable lesson, I also learnt from her that what you sow, that you will also reap. Also known as the law of karma, that whatever you give out, it will come back to you multiplied. Do good, be good, and live good lives. Be a blessing to others when you have the opportunity. Give selflessly, cheerfully, honestly. Give what you can, when you can – in turn, when it is you who is in a predicament, you will find that others will be there for you as well. God blesses those who look after others and give of themselves. It always comes back to you, no matter what you give out. Something I noticed throughout my life, is that my gran never went without, and just as she always reiterated “God will provide”, so it had been always!

Another much-loved value learnt from my dear grandmother, has to be that of the miracle of creation, the diversity and beauty of all things, including all human beings. Our long walks through the gardens at home where she and my great grandmother (my grandmother’s mum) lived, or our outings to the various beaches down the coast and other places we went; provided a perfect environment for an outdoor classroom in nature, teaching us much on this subject. One of my gran and great gran’s pride and joy was their garden of an array of a stunning assortment of many flowers, and through the terraced gardens we explored many times. Our frequent trips to the beaches near and far down from where they resided, also enabled us to see many diverse places, and sea life, as we explored each destination in its fullness. There was even a beach my gran took us to which had a small cove where millions of tiny little sea shells collected. The variety and uniqueness of these ranged vastly, and so through teachings at times such as these, she taught us to appreciate everything and everyone all around us – each being and creation a special individual and marvelous design. Each one of us is precious in our own way I learned, do not ever let anyone ever tell you any different. You have a very important part to play in life and have your own extraordinary place in this life, just as everything else does in creation. We are all one, all in this together. And each of us have just as much a right to live and be happy as the next person.

Up until midway through high school, my great grandmother also played a very crucial part in my life. We used to go visit her with my family for weekends or holidays up until she got quite old and my grandmother moved in to take care of her. Then we got to visit with both of them every time we went by. I remember the awesome English Breakfasts, the fabulous Sunday lunches and let’s not forget the deliciously mouth-watering baked goods! Everything was always so scrumptiously home cooked and full of healthy goodness. One of my favourite places to be, was at my great gran’s feet or by her side on the couch, overlooking the broad sea view and valley with its river which wound its way to the beach some distance away. The same river which came past the bottom of her massive  garden which terraced down towards it, away from her big house on the hill overlooking this magnificent view. I thoroughly enjoyed listening to all her tales of the old days when she used to live in England, or when she paged through the old photo albums telling me much of our family history, and all her many wise lessons on life. Sadly this only lasted up until high school until she passed. My other grandmother passed away long before I was born and has been unfortunate not to have gotten to know her. According to my mum, she was just like my gran and I would have learnt a lot from her as well. But the stories of her live on, and I find great inspiration and strength in hearing them, although she may not be here physically, she lives on in spirit. We remember them always, with fondness, joy and much love.

Well that is all for now, else I could go on forever reminiscing. I will be posting my next post (and last in this series) next week. Please feel free to share your own motivating stories with the rest of us, so we too could be enlightened by the lessons you have learned. Until next time; keep smiling, keep focused on your self-worth and the value of those you are blessed with. Let’s not forget those who have been there for you through your life who supported you, have always lifted you to new heights, successes and cared for you greatly. Make the time. Learn from them what you can, before it is too late.

Inspirational Women in My Life, Part 1

This past week, in my quiet time of reflection and meditation in the mornings, I have been reading up on some significant ways to improve our relationships with others and on how to appreciate the ones you have been blessed with. The author spoke of the most influential women present in his life since childhood and how he had been forever changed by the wisdom, life lessons and inspiration he had received from each of them. This got me to thinking about those wonderful women who have changed mine. The next few posts are dedicated to each one of you. You have all made an enormous impact on my life and I have learned much through all our adventures together this far. So I decided I need to share some of these teachings with you, hoping they make some sort of impact on your life. If not as big as mine, hopefully in some other profound and inspirational way!

When there is so much you can learn from someone, and it being an ongoing process, it becomes difficult to find a starting point to tell of all the lessons you have learnt along the way. This beautiful woman has been my mentor from a very young age, a close friend, teacher, life coach and voice of reason. She is also the strongest person I know, and has brought myself and my siblings through a great deal of hurt and difficulties faced through all our years growing up. She has sacrificed much. She has gone without so that we could have. So much troubles endured, but so many joys we have had … and we made it. We are closer as a family as a result. This amazing lady is my mum.

Of all the things my mum taught us, the first very prominent lesson that has always stuck in my mind is the lesson of the ‘Yesterday Today Tomorrow’ bush (species name Brunfelsia Pauciflora). When I was very young, before the age of ten, we used to have one in our garden not far from my bedroom window. The fragrant smell was marvelous and still one of my favourites to this day. If any of you know what plant I am talking about, you will know it makes three different colours of flower on one plant. A new colour blooms each day, giving it its nickname. Unlike other flowers, this plant’s flowers never last very long, just like our lives from day to day. My mum taught us that life is a lot like this…
• Yesterday is past, gone, history. There is nothing any of us can do to change what has happened before. No amount of worry, regret, guilt or stress will ever bring back those days. So forget about the bad and remember the good – in this way, you will be taking the negative and turning it into positive, all while focusing on the good things and remembering how far you have come, what you have learned and how this has strengthened and improved you for the better.
• Tomorrow may never come. The thing about life is that we never know what is coming next. Sure you could have faith and positivity as big as the entire world, but no one knows when their day has come to depart this life and move on to the next. Only God decides that. There is nothing we can do to change what will happen next, what events will emerge, or which people will enter our lives, until it takes place. If this is so, why worry? There is no use burdening your mind and heart with things that have not yet come to pass – do not focus on the future.
• Today – it is all we have. And this is also a fragile hope, because we may think we have the entire day yet to live, however in an instant things could change. I learnt this lesson fifteen years ago when I was in a very bad accident, including various other adversities throughout the years that followed. All we are ever guaranteed is the here and now. We should be living our lives for today. As the famous old saying goes: Carpe Diem, meaning “seize the day”. Nothing could be further from the truth. In fact, we should be seizing every moment and opportunity we can to truly live, while we still have the chance.

The next lesson which is also just as important to me and a very similar message, is that God’s timing is perfect. Things will always happen when they are destined to, when you are ready, and when the time is right. I learned that “everything happens for a reason”. And it really does indeed. Most, if not all the time, we don’t understand why things happen the way they do. I can hear my mum telling me this now, and remember in the beginning I did not quite understand this lesson until I had been through it a few times. This valuable nugget of wisdom has helped me through many things once my heart finally learnt it. There is always a lesson to be learned from whatever we face (good or bad), a new direction we should be taking to lead us to where we are destined to be, certain people cut out of our lives for our own good, the right job to come our way, the right friends, circumstances, etc. The possibilities could go on and on. Remember to always trust and have faith that things will work out well – stay positive, stay focused and stay happy!

On that note, this just reminds me of the something else we were always taught. Growing up, we had a tough time getting by. Living through our parents being divorced at a very young age and my mum struggling to make ends meet, whatever food, clothing and any other opportunities came our way; my mum taught us the value of appreciation and gratitude for all we had. There is always something to be grateful and happy about. No matter what our circumstances, we are always blessed and fortunate in ways others in this world aren't. Even if it is to be alive, that is at least one blessing to count. We will never be happy until we decide to be, if we can just look at what we have and see we have a lot more going for us than a lot of those unfortunate out there.

Going through tremendous bouts of depression during school, caused due to many factors I had to face growing up, my self-esteem and confidence took a very hard knock. I could not see a way out plenty of days I faced this affliction. It was something I carried into my adulthood and finally overcome, but it all started with these wise words I was taught: “You are unique and one of a kind. You are special and have a very important role to play in life. You have a destiny to fulfill, a reason for living, a purpose divinely set out for your life.” My mum taught me these things since I was in high school, and although I couldn't see it at the time, I can clearly now that I am older. We are all equal, no matter what you look like, what gender, race, orientation, likes/dislikes, and everything about you – it does not change the fact that each of us are special and alive for a reason. Remember that if ever you feel like giving up. No-one can be you except for you. Why would you want to be anybody else, or please anybody else, when you are one of a kind!

Of course there are many more virtuous morals and values and I have taken to heart but to speak of all of these, I would have to write a many more posts! Next time, I will be sharing some more wise lessons learned from some more inspirational women I am blessed to know. Have a beautiful week and remember to count your blessings!

How to Survive a Break-up

If you know me and what has been happening in my life recently, you will know some of the relationship issues I have had to face for the last two years. Through all of the experiences I have had during this time and the years before, I learned a lot which have enlightened my heart and mind when it comes to love and life. Today I would like to share seven wise lessons I learnt to surviving breakups, in the hopes that they may assist with your own healing if you may be going through a similar situation, now or in the future…

Don’t blame yourself when you’re not at fault

Some of you who I know personally or have been following my blog since the beginning, may remember the unpleasant relationship I had got caught up in the year before last. I have spoken of it scarcely here, but my close friends and family will all know the story. It was a cutting situation which left me broken, emotionally wounded, and mentally scarred. The worst part of this was that as I started recovering I noted that I was beginning to blame myself for a lot of things. Eventually though, after hearing how worthless you are and being made to feel unwanted and unlovable, it is so easy to start believing it. Those of you who have not endured this will perhaps not understand what it is like, and I hope you never have to. Luckily my experience with this was short-lived. Coupled with the amazing support from my loved ones and me having learnt the lesson before in my life, I finally learnt once and for all that you should never blame yourself for the mistakes and indecency of other people. Everyone is to answer for their own shortcomings and if that person has hurt, betrayed, deceived or lied to you, then it is on them. There is no excuse for bad behaviour!

Forgiveness is crucial for your own well-being

It was a tough few months of recovery after that ordeal, followed by saying goodbye to a close friend, who I thought was true. At the time I was also working in an abusive unfriendly environment in the previous company I was employed by, then months later ended up in a relationship I did not want to be in in the beginning. I should have followed my intuition, and remained focused on where I wanted to be and who I wanted by my side, instead of ending up with someone who was like the majority of those out there. Yet, I gave it a chance as I was told it ‘would be different this time’. I believed it, but was so wrong. And so, I was hurt all over again. However, I made it through, learned to let go and became even wiser on the lesson of forgiveness. Holding on to unpleasant feelings or past hurts only entraps us in a prison full of grief, while the other person feels no effect. Forgiveness is all about you, and letting yourself free. Escape from feeling any negative thing, and be happy. There are so many things that one can be joyful about and so much we are blessed with, including all those people who still love you and who never do leave your side.

Guard your heart but guard it from turning to stone

Before my last very short-lived relationship and after breaking my friendship off with a false friend, I struggled for a while with this. One evening when chatting with a friend, a huge misunderstanding ended up with him getting hurt in the process by me snapping back. I quickly recognised that my heart had turned cold and hard as stone. Walls had been built around my heart to guard it and I wanted to make sure it could not be broken again. I wanted to be safe. I decided this would not do if it meant those I cared about were affected by this condition too; so I focused my attention on the correct people. I recovered through the love, strength, support and care they all poured out into my life… and healed. And then I met him. It seemed I had met the right person at last. After the first few weeks learning quickly of the things going on behind my back and hurtful things being said all over, I feared I may be thrown back to that place of despair again, ruining all my progress thus far in getting over past sufferings. Thankfully I did not, I was prepared this time and it became much easier to let go. Even if it was not me who let go first. It is too easy to allow our hearts not to care anymore and not worth it letting your personality become compromised just because some people selfishly hurt you. In the end they walk away without a conscience and you are the one who is left broken. Be strong, and keep your heart open to those beautiful souls you are blessed with.

Learn to let go, but don't lose the lesson

Although it may seem the end of the world when a breakup befalls you, you need to remember that as the bad or unnecessary is removed from your life, that it only makes room for wonderful things and new people to enter in. This also means you have to be more careful the next time and learn from what you went through. Remember, it is all for a reason. There is always a lesson to be learnt, even if we do not see it at first. Many times after a breakup, I found myself being my own enemy by tormenting myself with overthinking the situation, as well as letting the despair and sadness get to me. We have to let it go: anything that does not bring us happiness so that we can live free, happy lives. In the end, I managed to learn something useful. The trick is to let go and trust that all will be well, to focus on what is truly important in your life, and to stop worrying over things beyond your control. The reality is, you cannot control anything that comes your way, but we can chose how we react to it and what our attitudes are in response to what takes place. Although it is never good nor is it pleasant going through tough situations, if you can learn something, improve yourself and become stronger through it, then you can always turn a negative into something positive. Sometimes it just takes a little longer. If you keep an attitude of faith and positivity, you can’t go wrong.

Focus on those who never left

After I let go of the people who were causing me harm in my life, the realisation hit me Valentine’s Day last year. If you have not yet read my blog post on this, please do! This may be one of the most profound things I learned through all these difficult times. Finally learning that to help us through any break-up, the focus should not be on the one who left but rather on those who are still there. Of what help will it be fretting over those who don’t even bother about you, and so easily leave your side? Before you end up running after people who clearly do not care as much as you, remember the ones who do. They could so easily be taken from this life before you enjoy as much time as you want with them. I learned this a few years ago when a friend passed away after months of us continually postponing our time spent catching up – all because I was chasing people who don’t bother making an effort in my life. I regretted this for a very long time. Don’t let this be you. You are surrounded by those you love and who have always proven to be there for you, even though some leave. Through the support and strength they provide, you can get through any kind of heartache. That is what true friends and family are there for, we are not created nor meant to live through this life alone.

Spoil yourself, you deserve it

One of the simplest ways to be happy, is to cut out what is making you sad – anything that is bringing grief to your heart, mind and soul. Do yourself a favour by taking some time out for you, do the things you love and have a passion for. These will be all the things you really enjoy and that which truly brings you delight and satisfaction: your interests, hobbies, sports, etc. Not forgetting being around people who contribute to your happiness and share in your joy. Go shopping and do a little retail therapy, go out to lunch/dinner with friends, watch a movie or go somewhere in nature. For myself, I find writing or yoga works well, playing a computer game to get my mind off things, or putting my earphones in and listening to my favourite happy music – even dancing, it is good for the soul! Going to the beach or to a nature reserve (there are three close by to my apartment) I find quite relaxing, soothing and inspiring. It is good for the soul to surround yourself with peace and harmony, and anything that brings happiness to your soul. Treat yourself and let the healing begin!

Making wiser choices, focusing on your happiness

As the old proverb goes, “happiness starts with yourself”. But what does this mean? It means the decision to be happy starts within us – we alone are responsible. Other people, passions and things can contribute happiness into our lives, but we ultimately need to decide to be. It means choosing to be grateful for what and who you have in your life, not wanting more (there are many who have far less) or want for anyone else other than your partner you are destined to be with at that moment in time. It means enjoying my day in spite of what is happening around me, that I will enjoy this day because I am alive, I am free and blessed – despite my circumstances – and no matter what, I know who I am, what I want, and that there is a better plan for me (those of you who believe, like I do, that it is God's timing). Hold on to the things and people of value in your life, make sure you are not throwing anyone away for the ‘next best thing’ or because you are hurting too much and building walls to protect yourself. Take care of you, but don’t let harsh words come out of your mouth and hurt those you love. Take care of their hearts too! We cannot let ourselves stoop to the same level others treat us. We must not leave a trail of broken hearts behind … for which you will be responsible alone. Make sure you are happy first and over past hurts before moving on with your life.

Sometimes you need to let go. Yes, it hurts when the things or the people we love are taken from us and removed from our lives. Make your peace with the loss. Nothing lasts forever. Like the trees in autumn, you too must learn to shed your attachments and start afresh. Take heart because every situation, both good and bad, lines your path up with the right people you need to meet along the way. Some will teach you, some will guide you, some you need to be there for a time, others will be forever. Make wiser choices the next time you meet someone and be careful for not everyone you meet is your friend nor has your best interests at heart. It is rather better to get to know somebody first, and make sure you are vigilant of letting the right individuals into your life, perhaps the right soul into your heart. You never know, you may find you have known your soulmate all along!

Through the Rainstorm

Through the past few months of struggle and strain, anxiety and aching in my heart; I continue to trudge through what’s left of the metaphorical rainstorm I found myself in. The sun has finally come out and the last few raindrops of residual stress are draining away. Through the retreating clouds, a beautiful rainbow of hope and happiness has appeared to me, and I realise the worst is over. Life is good regardless; if one takes the time to see the beauty in the rain, the rolling thunder, even the lightning and dreary days. Sure, it may be tough going through that storm, enduring it, and braving the face of danger and adversity that comes our way in life. However, there are always positives and days to enjoy the rain, despite our grumbles and groans on our circumstances at the time.

I have always loved this depiction of the difficult times we go through in life. Not long ago I had been inspiring a couple of friends to not give up, to keep on moving forward positively, and to look for the lessons we can learn through all our experiences in the storms of life (the good and the bad, especially the bad!). Yet I was unaware that my own storm was to begin rolling over the hills of my not-too-distant future. Encouraging my friends and sister to keep focused and happy was one thing, yet another when you yourself are suddenly going through the same things! It is tough to go through any kind of stress at work, relationships or sickness (be it your own or that of a loved one). Three of the greatest stresses in life, and we found ourselves right in the middle of all of them.

The beauty of a rainstorm is not only relishing in the washing away of all the dirt, muck and grittiness that surrounds us in our lives – yet it is in that cleansing and renewal that we need to place our focus. Everything in life happens for a reason, and we need sunny days as well as rainy ones. It is at times like these, that we need the unnecessary and destructive things washed away, including harsh and disparaging jobs, false and disloyal friends (or partners), overcoming health concerns… We must get our focus back on track and do away with anything that doesn't contribute to our happiness or add any kind of value to our lives. Change can be good – embrace it.

And once the roaring rain subsides, the clouds of despair scatter into nothingness, and the beautiful warmth of the sun emerge once more; your very own rainbow will appear for you to appreciate and adore. The end is near, just keep strong whilst marching on through it – with hope in your heart, and a smile on your face. Like everything in life, troubles and hardship are just temporary. Let’s all be thankful and grateful for this truth every day.

What The Person You Deserve Is Like

You deserve love and security, a combination that warms the core of your heart. You deserve knowledge that the person you are with wants to be there and, more importantly, won’t run away when times get tough. This is someone that will stay by your side, fight your fights right there with you because they know you would do the same for them.

You deserve someone who laughs at your jokes and smiles at the mere sight of you smiling. This smile will be genuine, not fake, and you will feel butterflies when you see it and your smile will grow until your cheeks can no longer take it.

You deserve someone who brings you coffee in the morning because they know the addiction is real. You deserve breakfast in bed, flowers “just because,” and hugs that feel like you are at home.

You deserve hands that only reach for you. They may be dry, cracked, calloused, perfectly manicured, or a complete mess, but they know you, your hands, and your body. They don’t reach away to know more.

You deserve someone who doesn't make you cry, at least on purpose, because you are human and you feel deeply and love passionately, and when one teardrop falls there may be a thousand more, but you are not alone. Even though they hurt you, they hold you until the shaking stops, wiping away your tears and kissing your damp cheeks although you whisper for them to stop. They will say sorry and you will feign being mad until you both give in to happiness again because you know anger is a state the two of you cannot remain in.

You deserve someone who takes responsibility for their mistakes and who apologizes for the times they unintentionally hurt you because you would do the same for them. You deserve someone who can forgive as you do, even if neither of you can completely forget.

You deserve someone whose touch feels like fireworks across your skin, whose eyes always look for yours when they enter a room, and whose heart never yearns for the attention of another.

You deserve trust that may waver but never entirely falter. It will look nothing like control. It will look like freedom but with your best friend by your side holding your hand. There will be moments of jealousy, but these will be outweighed by smiles, laughter, trust, and love.

You deserve back rubs for no reason, dinner you don’t have to make alone, a hand to hold, a heart to feel, and a person who cannot imagine life without you in it.

You deserve security just as much as you deserve spontaneity. You will be comfortable but not so settled down that stubborn roots no longer give you the nutrients you need to grow. This person you are with will try the things you enjoy and you will try the things they do as well. You will find new things to do and new places to go because you both love to share these sorts of moments together.

You deserve someone who pushes you to be better, to seek out the best opportunities for you even if the next step is terrifying for you both.

You deserve chocolate when you are cranky, a partner to indulge in your guilty television pleasures, and someone who tries to kiss you even though they just watched you puke up breakfast, lunch, and dinner. This is the person who laughs when you correct their grammar instead of getting mad, the one who knows they had better text you back, and the person who understands that you will not always have your “A game” out on display.

You deserve someone who wants to be better for you, someone who strives to be better for you, but, most importantly, you deserve someone who wants to be better for themselves. This is the type of person who will grow alongside of you and never dream of holding you back.

You deserve someone who is looking at the big picture in life, and that picture has you in it.

You deserve someone who continues looking forward, someone who doesn't stop constantly to look at the past. They may not like everything about who you were before, but they love who you have become. They know not to let your past trip them up for too long. You both came into the relationship with baggage that slowly unpacked itself and, even though it would be easy enough to pack up your things and go back to your respective homes, you both stay.

You deserve someone who loves you as much as you love them, a life that is so beautiful that you cannot tell if you are awake or still in bed dreaming, and someone who doesn't so much as put one foot out the door because they know you are not the person to walk away from. This will be the person who sticks around through thick and thin because they want to, not because they have to.

You deserve all of this and so much more, and you deserve it for a lifetime.

~ by Kyle Freelander

Keeping Our Hope in Love

The last month has been an incredibly difficult time for me. I found myself wrapped up in the stresses of life: moving to my new apartment, issues at the office, and being ill - but also hurt, rejection and betrayal from some people in my life which I thought would never happen. Yet through it all, I see the positive in all the craziness. I see the lessons to be learnt and gathered from all life's ups and downs. 

And so, I found myself losing hope in love. Not just romantic love, but even other types of love. Thank goodness the one type of love I will not fail to stop believing in, is that of the love God has for us. It is a love which never ceases, no matter what. And of course the love of my parents, which has demonstrated for me in my own life a kind of comprehension of how God loves us. In a few moments of despair, I found myself gripped and overwhelmed by the clutches of depression and anxiety. Through it all, I have learned some valuable lessons, to trust my instincts, who is always there for me, and who matters most in my life. 

So what do we do when we find ourselves losing hope? If life has taught me anything, it is that everything is temporary. Except for true love, which lasts forever, be it in whichever form. Yet in all of the troubles weighing upon my heart and mind, I found myself void of remembering this. But why does this happen I have been asking myself? 

Perhaps it is the apparent enormity of the issues one faces, the seemingly defeating stresses coming at us at each turn, or maybe the grief we feel at the loss of something or someone in our lives which brings our whole world crashing down all around us. Or so we think. It is easy to let these things overwhelm us and sink into a pit of despair, however it is easy for the person to say that things are not as bad as they seem when they are not in that valley of shadow. 

Something that has always gotten me through is remembering in a positive way that I have made it through so many other awful things, and that through every storm, there is always sunshine after the rain – and a beautiful rainbow! Never forget this, and keep pushing forward until you come out the other end in the warmth of happier, better days. You will make it, and you will be victorious! Things may get worse before they are better, but hang on; and do not lose hope. You are indeed stronger than you think.

I have realised I may not have a lot of good, true friends in my life; but if it weren’t for the many wonderful people I am so blessed with, I am sure my world would’ve been a darker place. The strength and love I have seen in these past dark days through these wonderful people have renewed my hope in love once again. Just because one finds yourself immensely hurt, betrayed or devastated by whatever circumstance befalls you – it may seem like all hope is lost, that you cannot love again, or that you will never trust once more – don't lose hope in love because Love will never give up on you. 

The Greatest Valentine: Love for my Family & Friends

Valentine’s Day – a day numerous people all over the world utilise as a special day on which to spoil their loved ones, and show their love. However, we find more and more these days how the world around us has capitalised on this (as well as other holidays in the year). We sometimes seem to lose sight of the fact that we also don’t need one specific day to show our love and care to others, but in fact, every day should be like Valentine’s Day for those we hold most dear.

This year I had big plans for this Friday past. I planned on putting up this post too but am glad I was too busy and never got around to it; because really, as I have just said, is not necessary to express my feelings on just this one particular day and be clichéd in doing so! So, now that I look back on what was a rather eventful and rather ‘interesting’ evening, a few things have stood out for me.

My dear sister and I, made plans to do something together this year as we are both currently single. We went down to the beach to one of the bonfire parties they hold periodically in tribute of various festivals and special occasions. We were so keen. The beach is both of our favourite places to be, and under a full moon rising, even more so and magical a place we could not resist to be. This past week had brought about new stresses with it, things I learnt and experienced: being deceived again by someone I did not expect this from – and this after I was still getting over losing a best friend who did the same. Yet, I still had an aura of positivity wrapped around me, and nothing was going to destroy the evening I so looked forward to.

As I stepped onto the cool, soft sands of the moonlit beach, I could hear the sound of drums, music, laughter and merrymaking. The first voice which came to my ears was that of my sister, my best friend, my twin soul. Joy filled my heart and for a moment; I forgot about the doubts lingering in the dark corners of my mind. Here I was home. Here, amongst those who love me dearly. Nothing else mattered. Some friends of ours met us there, and in no time I found myself surrounded by some of the most awesome and amazing souls I know. Even some new ones who I got to connect with. What a pleasure, what awesome fun, and a good network of friends to support each other on this special occasion. As the evening ensued, I realised that even with things not working as we planned – even if we did not end up with a special someone as many would've liked this day – none of that mattered. I was surrounded by love, by the some of the great people I have been blessed with.

After learning a few truths over the weekend, by Monday I was over the hurt and frustration of it all. I finally had come to grips with the situations my sister, myself and two other friends had all been experiencing recently. I came to realise something which I have learnt many times in my life: should you be single, remember not to let it get you down. Do not for one second let any holiday or celebration depress you if you find yourself standing on the path of life with no partner by your side. For if you look around you just a little longer, a bit more carefully, you will notice you are not alone at all. There, all around you in a shroud of protection, a network of support; of love, care, upliftment and positivity – are the ones who never leave your side.

And that’s the greatest, most exceptional Valentine of all.

People False and True

Last week I lost a friend. I never thought it would happen, but it did. The harsh reality of deception, lies and betrayal led to a broken heart. Mine. But, as they say, life goes on - and you have to pick up the pieces moving on as best you can. To keep progressing one needs to continue on. One cannot linger on what was; only on what is now and push forward. It is not easy. Trust me, I can vouch for that. Just remember if this happens to you, whether a friend, partner or anyone else in your life lets you down - and you will have that - don't let it hinder your progress. Don't for one second let it break you. Please remember at all times, whatever you do, do not let yourself succumb to bitterness. You are worth much more than that to let yourself be defeated! 

God has placed people in our lives for a reason, a season or a lifetime. A reason to teach us, or us to teach them. A season for us to grow and learn by something we are going through, or something we need to experience in life for a time to shape and mould us. A lifetime to be there throughout our lives for love, support and to teach us some very important foundations for living. This is a valuable lesson I have learnt throughout my life. We are also there to love, support and care for the people we are blessed with around us. But unfortunately, this is not always a possible sentiment received from others in your life. Yet it is important to learn and grow from whatever we go through, to move past the obstacle, and rise above it. Every little stumbling block you come across your path on the road of life, God will use either teach you, strengthen you or mould you into who you are meant to be. But it is up to us to grab hold of that opportunity to turn it into something that will build our character, not break it down. 

I find myself standing here looking at my life. And what I can see is all the extraordinary people I am left with: some I have known for very many years, others not as long. However all have a very special place in my heart. And I am thankful. So very grateful for those who are always there no matter what. Joy rises in my heart at the thought of that, and helps me forget the past betrayal from certain ex's and false friends. A wise teaching I have learnt through all this is that if people really care and want to be in your life, they will make the effort to do so. In learning this, I have come to a place of peace and let things be as they be. Life is too short to chase the wrong people, situations and focus on the wrong things... 

However, it is also sometimes not about the length of time you have known someone, but the depth of the connection you share. It is in recognising and acknowledging these beautiful souls, the blessings we have in our life and focusing on the right people; that make life so worth living. To good and true friends and wonderful people I am so fortunate to have by my side: much love, thanks and gratitude to you all. Thank you for remaining in my life. My heart and soul is glad to know you.

Things Strong People Avoid Doing

I often write about the things I believe we all should be doing, trying or experimenting with in order to maximize our success and happiness. However, it’s not always the things we do that make the biggest difference in our lives; it’s often the things we avoid doing that have the biggest effect. As human beings, we have a strong aversion to not doing; we feel that in order to produce results, there must be an initial action.

However, because we are almost always doing something, piling on more and more often has a negative effect, rather than a positive one. Among the mentally strong, there are several actions that are avoided in order to produce the greatest benefit in the shortest period of time.

These actions are those that the mentally strong avoid, and that we should consider adapting as our own:

1. Dwelling On The Past
Mentally strong individuals focus on the present moment and on the near future. They understand that the past is out of our control and the far future is about as predictable as the weather this winter (something I have touched on recently!).

2. Remaining In Their Comfort Zone
The comfort zone is a dangerous place, a dark abyss where anyone who remains there for too long loses his or herself entirely. Staying within your comfort zone is giving up on life. We need to truly and wholeheartedly live, grabbing the opportunities that present themselves - whether it is someone you love and want to make a life with, an opportunity, new career/job, etc. You never know when it will be your last day, and how we will regret the things we did not grasp when we had the chance! A very real truth shared by many on their death bed, according to studies conducted in many different studies I have read up n recently. More on that next time...

3. Not Listening To The Opinions Of Others
Only the foolish believe themselves to be sufficient in all regards. When it comes to brainstorming, ideas can’t so much be forced as they can be caught. A good idea is a good idea, regardless of whether or not you came up with it. Don’t let your ego get the better of you; if someone has great advice to give, take it. Once the moment has passed, you will never be able to get it back again!

4. Avoiding Change
What the mentally strong understand that the mentally weak do not is that change is unavoidable. Trying to avoid the inevitable is pointless. Therefore, trying to avoid change is pointless; it’s a mere waste of time and energy. Nothing in this life is permanent, everything is constantly in a cycle of change. So this is a reality we just have to accept at the end of the day.

5. Keeping A Closed Mind
You don’t know everything. Even the things you believe yourself to know are likely to not be entirely true. If you keep a closed mind, you are preventing yourself from learning new material. If you stop learning, you stop living. Knowledge is power, as they say.

6. Letting Others Make Decisions For Them
Only you should be making your own decisions; you can’t allow others to make them for you. All this does is shift the responsibility from you to someone else, but the only person failing in the end is you. If you don’t have the courage to fail, then you don’t have the courage to succeed.

7. Getting Jealous Over The Successes Of Others
When others succeed, you should be happy. If they can do it, so can you. The success of others does not, in any way, lessen the chances of you succeeding. If anything, it should motivate you to keep pushing forward. We are all here in this life together, we should show support and give credit where its due. What you do to others, will come back to you!

8. Thinking About The High Possibility Of Failure
Our thoughts control our perspective; our perspective controls our results. The mentally strong understand this and use this to their advantage. There’s always the chance you may fail, but as long as there is the chance you may succeed, it’s worth trying.

9. Feeling Sorry For Themselves
Stuff happens. Life can be hard. People get hurt; others die. Life isn't all roses and butterflies. You will fall off that horse again and again and again. The question is, are you strong enough to keep getting back on it?

10. Focusing On Their Weaknesses
Although working on our weaknesses does have its benefits, it’s more important to focus on banking on our strengths. The most well-rounded person is not the person that gets the furthest in life. Being average in all regards makes you average. However, mastering a certain skill-set or trait will allow you to beat the competition with less effort.

11. Trying To Please People
A job well done is a job well done, no matter who is judging the final product. You can’t please everybody, but you can always manage to do your very best.

12. Blaming Themselves For Things Outside Their Control
The mentally strong know the things they can control, understand the things they cannot control, and avoid even thinking about that which is completely out of their hands.

13. Being Impatient
Patience isn't just a virtue; it is the virtue. Most people don't fail because they aren't good enough, or aren't capable of winning or succeeding. Most people fail because they are impatient and give up before their time has come.

14. Being Misunderstood
Communication is key in any properly functioning system. When it comes to people, things get a bit more complicated. Simply stating information is never enough; if the receiving party misunderstands you, your message is not being properly relayed. The mentally strong do their best to be understood and have the patience to clear up misunderstandings.

15. Feeling Like You’re Owed
You aren't owed anything in life. You were born; the rest is up to you. Life doesn't owe you anything. Others don’t owe you anything. If you want something in life, you only owe it to yourself to go out and get it. In life, there are no handouts.

16. Repeating Mistakes
Make a mistake once, okay. Make a mistake twice… not so okay. Make the same mistake a third time, you may need to consider you are doing something wrong and not learning the lesson to be learnt from what you are going through. Keep pushing on. And as the saying goes: try, try and try again - but get it right in the end! You can do it!

17. Giving Into Their Fears
The world can be a scary place. Some things frighten us with good cause, but most of our fears are illogical. If you know that you want to try something, try it. If you’re scared, then understand that being scared of failing must mean that succeeding means a whole lot to you.

18. Acting Without Calculating
The mentally strong know better than to act before completely understanding the situation at hand. If you have time to ponder over something and cover all your bases, then do so. Not doing so is pure laziness. And if you have said you have felt a certain way or thought on something a long time - do not dismiss it and make excuses to shirk your way out of responsibility. Face your situation and grapple it head on.

19. Refusing Help From Others
You’re not Superman; you can’t do it all. Even if you can, why should you? If others are offering to help, let them help. Be social. Listen to their ideas and watch how they do things. You may learn something. If not, then you can teach them something and do what humans are meant to do: socialize.

20. Throwing In The Towel
The biggest weakness in all of humanity is giving up — calling it quits, throwing in the towel. The mentally strong go about things in such a way. Only do things if they are important to you; forget the things that aren't important to you. If they’re important to you, then pursue them until you succeed. No exceptions, ever.

Look Ahead - Not Backward!

I was sitting here at home just a moment ago, thinking back. Back on the year (and years before) gone by. Wow, so much has happened in just this year, let alone all the others before that. Incredible isn't it, when reminiscing as such, you realise how far you have come?

As we approach Christmas, and then New Year’s Eve after that, a lot of us will find ourselves looking upon our past year and what has led us up to what is right now. I admit; a lot of your and my choices I have made have ended up in disaster. But then I consider to myself, what of all the good choices we have made? As I mentioned the other day, everything happens for a reason! What is done is done. It is behind us, and so now we find ourselves upon the precipice of decision to move on: we are all the wiser, have added knowledge, are even stronger, and more mature. Hopefully, we have learnt from what we endured. If we haven’t, it is best to start now. What better time to do so anyway before the next year dawns upon us?

We needed to go through the trials, the hardships, and even the good times. The retrenchments, breakups, accidents were necessary for our growth. The new jobs and promotions, new romance or friendships, and other things we are blessed with – all very essential for our life’s journey. The bad experiences along with the good are there to teach us. Don’t fall short and lose the lesson which you can learn from what you have been through. Grasp it, analyse how you can use it to your advantage, and learn the lesson (however small) – and grow.

Again contemplating on what was, I turn my thoughts yet again to what is to come. Life is to be travelled forwards, not backwards. Remember that. So look ahead, look to what is now. Look at your future and how you can apply what you have learnt in life. Pick yourself up out of the pit of sorrow, pain, hurt, disappointment, depression – and move on to the next chapter in your life. Things always get better, and awesome days are ahead of you! That is a fact.

Everything Happens for a Reason

Whether you believe it or not, everything does indeed happen for a reason. In the orchestra of life, so much is taking place around us at all times - some of which we are aware of, whilst other things we are totally oblivious to. Through the past few months, I have been reminded of this time and again…

There are many illustrations I could use. One example is perhaps a vehicle driving slow on the road in front of you on your way to work, causing you to be late. We may not realise this, but someone ahead on your path could have jumped the traffic light carelessly; and in another reality, would've collided with you should you have not encountered the slow-moving vehicle. Situations such as these have occurred to me personally, a few times over. In the greater plan for our lives, and what is meant to be, it may not be our time to depart this plane of existence just yet. Rather than getting upset over the incident, let us stop to consider the bigger picture and so, preserve ourselves from frustration and irritation. Just because we do not know it at the time, or why, does not mean there is not a reason for this. There may be a very good reason why certain things happen the way they do!

What about that partner who selfishlessly betrays or cheats on you? Yes indeed, it is mountain of hurt, anger, defeat and emotional pain tumbles down and crushes us. Anyone dreads this. It is the one of the worst stresses we have to endure in our existence here on Earth. This has been something that happened to me not so long ago in my own life. I must say, I did suffer for a time - but I have chosen to look at the lessons to be learnt, how I can potentially grow and strengthen myself, and to consider that (at the very least) that this was not meant to be.

People will also come into your life for various reasons, most of the time unbeknownst to us at that moment, for a reason (to teach us something), a season (to be with us for whatever reason at a particular time in our lives), or a lifetime (these are the true friends, special family members and people who, no matter what, will always be at your side). And so, I have picked myself up out of the dirt and carried on with life, knowing there are bigger and better purposes which God intends for us. The right people come and go into your life, at all the right times. And most times, the wrong people leaving are to make place for exactly the right ones. This is something to look forward to!

I urge all of you to take heart if you are going through trials, it will not last forever and only a period. But most of all, remember that you will come out better than before, if you just choose to take the negative and turn it into a positive. You are worth much more than you know; do not let the stresses of life weigh down on you and crush your hopes and dreams. It will all work out in the end. And God has promised us this, all for our good.

Daydreaming of Hedgehogs

Hedgehogs are one of nature’s most captivating creatures and one of my favourite little wonders of this world. Beneath a prickly exterior lies a heart of courage. With the ability to protect itself with a formidable armour of spines, this cute creature can be bold and resilient if necessary! 

Recently, hedgehogs have captured my attention. I have been seeing them everywhere, and I couldn't shake the feeling that there was a deeper meaning. After spending time in meditation and prayer yesterday, reflecting on stressful and traumatic past events, I realized the symbolism and the meaning of this message I was getting through this brave being.

Suddenly, it dawned on me! These fascinating little animals possess a covering of protection, designed so that their spines are part of who they are (unlike the porcupine, with its easily detachable quills). The message was clear: We need to stay strong and stand firm during trials, to resist defeat. A reminder to harness confidence and motivation in the face of life’s challenges.

These creatures often curl into a ball, standing their ground with unwavering fortitude when confronted by an adversary. This is a powerful lesson for us all. We need to become like the hedgehog, strong and courageous. Our ability to withstand difficulty lies in our determination to stand firm and face our battles head-on. Even though we may feel small and helpless, by persevering and refusing to yield, we will endure almost anything that comes our way. With this spirit, we can conquer any obstacle! 

Often, I find myself lost in thought, pondering life's incredible mysteries and the valuable lessons hidden within. I'm curious about how we can evolve through our experiences, forging strength and building resilience rather than breaking under pressure. I contemplate the profound lessons embedded within our journeys and how we can harness these experiences to learn and grow. This intrinsic nature has become a powerful tool for evolution and insight. 

It's from these daydreams that the inspiration for this blog was born. I hope my experiences and lessons can inspire you to tap into your own inner strength. We’ll explore together how to turn challenges into triumphs and discover the hidden potential within us all.

Let us embrace the hedgehog spirit: a steadfast determination, a capacity for solitude, and an unwavering belief in our ability to overcome.