What Makes or Breaks Relationships, Part 2 - Communication

Last time we started looking at the five most important aspects we need in our relationships which make them successful and keep them strong. After a past busy couple of weeks, I am proud to bring you the second installment of this series, so sit back with a cup of coffee, tea, your favourite beverage (or a glass of wine!) and enjoy the read...

Building, maintaining and keeping relationships strong, is pretty much like building a house. First you need a strong foundation, four pillars/cornerstones, four walls and a roof to make it complete. We have begun with one of the four pillars last time ('Honesty'). Next, the other three pillars ('Communication', 'Trust/Respect', 'Intimacy and Affection') and lastly we will go into 'Love', being our most important feature and most-needed for a strong foundation.

As mentioned last time, we will be exploring deeper into this subject afterward, first by looking at the 4 walls which hold the foundations of our relationship together ('Commitment/Loyalty', 'Friendship', 'Freedom', 'Patience'); and finally ending off with the metaphorical roof of this house ('Compromise & Understanding').

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Communication

This is a very significant feature we all need to remember to keep going with each another. By being quiet about something that is weighing on your heart or troubling your mind (be it either in fear of how the other person will respond, to keep the peace so to avoid an argument, or because you are ashamed/embarrassed about a specific something), it can be very dangerous and detrimental to the bond you share. Like a festering sore, whatever is unresolved or not made known between both of you will get greater as time goes on, until the problem becomes full-blown and out of control or enormously challenging to patch-up. And sometimes it could never be the same again.

Communicating is best done in person, from what I have learned in my own life. I have often heard advice about writing a letter to someone you love or care about, if you battle to express yourself and explain how you feel. Truth be told, this may very well be a brilliant idea but the problem lies in how the other person takes what you are saying and translates it in their own tone, which is based on what their current condition of where their heart and mind are. If that person is in a bad place, or the wrong mood, this could end up disastrous. In my own experience, I have had far too many misunderstandings with my own loved ones because of this very fact! But once speaking in person, literally every time, the matter was resolved because they (or I) have received the communication in the correct way. So hearing it from your own voice, would be the best approach - even if this means you have to read what you have written. Same goes for emailing, texting, and social media (unless of course you made a voice or video recording that is, it all just depends). :)

One important fact we all need to keep in mind, is regarding involving others in your relationship issues instead of your partner/friend/family member/etc. This breeds even more problems than what there are originally. So in fact, a small matter may grow to be a much larger one, all because we did not keep to resolving with the person involved first. Not to mention you will have dragged other people into the biased views of your side of the matter at hand, and thus causing unnecessary stress for all involved. Yes, there may be times where you think to see things clearly and know what is right and wrong. However, there will almost always be something said or done on your part that also contributed to the miscommunication and argument, so always try and see both sides and keep communicating! The only time we should be bringing other people into it, is if you’re getting counselling together because you both want healing to begin and need the aid of someone else as last resort.

Find the fault together, talk it through, forgive and move on with a clear solution to assist each other for the next time something similar may occur. And always keep in mind, honesty and communication go hand in hand. Always make sure you are moving forward – not backwards and not standing still. We are to grow together, not grow apart.

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Remember that in a relationship of any kind, if you truly care about the other person; there should be no secrets, no lies and no broken promises. There will be commitment - to each other, to brighten each others' lives, and to support each other in everything. This fact is based not only on honesty (which is what we discussed last time), but also in that we need to always be communicating with each other and thereby building up a strong bond of trust, which then in turn earns respect and brings us closer together (intimacy, affection and love). So in all of these aspects in building good relationships, each of these things depends on all the others for it to stand strong - just the same way the foundation, walls, pillars and roof of a house all support each other to stand strong and weather the storms in life.

So lets be true, communicate, open our hearts and be open to those we are blessed with. You never know when they will be taken away from you and you will never have that chance again.