What Makes or Breaks Relationships, Part 4 - Intimacy and Affection

This week which has passed has marked a one year anniversary of my blog. So much has happened, but yet I still ponder on where has the year gone? Just another example of what I always say: to take advantage of today while you can. Appreciate, value and love those you care about, before it is too late. You may, such as now, wipe your eyes and see the year has gone with no sense of time as if stepping through a time warp months into the future.

But, ask yourself something: what are you doing to improve your relationships with those you love, and are you making the days count? If not, what can you do to make things better between yourself and the beautiful souls you have been blessed with in your life right now? Are you making the most of them and spending as much time as you possibly can? Be careful if you have been neglecting or taking too much time focusing on the wrong things, wrong people and perhaps been a little too selfish with your time. In a second, they could be taken away from you - so make every moment of precious value.

Let us look at the next important aspect to nurture in our relationships, which we all need to give and receive - a generous measure of intimacy and affection to those around us. We are all human, and this is one very beneficial, vital and essential ingredient to healthy living for our souls and hearts...

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Intimacy and Affection

Contrary to what some believe, intimacy and affection is always crucial in a relationship (barring professional ones, in which case, this point is null and void... obviously). This should always be present in the beginning, for the duration, and right until the end of a relationship. The fire of passion for romantic relationships and the strong bonds of friendship should never wilt or even cease to exist. If there is lacking, then there is something seriously wrong, as my partner had wisely pointed out many times whilst observing romantic relationships. Also, it could signal something far more dangerous such as guilt on something that has happened unawares, some other underlying problem, interest in someone else, or even cheating - depending on the type of relationship. 

Be aware too, of being distant and be careful of the tone you use and manner in which you speak to those in your life you care for. Too easily we could let abrupt words slip by accident, thereby hurting and damaging someone's heart. Protect and watch out for each other at all times, while having the humility and decency to show you truly care by apologising and admitting to your own fault should the chance come by that you hurt someone unintentionally. I say unintentionally here, because normally this is the case. No normal person goes around hurting, neglecting and damaging the hearts of those they love. And if you do, something is very wrong, self evaluation urgently needed and necessary steps taken to rectify the situation. 

It is also awesome to have your own space, to have time to yourself. However, always keep in mind that you are in fact “building a relationship” with the other person (no matter whether it be family, friends, romantic, etc), so too much of this can also lead to problems down the line, doubts and fears to surface so find a good balance between the two. Lack of romance or romantic laziness as is also called, is also not an option in any romantic relationship - every single relation you have with those around you requires a measure of work and effort. Remember the analogy I used last time of it being a one-way street traveled by both people in the same direction supporting each other? When romance/intimacy/affection dies off, and you have to struggle and fight for it, then the relationship clearly needs reparation. Without these crucial elements, your relationship withers and dies. Keep in mind you should be nourishing the bonds with these people, building them up, getting to know them and contribute to their happiness by your care and support. Just as the body needs food and drink to survive and be sustained, so our souls, heart and minds need intimacy and affection for the same. 

Through the years, many psychologists, psychiatrists, doctors and scientists have conducted experiments to show what impact affection has upon living things. Tests such as these have included animals, plants and even people. I have recently read about one such psychologist named Harry Harlow, as well as behaviorist John B. Watson who conducted such tests on humans. While many experts at the time denied the importance of love and affection, Harlow’s experiments offered irrefutable proof that love is vital for normal human development. Additional experiments by Harlow revealed the long-term devastation caused by deprivation, leading to profound psychological and emotional distress and even death. Yet Harlow's enduring legacy reinforced the importance of emotional support, affection, and love in the development of all people. The results they found with animals as well as even plants, all proved the same. 

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Hoping that you all have been inspired and found some valuable insight from this series so far, as well as all my posts this year. Next week we will be looking at the final part of the first half of this series, and after Christmas I will continue with the second half and the last five parts. Until then, enjoy the time with your loved ones you have been blessed with, treasure and appreciate them with all your heart - for today is all we are ever guaranteed of!