The Importance of Self-Worth

At the beginning of last year, we lost a friend who took his own life due to depression. I would have wanted to post this and explore more into this subject with him in the deep discussions we used to have, before that dark day came. Yet life can be so unpredictable and none of us could have realised what events were about to unfold before it was too late. This, in addition to me beating myself up for not being present enough, only fuelled my dwindling desire to continue with anything I loved. And so, procrastination took a firm hold once again – something I never had an issue with in the past but mysteriously developed several years ago, something I believed had been conquered already.

I began this post a long time ago, it was to be my next one before my life went through the changes and trials that followed the passing of my friend, which caused my posts here to cease. To add to getting overwhelmed in the busyness of life, I was now also dealing with this loss (and that of an almost life-long friend two months later), along with the seemingly never-ending battle with overcoming procrastination all over again. My constant mission with self-development and improvement with this which I was learning – seemed to halt at that point, just when I thought it was all about to end. I am glad to say that I have overcome this a while back now and have figured out the reasons why it occurred, along with solutions in getting over it at last. But more on that later in an upcoming post which I have also been working on!

Depression can be a heart-breaking condition, and the feelings of low self-esteem which often go with it, can be an exceedingly difficult thing to handle. It is even worse when you feel like you are all alone and swallowed up in all your struggles, stress or circumstances. I am sure most of us, if not all, have gone (or are going) through this at some point in our lives. I know some who are still battling.

My earliest recollection of this troubling me was when I was in school. The problems I faced growing up was made up of a variety of obstacles, including (in no particular order): my parents getting divorced at a young age, being bullied at school, experiencing abuse, various forms of rejection, loneliness, moving around a lot and so on. Looking back now I can see how all these issues all knock our self-esteem and can make us feel worthless, useless, unwanted or unloved. All it takes is one ordeal such as these to push us into despair and feeling terrible about ourselves. The good news, however, is that we can master our emotions and insecurities. It just takes some working through, a healthy perspective and the right awareness.

For all that I have endured though, I am both grateful and thankful to have eventually managed to conquer them all. Some took much longer than others, but in the end, it is all worth it because each and every circumstance we go through in life is a lesson to learn from. To gain wisdom and insight. To grow. To evolve.

Amongst the things I have learnt in defeating depression and an unhappy or low disposition, a key ingredient in the recipe of success is learning how to love, accept and respect yourself. By saying this, I do not mean in a vain or unhealthy way. What I mean is in a manner which you realise this truth: that you are indeed valuable no matter what you or anyone may lead you to believe; you are a beautiful and magnificent creation, you are unique, special, important, gifted, talented and one-of-a-kind. There is, has never been, and will never be another exceptional being like you. Once we realise this, our journey begins to a healthier self-image, feeling respect and worth for ourselves and honouring the life we have been gifted with. We have this one chance to make the most of it.

In the next post, I will be speaking more on this to show you some very enlightening viewpoints which we can use to bring light into what is a seemingly dark valley of shadows on the road of life. It is not an easy road to travel on the way to a improved sense of self-worth, but we can get there. Anything is possible for us if we have some faith, focus on the positives and blessings in our life, as well as have motivation to move in the right direction.

The Freedom of Forgiveness

We have all been there. Be it a fall-out with friend or family member, someone who used you, perhaps a lie or deception. There could be any or many ways someone can cause us pain. Whatever the issue was that caused us harm, we are all faced with the decision in the end: forgive or hold on. What I have learned in my own life is that sometimes the best thing you can do is to let go of what is hurting you, because by holding on it causes you even more damage.

But why is it so difficult for a lot of us to forgive and let go? Here are three reasons this could be (and the ways to overcome them):

1. Resentment

We feel victimised, wronged, and makes us hold a grudge against the other person. Perhaps you are waiting for the other person to apologise to you, to make things right, or to explain themselves. Whatever the reason, holding onto old past hurts have a negative impact on your health and well-being. Bearing a grudge is one of the unhealthiest things you can do to yourself, and causes a lot of unnecessary stress. Keeping these ill feelings towards someone, to the pain, the disappointment or staying angry; hardens your heart and only hurts only you. It is not worth it, what the other person did to you is not worth it, to keep yourself in a prison of unforgiveness.

By not letting go, a lot of harmful, negative factors come into your life from retaining resentment: Carrying over bitterness and anger into other relationships, feeling disconnected with other people, depression and anxiety, not being able to enjoy life because you constantly remember the past, feeling that your life lacks meaning or purpose or that you're at odds with your spiritual beliefs, mental and emotional stress leading to physical stress manifesting, tension with the other person or people when you are around them, general unhappiness and frustration too. By letting this happen, we give away our power, our right to happiness, our freedom.

Do not let yourself get to this stage, and if you are there already, work on getting back on track to concentrating on your own peace of mind and happy space. Whatever happened, or if there may have been a reason for it or not, is not important. What is though, is your ability to let go of what happened so to move on with your life and focus on the things and people who do not let you down. And if there is a chance of reconciling the relationship, one must take it because sometimes people do make mistakes or are too focused on their own lives. Relationships are precious, value them and make them count wherever and whenever you can.

2. Retaliation

We want to hurt them back or pay for what they did to us, or even those we love. Feelings of anger, frustration and even thoughts of revenge may pop up in your mind. They hurt us, so now they must pay, they have to feel our pain and what they put us through to understand how we feel too. It seems unfair that we need to bear this burden, yet they walk away with apparently no conscience or feelings of remorse. This is a deadly trap to let ourselves fall into!

How do we determine if we have any of these bad feelings still left undealt with? By talking excessively about the event or the person responsible, by bad-mouthing them, how it or what they did still bothers you, and by letting it get to you bringing bitterness or hatred into your heart. Do not hold onto those miserable feelings inside and allow them to interfere with your life. Forgive and truly let it go. Do this for yourself. When someone you care about hurts you, you can hold on to anger, resentment and thoughts of revenge — or embrace forgiveness and move forward. But if you don't practice forgiveness, you will be the one who pays the most. Whether or not the person is a friend, family member, colleague, etc. who you want or need to keep in your life, they could be oblivious to your hurt and continue living out their lives. So, in saying this, if you hold onto unforgiveness, you see that this does not affect the other person in any way. This is for you, and you alone.

Keep this in mind also, what you say and what you do matters. When you show kindness to others, your words and actions have a positive ripple effect which spreads out to affect many people. The same thing happens when you are impatient, intolerant or indifferent to others. By embracing forgiveness, you can also embrace peace, hope, gratitude and joy. Consider how forgiveness can lead you down the path of physical, emotional and spiritual well-being. Remember that the Law of Attraction or laws of Karma, works in that what we do or allow to happen to others, all comes back to us (in abundance). We have not to worry about this part, allow the natural course of action which God has structured into the Universe, to naturally run its course.

3. Rejection

We put our guard up, a defence mechanism against getting hurt all over again. Perhaps a new friendship or partner comes into our lives, yet we cannot find the strength to get close to them because of the way we were hurt in the past. Or perhaps we are so afraid of going through the same problems all over again that caused us hurt before. This is a very difficult thing to deal with, because the world is full of people out there with no regard for others. Myself, family and friends continue to get hurt often by thinking the next person will be different, but this is not so in many cases. A friend told me the other day, we should not let those who hurt us stop the ones that won’t, to come into our lives. He was so correct and inspiring by saying this. Fortunately, not all people are the same, and we should not let the ones that caused us harm get in the way of those who mean us well and are truly there for us. Let go of the ones that cause you drama, or aren’t really there for you. Life is too precious to waste on those that are self-serving or say they are there for you but aren’t. There are plenty of true friends and people out there who will not reject you, so focus on these one and forget about the rest. No need to worry about or overthink the situation, they will get what they deserve when it comes to their fate and the Karma which comes back. All we have to do is concentrate on ourselves (our own peace and happiness) and those who are truly there.

Although forgiveness can be very difficult, it is necessary. You need to set yourself free. There is a favourite quote of mine from author Lewis B. Smedes: “To forgive is to set a prisoner free and realize that prisoner was you.” So, how we do this? Certain clashes you have with others are inevitable. No two people are the same, and at some point there will be a difference of some sort. These things are unavoidable, especially when it comes to miscommunication, people letting you down, or any other small human error. These things are petty in the grand scheme of things, and could easily be forgiven. We are all human and make mistakes or take each other in the wrong way from time to time. Miscommunication is one of the biggest culprits, but never a reason to break up a relationship / friendship because of it. Such is life, as they say, and we all need to learn to own up for our own misgivings where due.

We are not perfect. We must forgive ourselves too. We did what we could at the time to the best of our knowledge what was right. We may have spoken some truth or made a decision that others did not like, but standing up for oneself and speaking out is not wrong. Learn to forgive and let go, in order to set yourself free from those burdens which hold us back. Be free to live your life without any care for the past and move on in the confidence that you don’t need to revisit any old thoughts, hurts or previous toxic relationships that kept you back in your life. Remember to live in the now, to make the most of your life and stay in your happy space all the coming days ahead.

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Remember this: Forgiveness is never about the other person, but yourself. It is about how we have let go of the hurt, how we no longer feel the effects of what happened to us, and how we have let it go and left it behind us in the past – where it belongs. Forgiving someone does not mean that you have to be friends with them again, it just means you have let everything go and not let the past experience and pain affect you anymore. When you can look back at an event or someone who caused you the pain without it affecting you (even when you are around that person) then you know that you have healed, you have forgiven, and you have moved on with your life. 

Let us strive to get to this point, for our own well-being and happiness. Be strong. Be uplifted and rise above the past. Let peace and love radiate from you, a light for all others to see.

Making Time for People and Priorities

The other day I was speaking with and encouraging a friend who has been going through a difficult patch of her life, when I came to realise that what we were talking about was this exact lesson I have learned in totality in this last year of my life. We were discussing the concept of time, the making use of the time you are given right now, and the fact that so much of it is wasted on the wrong things, activities and people. We need to have a balance, we agreed. As I have said in the past on many an occasion, time is not guaranteed to us and the ever-ticking clock of time stops for no-one.

For a while now, I have been focusing on what is truly important in my life. There are a few things that brought this on. For one; the constant reminders when speaking of my goals and dreams to friends, family, colleagues, etc. and realising I have not achieved a lot of them … yet! This along with the realisation as I approach my next birthday, and thinking how crazy it is that it is just around the corner again. It has been a busy year. However, this is not much of an excuse. I read something the other day by American Author H. Jackson Brown Jnr, where he speaks about this very thing in his book entitled, “Life's Little Instruction Book.” These are my favourite quotes, which have such relevance to this concept of time and life:

“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.”
“Don't say you don't have enough time. You have exactly the same number of hours per day that were given to Helen Keller, Pasteur, Michaelangelo, Mother Teresa, Leonardo da Vinci, Thomas Jefferson, and Albert Einstein.”
“The best preparation for tomorrow is doing your best today.”

This got me to seriously start thinking on many things – things I think we all ponder on at times:
• What am I spending my time excessively and unnecessarily on?
• Am I being wise with the amount of time I have and doing the things I love doing (and better be doing, working towards my goals and dreams)?
• What can I do to simplify my life and focus on that really matters?
• Am I wasting time by doing too much of something that does not have much value or procrastinating when I could be doing other, more meaningful stuff?
• Is there anything that I still let bother my mind and overthink that causes me stress, and wastes my time letting problems / worries / people / work cloud my mind when I could be focusing on positive things that keep and make me happy and motivated?
• Are there any people I am ‘running after’ who aren’t bothering to make an effort – in other words, always texting / calling / trying to make plans when I could be focusing my attention on those that really want to be there (instead of saying they want to or will be, but then don’t)?

There is always room for improvement here. I don’t think we can fully master it, but we can get pretty close. We are only human after all. In my own life, I have made tremendous progress with this way of positive thinking over the years. Sometimes though, I find myself slipping off the edge of this high road I have climbed up for so long, only to find a good friend that’s been walking next to me reach out their hand of encouragement and hope – and I am back, stronger than ever. This visit with my friend was one of those times. We sat there talking about the wrong things and people taking too much of our valuable time. And so, like the proverbial light bulb going on above my head, I remembered that I originally had learned this lesson many years ago and this was just another one of those moments reminding me of this!

From what I learned this far through my own experiences and the lives of those around me, is that it really is not worth wasting your precious time on anything which is not contributing to your life. If you do not start prioritising now, before you know it, so much time has passed (and wasted) where we could be doing the things we love and work towards our future. Similarly the same is true if there is anyone who doesn’t go to the effort to spend time on you as you are trying to invest in them. Perhaps you find you are chasing after them by contacting them all the time and there is no reciprocation, no reply or no effort at all. This is when it is time to say goodbye and focus on the ones that really want to be part of your life and keep in contact. This is why, on almost all occasions, I withdraw myself and go silent for those type of people. People say a lot, which is why I watch what they do, and it will show if a person’s intentions are true because the two will match up. Why should any one of us always make all the effort, when it takes a mere several seconds to send a simple text if you cannot call or spend time with them. There is something that is called self-respect and loving oneself enough not to allow yourself fall into this trap. It is too easy, especially for us that care too much about those around us. We need to keep reminding ourselves of our worth and knowing that every type of relationship requires effort from both sides – no matter who you are. Don’t give up your time for the wrong people!

Tomorrow is not certain and it we should be using our time wisely and usefully. In the end, there is only so much of it! I have become very aware of my mortality over the years, especially after being in a few motor accidents, as well as having had a few friends and family pass away too soon. Once the time has passed, our window of opportunity closes where we had an opportunity to do something, go places, experience an adventure, spend time with someone important (especially family), or even to be with someone you want to share your life with. Once this moment or period has passed, it has passed! There is nothing you can do to go back. Make the most of whatever opportunity presents itself to you. Cut out anything or anyone that is wasting your time, effort, and affections. Don’t waste any more time. The time is right now, it is all we ever have. Dare to live, dare to experience life, and dare to make this your best life possible.

Be Adventurous!

Upon the work desk, my phone buzzed – a notification – it was my best friend who sent me a voice note. As I listened intently, I could hear the excitement in her voice: “My friend, you are the proud winner of a weekend away to Splashy Fen, a whole four days with me!” After a few seconds of the mind-numbing news, the realisation hit me and excitement filled my being. This music and arts festival is one I have wanted to go to for many years and is held every year over the long Easter weekend. Since I was younger, a lot of my friends had had the opportunity of experiencing it. Now it was our time. Finally. I had not ever won anything in my entire life, yet here was my friend making that a reality too by inviting me along after winning two tickets to go. This was to be a time I will never forget. “We’re going on an adventure!” I exclaimed back enthusiastically in a reply voice note, in true Bilbo Baggins style (if you have read the book or seen the film ‘The Hobbit’ by J.R.R. Tolkien, one of my favourites, you will understand the comparison). Our very own adventure, another of many which we enjoy so much together.

The days and weeks passed, rather slowly at times, as is the norm for anticipated events. But the day finally arrived, after much planning, discussing – and waiting. We were ready to go! Road trips are always a favourite of mine, travelling to different places you do not normally go and all the sights and smells to behold. The fresh air especially, when going into the countryside, is the best. Stopping along the way at another good friend of ours, we visited to say hello, and got spoiled with a delicious healthy smoothie but then were back on the road. The road was easy but fun, and our destination: Underberg. Set in the lower foothills of the Drakensberg, beautiful route, stunning venue and countryside where we found ourselves. Four days of camping, watching live concerts and acoustic performances, as well as arts and craft stalls to see, yoga sessions in the mornings to wake up and start your day the healthy way. Especially for those who had just a little bit too much to drink the night before. There were many of those. Some nursing hangovers or sleeping in from a late night the night before. Not us though, we were there to enjoy our time to the fullest. Let us not forget too, most importantly, time together and with the friends we ran into whilst there. Happy days!

Through this adventure I was reminded how vital and healthy it is to experience life in this way. It is so necessary to grab hold of opportunities and experiences that come our way, because these fill our being with joy and fulfillment. After all, we only have so much time to do them, or do all the things we love. As I have spoken of in the past, we never know when our time is up – so make it count. Go to lunch with your friends, call or text that friend you have not spoken to in a while, choose to take that road trip to your favourite beach out of town, get away from home and take a trip somewhere for a weekend, do spur of the moment things, step out of your comfort zone - even if just a little bit. The opportunities are endless. Similarly we could also decide the opposite. Perhaps today is the day we are staying in (instead of getting out as usual), and end up staying in bed (alone, with our partner, or with friends, and watch movies all day (especially during rainy weather, my favourite type). Whatever the case is, take the opportunity that is presented to you. Be adventurous! Explore, experience, enjoy! You won’t be sorry you did. You never know if the opportunity will present itself again.

Healthy Body = Healthy Mind = Healthy Spirit

For almost a year and a half now, I have made the decision to make a point of focusing on my health – by eating the right foods, doing what I can to improve my health, take whatever supplements I require to stay healthy, get the right amount of daily nutrients, drink enough water, get enough rest, and make sure I keep exercising and doing yoga like I had been so diligent to do in the past. I can’t say that I have been exactly strict with myself on the exercise part but have found over the past couple of months that my time for yoga has improved, yay me!

However it is still not good enough as this had all been a daily routine for me before and, especially lately, has been less frequent. Regular exercise of any form is so important to add to healthy eating and lifestyle choices, and so I press on to overcome this sinister spirit of procrastination and distractions that stop me from doing what I love and need. Just like these same things have been keeping me from pushing forward with my writing recently. But this is going to be no more, I will prevail! This is one of my latest lessons I am currently going through in my life and so I will keep pushing on through it. So, what is the point of this? Well, through my experiences on this road to a healthier me, I realised a very important lesson in all of this which we should all heed. Taking care of yourself is so very essential, and not just because it is the only body you have. That is unless someone miraculously discovers the fountain of youth anytime soon, or science invents something to reverse the ageing affects, or even transfer our consciousness into another body (perhaps I have been watching too many sci-fi movies lately!).

Until then however, we need to be cautious with the way we live. When we provide into our diet all the nutrients that we need, our minds and so, our emotions and mental state, also are affected and improved. When this takes place our spiritual selves are happier and feel more alive because our minds (and bodies) are functioning properly and are in a good, healthy state. So, the same thing will apply to eating too much 'junk' food, consuming any foods or drinks with preservatives, taking too much prescription medicines, and so forth. Now, I am just speaking in general here about what I have learnt, with some people it will be different depending on whether they are suffering with some or other health issue. A lot of us have something we are battling unfortunately. We need to keep in mind though, that we have to guard ourselves and our health for our overall well-being. 

But we can do whatever we can, to the best of our abilities. If we are doing our best, we should not feel guilty or bad about ourselves. We are not robots, and are human after all! I have found that we need to have a healthy balance of all aspects of our lives; which promote a healthy body, mind and spirit. Too much of anything can be bad for you, and this applies to everything. Get enough sleep if you can manage it, don’t overwork yourself, spend time with your families and friends, spend and live wisely, don’t procrastinate and do what you can – when you can, drink enough water, eat healthy but treat yourself too once in a while at least. Do what you love, laugh, sing, dance, or whatever makes your heart and soul glad. We only live once. They say if you do it right, once is enough. And that is an encouraging thought!

Your body is sacred and a wonderful gift, look after it. By keeping your body as healthy as you can, you honour that and this leads to a whole chain of health benefits. Many physical ailments are linked to our diet, such as migraines/headaches, skin problems, indigestion, blood pressure, gout, and so on. This is where the analogy comes in that your body is a like a temple and we should treat it as such. Well, what does this actually mean? The way one would treat a sacred place such a temple, would be that of respect, care, appreciation, and even love. Do you understand now the relevance? Added to this, think of what it means when you enter into such a sacred place: a heightened sense of reverence and awareness comes over you, the honour and consideration we feel to that particular place. This attitude applies to us too. Once we become aware of what our body needs and become conscious on the choices we make in looking after ourselves, we will start living healthier, leading to a happier and balanced life in general.

Let us all be more mindful of this as we go through each day, remembering to live in the moment, but not in neglect of ourselves. We are just as important. It is up to you, and you alone. Love yourself!
 

7 Steps to Attaining True Happiness

So the last few months have been a busy time. Busy with life, and busy learning so much through all of the ups and downs I have encountered on the way. This year started out alike to how last year ended, full of troubles, sadness and obstacles on my path. But I resisted. Learning from previous experiences I have been through, I chose not to give in and let these issues get the better of me. Every time keeping focus on all the positives in my life, the truly important people still remaining in my life after some had left, and focused all my attention on the things that needed my attention. The months that ensued these negative events in my life were a little turbulent at first but as I kept my focus and positivity; I overcame it all, learnt a great deal, and found myself happy regardless. It has been difficult, I won’t lie. Today I can say I am truly happy with my life and all that I am blessed with: a permanent job finally after working hard towards this for so long, a beautiful home overlooking my town including a sea view, my own reliable transport, amazing friends and family, my good health, food at all times, clothing and warmth, running water and all the other comforts of home (to name but only a few).

How did I get to this point in my life, and how is it that I could stay so positive in the face of such adversity and carry on through it all? Friends, family, colleagues and acquaintances I have met along the way have asked me this. Perhaps it is time to share my successes I have achieved regarding this in more detail, in the hope that you too can apply these practices and lessons too and achieve success in this. Believe me, the road of life is never all a dark, cold, menacing and frightful road. It is made up of many ups, downs, flat roads, straight or windy paths, dark valleys and high mountaintops too. We just have to make the most of every step of the way of this magnificent life that we are blessed with, for everything happens for a reason and each stage is to teach you something, helping build and grow your character.

We should be living right now, in the present, today. The rest is untouchable, and no amount of stressing, worrying or over-thinking the past, future, and even today with all its trials and tribulations – will ever fix any of that. It robs today of its joy, steals your happiness and peace. This should not be so, for this moment shall never again come to pass. But how do we get to this place of harmony and sound thinking, I hear you ask. Well, there are numerous ways to achieve this, and all by the power of reconditioning our minds and our way of thinking. Everything starts with our attitudes. These affect our thoughts and way of thinking, which in turn determine our actions, which then affects our lives and ultimately, our future. Let’s look at the some various things we can start doing to get to this place of peace and having more of a sound, strong mind…

1. Focus on your blessings – not the negative, depressing troubles weighing you down
There are plenty of troubles and pains in this world and throughout your life, but what a lot of people do not realise is that there are far more blessings and positives to count than the negatives. Even when it may seem there is more bad points in your life to count than good, if you look closely, you will find so many blessings to be thankful for. By having an attitude of gratitude, we shift our focus from what is going wrong in our lives over to all the things going right. By doing this, you stop worrying so much over the bad and letting it have so much control in your life. Your thoughts, energy and time that was once spent over stressing and being depressed over the bad, becomes free. This freedom allows you to get focused on the people and things that matter and are still in your life. It ultimately helps you in not missing all that is right and good in your life, which is happening right now. These are things that deserve your time and energy. Forget about the rest.

2. Stop comparing yourself to others and learn to love yourself
You are unique, one of a kind. Beautifully created in every way, inside and out. Comparing yourself to someone else proves useless, one cannot compare two things of equal worth even though different but has equal usefulness and value. No-one is the same as another and this includes our distinctive array of talents and gifts. If you feel you are not gifted with anything useful then you still have a lot of work on yourself to do, including discovering more on learning who you are and what you are capable of. No person can ever be you or fill your place, nor can you do this for anyone else. You have been created to be you, so be just that and shine your own light for everyone else to see. It really does not matter what other people think of you, their opinions are not necessarily the truth and a totally biased viewpoint from how they see you or think about you. The only thing that matters is how you see yourself. There are many negative thoughts and questions we keep asking ourselves when comparing ourselves and lives, often caused by the importance we place on what others’ think of us. Things such as: why am I still alone and single, am I not good enough for my friends / family / partner, I am not as talented or gifted as he/she is, why can’t I be more beautiful or desirable, if only I could be as well-off as he/she, etc. There are an endless array of these, these are but a few. We should be shifting our emphasis off other people and comparing, back onto ourselves and focus on working on us. After all, we are the only ones accountable for our own soul, mind and heart – nobody else. When it comes to relationships of any kind, it is far worse to be trapped in one that is so wrong for you than to be without that person at all. Remember this! Your well-being of your heart, mind and soul is far more important. When you accept yourself, and this means totally – including your flaws and weaknesses – you will find yourself one step closer to self-acceptance, forgiving yourself for your own mistakes because you are only human and mess up from time to time like we all do. Finally you will be able to love yourself for the beautiful, amazing being you are created to be.

3. Find ways to put the past in the past, and keep them there
The past can often come back to haunt us, and this comprises of times where we have thought we have dealt with something and left it in the past but something happens to remind us of these hurtful or upsetting times. The truth of the matter is this: if we still get upset, are uncomfortable speaking of and cry over things that happened in the past, we have not yet gotten over them and still allow those occasions to affect us. In the events that involve people, it also means we have not forgiven them and harbour a grudge or resentment towards them. Once you reach a point where you can talk about something and not be upset over it, you have left it in the past once and for all. It then finally loses its power over your emotions, mind and life. Remember, forgiveness is essential in moving on and this means leaving it behind you completely. Forgiveness has nothing to do with the other person but has everything to do about you – you do this mostly for yourself and your own peace of mind. Whether you forgive someone or not, it doesn’t affect them in any way. You can hold a grudge as long as you live yet the other person can live a fulfilled happy life while you continue to suffer with constant thoughts on circumstances and individuals which you allow to continually hurt yourself. In the end, you basically end up hurting yourself by harbouring unforgiveness in your heart. We are all human and are flawed, just remember to learn to forgive yourself too and make peace with everything and everyone wherever you can.

4. Learn from what happened and apply it to your life now, for future experiences
No one likes to go through bad patches in our lives but I have learned we always have a choice: we can either let it affect us by having power and control over us, or we can decide to turn things around and use it for our own benefit. We can do this by using everything (yes everything – there is always a lesson to be learnt) to learn from, grow, strengthen, gain wisdom and insight that we can grasp from each situation. Every time you choose to learn from and get over a calamity in your life, you win! The way life works too, is that we sometimes go through the same lesson over and over again, until we learn what we need to from it. I never saw this in the past when I heard it from a friend, but it has proven so true in my life. Especially over the last two years when I could finally see it happening after I started examining my life and each hurdle I came to after that, and started making some changes in my attitudes towards these trials and adjusted my way of thinking. If you are battling to put something behind you, make sure you find a way how to and remember to look for the lesson to be learnt so that the next time you can avoid going through a similar experience, standing strong in the face of it.

5. Don’t worry over things you have no control over
I have spoken of this in a previous blog, on how my mum taught me this very valuable lesson. If there is nothing you can do about something your mind is occupied about, or if it is something that happened in the past, or even something that is yet to come – do not worry about it, there is no point! What amount of worrying, stressing, being anxious, or over-thinking (especially this, which can create a whole lot of new paranoid thoughts and feelings); can ever change that situation you are fretting over? Answer is absolutely nothing, it does not change a thing! So let it go, put it behind you and concentrate on what you can do now. If there isn’t anything you can do now, then there is no reason to worry and you are letting your mind and heart be robbed of its happiness and peace. You are also being robbed of your time doing so, which you will never get back again. Do not let this happen. Every moment in your day you have a chance to be happy about something, make each moment count. I feel that maybe we place too much importance and focus on the obstacles on the way, forgetting that these make us stronger to endure the rest of the journey and so help us become stronger to face any bigger obstacles that may come up in future. Too much focus is also placed on the past and all that happened before this, or what is yet to come including the worry and anxiety of what shall we do when this or that happens. Not past nor future occurrence is touchable, tangible and accessible. Do not burden your mind with these times.

6. Don’t worry about the opinions, actions and words of others
There is an old saying, “What others think of you is none of your business”. I heard this long ago but have only just recently in the last few years finally seized this knowledge and applied it to my life. We are all equal, none of us having dominion or any sort of authority over another as a human being. That includes making us feel any less of ourselves than what we are, we are all special and unique in our own right and no one should be allowed to make us feel any less than beautiful, amazing and good about ourselves. Nor should any have the power to decide what another person should be doing in their lives and how they choose to do it. If we want to do something because we love doing it, then no one else should tell us we cannot do it, or judge us for doing it (especially if they themselves are doing the same). By allowing yourself to listen to others opinions and nasty or judgemental remarks, you give that person power over you – to create misery, depression, oppression, hurt and frustration caused in your being and life. Don’t let this occur, take back control over your own life. Even if these people are those you care about, it does not matter! What matters is those that remain by your side and are on the same mission as you. The ones inspiring you, looking out for you and caring for you. Focus on these people and leave the rest behind. As hard as it is, we need to take care of ourselves too.

7. Focus on yourself, and what makes YOU happy
The best way to make yourself happy is to do what you love and by concentrating on your joys in life. This is turn creates happiness and satisfaction while you do these things – so in turn bringing about a cheerful environment, light aura and enjoyable mood about you. The more you do these activities, the happier you will find yourself, but we have to do this on a regular basis. I have learnt this in the recent months through the stresses and busy times of everyday life, that I too have been neglecting myself and my passions. I discovered that also by not allowing ourselves time like this for us, we neglect your own soul, mind and heart – we can easily fall into the trap of letting outside influences affect our life and joy. It is also found that setting some of your time on your loves in life, is a way of occupying the mind; getting it focused off the stresses, pains and frustrations of everyday life; and at the same time bringing your soul the rest, recreation and relaxation it needs. When it comes to self-love and self-acceptance, you have to realise that you deserve happiness, joy, peace and love. You deserve to do what you love doing, because that’s what YOU are all about. It is not about someone else. So look at focusing on those and do them today. It is so worth it, and so are you!

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Every moment you live is an opportunity for you to be happy. You know how sometimes it seems that life is just throwing you one curved ball after another? Well, guess what, you have a great way to respond! You can use every opportunity, every single one, to be happy. Enjoy your life. Don't just take a shower – feel and receive pleasure from the water on your skin, feel it washing away all the negativity and worries on your mind. Don't just take a walk – enjoy the sights and sounds all around you, the fragrances of the trees and the flowers. Don’t just eat and drink – take time to taste and enjoy eat bite or sip to the fullest. Don't just drive your car – sing to your favourite songs. Do everything with this approach and you will find yourself enjoying each moment of the day. Do not waste a single moment to find reasons to be happy, there are so many of them!