What Makes or Breaks Relationships, Part 2 - Communication

Last time we started looking at the five most important aspects we need in our relationships which make them successful and keep them strong. After a past busy couple of weeks, I am proud to bring you the second installment of this series, so sit back with a cup of coffee, tea, your favourite beverage (or a glass of wine!) and enjoy the read...

Building, maintaining and keeping relationships strong, is pretty much like building a house. First you need a strong foundation, four pillars/cornerstones, four walls and a roof to make it complete. We have begun with one of the four pillars last time ('Honesty'). Next, the other three pillars ('Communication', 'Trust/Respect', 'Intimacy and Affection') and lastly we will go into 'Love', being our most important feature and most-needed for a strong foundation.

As mentioned last time, we will be exploring deeper into this subject afterward, first by looking at the 4 walls which hold the foundations of our relationship together ('Commitment/Loyalty', 'Friendship', 'Freedom', 'Patience'); and finally ending off with the metaphorical roof of this house ('Compromise & Understanding').

          ::          

Communication

This is a very significant feature we all need to remember to keep going with each another. By being quiet about something that is weighing on your heart or troubling your mind (be it either in fear of how the other person will respond, to keep the peace so to avoid an argument, or because you are ashamed/embarrassed about a specific something), it can be very dangerous and detrimental to the bond you share. Like a festering sore, whatever is unresolved or not made known between both of you will get greater as time goes on, until the problem becomes full-blown and out of control or enormously challenging to patch-up. And sometimes it could never be the same again.

Communicating is best done in person, from what I have learned in my own life. I have often heard advice about writing a letter to someone you love or care about, if you battle to express yourself and explain how you feel. Truth be told, this may very well be a brilliant idea but the problem lies in how the other person takes what you are saying and translates it in their own tone, which is based on what their current condition of where their heart and mind are. If that person is in a bad place, or the wrong mood, this could end up disastrous. In my own experience, I have had far too many misunderstandings with my own loved ones because of this very fact! But once speaking in person, literally every time, the matter was resolved because they (or I) have received the communication in the correct way. So hearing it from your own voice, would be the best approach - even if this means you have to read what you have written. Same goes for emailing, texting, and social media (unless of course you made a voice or video recording that is, it all just depends). :)

One important fact we all need to keep in mind, is regarding involving others in your relationship issues instead of your partner/friend/family member/etc. This breeds even more problems than what there are originally. So in fact, a small matter may grow to be a much larger one, all because we did not keep to resolving with the person involved first. Not to mention you will have dragged other people into the biased views of your side of the matter at hand, and thus causing unnecessary stress for all involved. Yes, there may be times where you think to see things clearly and know what is right and wrong. However, there will almost always be something said or done on your part that also contributed to the miscommunication and argument, so always try and see both sides and keep communicating! The only time we should be bringing other people into it, is if you’re getting counselling together because you both want healing to begin and need the aid of someone else as last resort.

Find the fault together, talk it through, forgive and move on with a clear solution to assist each other for the next time something similar may occur. And always keep in mind, honesty and communication go hand in hand. Always make sure you are moving forward – not backwards and not standing still. We are to grow together, not grow apart.

          ::          

Remember that in a relationship of any kind, if you truly care about the other person; there should be no secrets, no lies and no broken promises. There will be commitment - to each other, to brighten each others' lives, and to support each other in everything. This fact is based not only on honesty (which is what we discussed last time), but also in that we need to always be communicating with each other and thereby building up a strong bond of trust, which then in turn earns respect and brings us closer together (intimacy, affection and love). So in all of these aspects in building good relationships, each of these things depends on all the others for it to stand strong - just the same way the foundation, walls, pillars and roof of a house all support each other to stand strong and weather the storms in life.

So lets be true, communicate, open our hearts and be open to those we are blessed with. You never know when they will be taken away from you and you will never have that chance again.

What Makes or Breaks Relationships, Part 1 - Honesty

Throughout my life, my time as a counselor and leader in the church, all the long term relationships and friendships I have experienced, the books I have read as well as the lessons learnt from my close friends’ and family’s lives – I have gained a vast quantity of insight and knowledge of the important factors which we all need in our relationships to make them strong, keep them successful, and also keep them growing.

Since I started my blog (and even before, through these past two or so years) and after a good deal of thought, reflection, a great amount of research, reading up on these type of topics delved into by psychologists, experts, authors, inspirational writers and even fellow bloggers; I thought it apt to finally be able to share these wisdoms with you today. I am hoping these points could positively assist, inspire and even turn things around for you in your life. Perhaps they could even help you see things in a different perspective.

There is a large amount of material I have been working on, and after writing down a lot of what I have learnt and researched, I have decided to split this post up into separate parts, to make the info more mentally digestible. We will first be exploring five significant aspects which uphold relationships and the factors which break them down. Today, we will be looking at the first of these:

          ::          

Honesty

I cannot stress this enough, and anyone who knows me, knows how highly I value this aspect. Always (always!) be honest to those you care about. We may at times feel ashamed, guilty or embarrassed about something that we have not revealed yet to someone we care about. Yet instead of allowing any kind of untruth emerge causing immense injury to our loved ones and their trust, it is far more effective to be honest and go through the steps of forgiveness and resolving the matter than it is to regain trust and repair the damage caused. Let us not even begin to consider the amount of hurt, pain and suffering dishonesty causes others. This includes all kinds: lies, deceit, cheating, backstabbing/gossiping, lies, ‘white lies’ etc.

Dishonesty causes a rift in the relationship caused by a cycle of shame, embarrassment, guilt and the like – all the while pushing the other person further away causing more complications. However, truth and reconciliation (or effort and attempting to do so), will ultimately draw both people closer together as we admit to being wrong but wanting to repair what’s been done and hopefully close up the rift before it gets to wide and too big to bridge the gap. After many times going through this myself, including the last time in the beginning of this year when I lost a best friend of mine due to me being lied to and deceived, I can definitely confirm this for a fact. It only took a couple of days to transpire, but that was more than enough to damage our close and special bond for life.

There are two old quotes which I have heard a long time ago that have stuck with me: “Trust takes years to build, seconds to break and forever to repair.” The other is similar: “Trust is like a broken glass. You can never put it back together, and even if you do, there will still be cracks. Things will never be the same again.” Keep in mind also, the old English Proverb “honesty is the best policy” is the best approach and mind-set that you can have. The writer was so correct in saying this because an honest and true quality is always highly regarded and more appreciated above any form of a lie. Think about that for a minute, and consider it next time you are faced with this decision in your life.

 

          ::          

In the next few weeks, we will be looking at the next important value we should be cultivating in our relationships. Following this, I will be going deeper into the topic of relationships, and delving more into five more valuable aspects we need to nurture in our lives. Until then, I wish you well and may you all be blessed in the relationships you hold dear in your lives. Keep strong, keep positive and keep on working at things. You never know when a slight shift in your mind-set or attitude change may tip the scales in your favour.

Love, happiness and blessing be yours in all the connections you share with your loved ones. Have a beautiful week!

Using, Growing and Sharing your Gifts

Each of us are different and special in our own way. Even if you think you do not have anything to offer – you in fact do. We all have our own distinct talents and gifts unique to each person. It is up to us to develop, use and share them amongst those in our lives. If you are unsure what you are gifted in, decide today to make a conscious effort to find out. Similarly, we should also be using what has been given to us, before it is too late to get the chance to. There is a saying that one of my best friends has: “Use what Mother Nature has given you before Father Time takes it away.” A wise saying indeed. But what does this teach us? If anything, there are two things that stand out for me.

1.       Time waits for no-one

We are never guaranteed on the time we have left in this life. Should we not utilise our gifts and talents, one day it may be too late when our life in this world comes to a close. Then it would have all been for nothing and your abilities wasted. You never know, the helping hand lent to a friend or stranger could mean anything to them: be it someone finding the courage to face another day, or being put on the path to their destiny by providing whatever they need, or inspiring our fellow man by encouraging those to do the same and make a difference in other people’s lives (especially when this has to do with helping those in need). There is so much we can do. Also, once a moment has passed in which you can help someone, you may never have another again.

2.       Nurturing or neglecting?

Secondly, and I had this discussion with a friend not so long ago; we need to keep on nurturing, strengthening, developing (not just maintaining) and improving all we know and are talented with. Just as the dancer needs to keep practising to make sure they are on top of their game, or the teacher educating themselves what they need to in order to teach their students effectively – so we need to do the same with whatever we have. Don’t be surprised if your passions in life don’t improve, or go nowhere. We need to keep feeding and growing in these areas, just the same as we need food to grow and live. Our whole being needs nourishment of all sorts to keep on going, and keep on growing, Make sure you are not neglecting yourself in any area.

Yes I know what some of you are thinking, specifically those who know me, I should have in fact been following my own advice! I have been reminded of this fact several times in the past few months that my passion for writing, needs attention at least on a more regular basis. Now that all the stresses and issues have been sorted out in my life; the job search and interviews done and dusted (a tedious as well as time-consuming task I must add), financial dramas over, relationship crises concluded a while ago, been there for friends through whatever has come our way. All major distractions and stress have passed for now, thankfully. I am now more focused than ever before, I am wiser and stronger. It is time to remain focusing on my gifts no matter what, as do I hope that you will focus on yours as well.

Letting anything come in the way of our dreams and goals, only damages our own lives, but sometimes this can’t be helped. We just need to keep on making sure we pick ourselves up, dust off and keep moving forward. Standing still not going anywhere, stagnating or even procrastinating (gosh even I too am guilty of this), is not where we should be. Find ways to progress, even in the smallest way, and you will do well.

Through the Rainstorm

Through the past few months of struggle and strain, anxiety and aching in my heart; I continue to trudge through what’s left of the metaphorical rainstorm I found myself in. The sun has finally come out and the last few raindrops of residual stress are draining away. Through the retreating clouds, a beautiful rainbow of hope and happiness has appeared to me, and I realise the worst is over. Life is good regardless; if one takes the time to see the beauty in the rain, the rolling thunder, even the lightning and dreary days. Sure, it may be tough going through that storm, enduring it, and braving the face of danger and adversity that comes our way in life. However, there are always positives and days to enjoy the rain, despite our grumbles and groans on our circumstances at the time.

I have always loved this depiction of the difficult times we go through in life. Not long ago I had been inspiring a couple of friends to not give up, to keep on moving forward positively, and to look for the lessons we can learn through all our experiences in the storms of life (the good and the bad, especially the bad!). Yet I was unaware that my own storm was to begin rolling over the hills of my not-too-distant future. Encouraging my friends and sister to keep focused and happy was one thing, yet another when you yourself are suddenly going through the same things! It is tough to go through any kind of stress at work, relationships or sickness (be it your own or that of a loved one). Three of the greatest stresses in life, and we found ourselves right in the middle of all of them.

The beauty of a rainstorm is not only relishing in the washing away of all the dirt, muck and grittiness that surrounds us in our lives – yet it is in that cleansing and renewal that we need to place our focus. Everything in life happens for a reason, and we need sunny days as well as rainy ones. It is at times like these, that we need the unnecessary and destructive things washed away, including harsh and disparaging jobs, false and disloyal friends (or partners), overcoming health concerns… We must get our focus back on track and do away with anything that doesn't contribute to our happiness or add any kind of value to our lives. Change can be good – embrace it.

And once the roaring rain subsides, the clouds of despair scatter into nothingness, and the beautiful warmth of the sun emerge once more; your very own rainbow will appear for you to appreciate and adore. The end is near, just keep strong whilst marching on through it – with hope in your heart, and a smile on your face. Like everything in life, troubles and hardship are just temporary. Let’s all be thankful and grateful for this truth every day.

What The Person You Deserve Is Like

You deserve love and security, a combination that warms the core of your heart. You deserve knowledge that the person you are with wants to be there and, more importantly, won’t run away when times get tough. This is someone that will stay by your side, fight your fights right there with you because they know you would do the same for them.

You deserve someone who laughs at your jokes and smiles at the mere sight of you smiling. This smile will be genuine, not fake, and you will feel butterflies when you see it and your smile will grow until your cheeks can no longer take it.

You deserve someone who brings you coffee in the morning because they know the addiction is real. You deserve breakfast in bed, flowers “just because,” and hugs that feel like you are at home.

You deserve hands that only reach for you. They may be dry, cracked, calloused, perfectly manicured, or a complete mess, but they know you, your hands, and your body. They don’t reach away to know more.

You deserve someone who doesn't make you cry, at least on purpose, because you are human and you feel deeply and love passionately, and when one teardrop falls there may be a thousand more, but you are not alone. Even though they hurt you, they hold you until the shaking stops, wiping away your tears and kissing your damp cheeks although you whisper for them to stop. They will say sorry and you will feign being mad until you both give in to happiness again because you know anger is a state the two of you cannot remain in.

You deserve someone who takes responsibility for their mistakes and who apologizes for the times they unintentionally hurt you because you would do the same for them. You deserve someone who can forgive as you do, even if neither of you can completely forget.

You deserve someone whose touch feels like fireworks across your skin, whose eyes always look for yours when they enter a room, and whose heart never yearns for the attention of another.

You deserve trust that may waver but never entirely falter. It will look nothing like control. It will look like freedom but with your best friend by your side holding your hand. There will be moments of jealousy, but these will be outweighed by smiles, laughter, trust, and love.

You deserve back rubs for no reason, dinner you don’t have to make alone, a hand to hold, a heart to feel, and a person who cannot imagine life without you in it.

You deserve security just as much as you deserve spontaneity. You will be comfortable but not so settled down that stubborn roots no longer give you the nutrients you need to grow. This person you are with will try the things you enjoy and you will try the things they do as well. You will find new things to do and new places to go because you both love to share these sorts of moments together.

You deserve someone who pushes you to be better, to seek out the best opportunities for you even if the next step is terrifying for you both.

You deserve chocolate when you are cranky, a partner to indulge in your guilty television pleasures, and someone who tries to kiss you even though they just watched you puke up breakfast, lunch, and dinner. This is the person who laughs when you correct their grammar instead of getting mad, the one who knows they had better text you back, and the person who understands that you will not always have your “A game” out on display.

You deserve someone who wants to be better for you, someone who strives to be better for you, but, most importantly, you deserve someone who wants to be better for themselves. This is the type of person who will grow alongside of you and never dream of holding you back.

You deserve someone who is looking at the big picture in life, and that picture has you in it.

You deserve someone who continues looking forward, someone who doesn't stop constantly to look at the past. They may not like everything about who you were before, but they love who you have become. They know not to let your past trip them up for too long. You both came into the relationship with baggage that slowly unpacked itself and, even though it would be easy enough to pack up your things and go back to your respective homes, you both stay.

You deserve someone who loves you as much as you love them, a life that is so beautiful that you cannot tell if you are awake or still in bed dreaming, and someone who doesn't so much as put one foot out the door because they know you are not the person to walk away from. This will be the person who sticks around through thick and thin because they want to, not because they have to.

You deserve all of this and so much more, and you deserve it for a lifetime.

~ by Kyle Freelander

Keeping Our Hope in Love

The last month has been an incredibly difficult time for me. I found myself wrapped up in the stresses of life: moving to my new apartment, issues at the office, and being ill - but also hurt, rejection and betrayal from some people in my life which I thought would never happen. Yet through it all, I see the positive in all the craziness. I see the lessons to be learnt and gathered from all life's ups and downs. 

And so, I found myself losing hope in love. Not just romantic love, but even other types of love. Thank goodness the one type of love I will not fail to stop believing in, is that of the love God has for us. It is a love which never ceases, no matter what. And of course the love of my parents, which has demonstrated for me in my own life a kind of comprehension of how God loves us. In a few moments of despair, I found myself gripped and overwhelmed by the clutches of depression and anxiety. Through it all, I have learned some valuable lessons, to trust my instincts, who is always there for me, and who matters most in my life. 

So what do we do when we find ourselves losing hope? If life has taught me anything, it is that everything is temporary. Except for true love, which lasts forever, be it in whichever form. Yet in all of the troubles weighing upon my heart and mind, I found myself void of remembering this. But why does this happen I have been asking myself? 

Perhaps it is the apparent enormity of the issues one faces, the seemingly defeating stresses coming at us at each turn, or maybe the grief we feel at the loss of something or someone in our lives which brings our whole world crashing down all around us. Or so we think. It is easy to let these things overwhelm us and sink into a pit of despair, however it is easy for the person to say that things are not as bad as they seem when they are not in that valley of shadow. 

Something that has always gotten me through is remembering in a positive way that I have made it through so many other awful things, and that through every storm, there is always sunshine after the rain – and a beautiful rainbow! Never forget this, and keep pushing forward until you come out the other end in the warmth of happier, better days. You will make it, and you will be victorious! Things may get worse before they are better, but hang on; and do not lose hope. You are indeed stronger than you think.

I have realised I may not have a lot of good, true friends in my life; but if it weren’t for the many wonderful people I am so blessed with, I am sure my world would’ve been a darker place. The strength and love I have seen in these past dark days through these wonderful people have renewed my hope in love once again. Just because one finds yourself immensely hurt, betrayed or devastated by whatever circumstance befalls you – it may seem like all hope is lost, that you cannot love again, or that you will never trust once more – don't lose hope in love because Love will never give up on you. 

Reflection and Remembrance

The past few weeks have been eventful to say the least. I am back, finally and apologise for the silent, dormant pages that is my blog. Wow, I just cannot believe it has been 4 weeks since my last post. How they have flown. Busy days have come and gone – from my computer that crashed and needing to reload everything in its entirety, my scooter breaking down and trying to get it repaired, to sorting out a new one as a replacement, and then to organising my new apartment for my move end of the month. Big changes, but positive and exciting ones also. My week has also ended in sorrow, at the news of an old friend’s passing. How we should care for and pay attention those we are blessed with before it is too late!

Something profound also happened to me the past few weeks. In amongst all the hustle and bustle of daily life and all the happenings of the previous weeks, I realised that after my ordeal end of last year and the months of recovery thereafter; all the stress and strain I had been enduring had all been worked out for my good. Of course, I had gotten over it all initially, but the last few remnants of my broken heart had finally mended in the process. The busy schedule, combined with the many problems and issues I have been dealing with, all consumed my mind and helped me forget all that was. For those of you who do not know, I managed to escape from an abusive relationship that was doomed from the start. I look back now, and am amazed at how far I have come since those days, and how my life has changed for the better in every way, since I made a stand.

Now I look ahead to all that is to come. And I am excited, motivated, inspired. I am a lot stronger for going through what I did and now all the wiser. And so it is with many of life’s stumbling blocks, we need to turn them into stepping stones and move forward. The same way that time only moves forward, like an ever-flowing river, never ceasing for a second; so time ticks unbrokenly towards infinity. We cannot go back. Neither can we jump forward, we can only look down the river and its shores to what is ahead. Let us enjoy the present, wherever we are on our life’s journey. Let us also not forget our families and friends who need us by their side, before their journey ends. We cannot, no matter how much we worry over it, go back against the current of the river of time.

There is a quote I heard about a week or two ago, which has so much relevance to me now: “Time is like a river, you can never touch the same water twice because the flow that has gone by will never go by again. Enjoy your life today, because yesterday is gone and tomorrow may never come. Enjoy every moment of your life!”

We should learn from this, and remember it indeed.

The Greatest Valentine: Love for my Family & Friends

Valentine’s Day – a day numerous people all over the world utilise as a special day on which to spoil their loved ones, and show their love. However, we find more and more these days how the world around us has capitalised on this (as well as other holidays in the year). We sometimes seem to lose sight of the fact that we also don’t need one specific day to show our love and care to others, but in fact, every day should be like Valentine’s Day for those we hold most dear.

This year I had big plans for this Friday past. I planned on putting up this post too but am glad I was too busy and never got around to it; because really, as I have just said, is not necessary to express my feelings on just this one particular day and be clichéd in doing so! So, now that I look back on what was a rather eventful and rather ‘interesting’ evening, a few things have stood out for me.

My dear sister and I, made plans to do something together this year as we are both currently single. We went down to the beach to one of the bonfire parties they hold periodically in tribute of various festivals and special occasions. We were so keen. The beach is both of our favourite places to be, and under a full moon rising, even more so and magical a place we could not resist to be. This past week had brought about new stresses with it, things I learnt and experienced: being deceived again by someone I did not expect this from – and this after I was still getting over losing a best friend who did the same. Yet, I still had an aura of positivity wrapped around me, and nothing was going to destroy the evening I so looked forward to.

As I stepped onto the cool, soft sands of the moonlit beach, I could hear the sound of drums, music, laughter and merrymaking. The first voice which came to my ears was that of my sister, my best friend, my twin soul. Joy filled my heart and for a moment; I forgot about the doubts lingering in the dark corners of my mind. Here I was home. Here, amongst those who love me dearly. Nothing else mattered. Some friends of ours met us there, and in no time I found myself surrounded by some of the most awesome and amazing souls I know. Even some new ones who I got to connect with. What a pleasure, what awesome fun, and a good network of friends to support each other on this special occasion. As the evening ensued, I realised that even with things not working as we planned – even if we did not end up with a special someone as many would've liked this day – none of that mattered. I was surrounded by love, by the some of the great people I have been blessed with.

After learning a few truths over the weekend, by Monday I was over the hurt and frustration of it all. I finally had come to grips with the situations my sister, myself and two other friends had all been experiencing recently. I came to realise something which I have learnt many times in my life: should you be single, remember not to let it get you down. Do not for one second let any holiday or celebration depress you if you find yourself standing on the path of life with no partner by your side. For if you look around you just a little longer, a bit more carefully, you will notice you are not alone at all. There, all around you in a shroud of protection, a network of support; of love, care, upliftment and positivity – are the ones who never leave your side.

And that’s the greatest, most exceptional Valentine of all.

People False and True

Last week I lost a friend. I never thought it would happen, but it did. The harsh reality of deception, lies and betrayal led to a broken heart. Mine. But, as they say, life goes on - and you have to pick up the pieces moving on as best you can. To keep progressing one needs to continue on. One cannot linger on what was; only on what is now and push forward. It is not easy. Trust me, I can vouch for that. Just remember if this happens to you, whether a friend, partner or anyone else in your life lets you down - and you will have that - don't let it hinder your progress. Don't for one second let it break you. Please remember at all times, whatever you do, do not let yourself succumb to bitterness. You are worth much more than that to let yourself be defeated! 

God has placed people in our lives for a reason, a season or a lifetime. A reason to teach us, or us to teach them. A season for us to grow and learn by something we are going through, or something we need to experience in life for a time to shape and mould us. A lifetime to be there throughout our lives for love, support and to teach us some very important foundations for living. This is a valuable lesson I have learnt throughout my life. We are also there to love, support and care for the people we are blessed with around us. But unfortunately, this is not always a possible sentiment received from others in your life. Yet it is important to learn and grow from whatever we go through, to move past the obstacle, and rise above it. Every little stumbling block you come across your path on the road of life, God will use either teach you, strengthen you or mould you into who you are meant to be. But it is up to us to grab hold of that opportunity to turn it into something that will build our character, not break it down. 

I find myself standing here looking at my life. And what I can see is all the extraordinary people I am left with: some I have known for very many years, others not as long. However all have a very special place in my heart. And I am thankful. So very grateful for those who are always there no matter what. Joy rises in my heart at the thought of that, and helps me forget the past betrayal from certain ex's and false friends. A wise teaching I have learnt through all this is that if people really care and want to be in your life, they will make the effort to do so. In learning this, I have come to a place of peace and let things be as they be. Life is too short to chase the wrong people, situations and focus on the wrong things... 

However, it is also sometimes not about the length of time you have known someone, but the depth of the connection you share. It is in recognising and acknowledging these beautiful souls, the blessings we have in our life and focusing on the right people; that make life so worth living. To good and true friends and wonderful people I am so fortunate to have by my side: much love, thanks and gratitude to you all. Thank you for remaining in my life. My heart and soul is glad to know you.

Things Strong People Avoid Doing

I often write about the things I believe we all should be doing, trying or experimenting with in order to maximize our success and happiness. However, it’s not always the things we do that make the biggest difference in our lives; it’s often the things we avoid doing that have the biggest effect. As human beings, we have a strong aversion to not doing; we feel that in order to produce results, there must be an initial action.

However, because we are almost always doing something, piling on more and more often has a negative effect, rather than a positive one. Among the mentally strong, there are several actions that are avoided in order to produce the greatest benefit in the shortest period of time.

These actions are those that the mentally strong avoid, and that we should consider adapting as our own:

1. Dwelling On The Past
Mentally strong individuals focus on the present moment and on the near future. They understand that the past is out of our control and the far future is about as predictable as the weather this winter (something I have touched on recently!).

2. Remaining In Their Comfort Zone
The comfort zone is a dangerous place, a dark abyss where anyone who remains there for too long loses his or herself entirely. Staying within your comfort zone is giving up on life. We need to truly and wholeheartedly live, grabbing the opportunities that present themselves - whether it is someone you love and want to make a life with, an opportunity, new career/job, etc. You never know when it will be your last day, and how we will regret the things we did not grasp when we had the chance! A very real truth shared by many on their death bed, according to studies conducted in many different studies I have read up n recently. More on that next time...

3. Not Listening To The Opinions Of Others
Only the foolish believe themselves to be sufficient in all regards. When it comes to brainstorming, ideas can’t so much be forced as they can be caught. A good idea is a good idea, regardless of whether or not you came up with it. Don’t let your ego get the better of you; if someone has great advice to give, take it. Once the moment has passed, you will never be able to get it back again!

4. Avoiding Change
What the mentally strong understand that the mentally weak do not is that change is unavoidable. Trying to avoid the inevitable is pointless. Therefore, trying to avoid change is pointless; it’s a mere waste of time and energy. Nothing in this life is permanent, everything is constantly in a cycle of change. So this is a reality we just have to accept at the end of the day.

5. Keeping A Closed Mind
You don’t know everything. Even the things you believe yourself to know are likely to not be entirely true. If you keep a closed mind, you are preventing yourself from learning new material. If you stop learning, you stop living. Knowledge is power, as they say.

6. Letting Others Make Decisions For Them
Only you should be making your own decisions; you can’t allow others to make them for you. All this does is shift the responsibility from you to someone else, but the only person failing in the end is you. If you don’t have the courage to fail, then you don’t have the courage to succeed.

7. Getting Jealous Over The Successes Of Others
When others succeed, you should be happy. If they can do it, so can you. The success of others does not, in any way, lessen the chances of you succeeding. If anything, it should motivate you to keep pushing forward. We are all here in this life together, we should show support and give credit where its due. What you do to others, will come back to you!

8. Thinking About The High Possibility Of Failure
Our thoughts control our perspective; our perspective controls our results. The mentally strong understand this and use this to their advantage. There’s always the chance you may fail, but as long as there is the chance you may succeed, it’s worth trying.

9. Feeling Sorry For Themselves
Stuff happens. Life can be hard. People get hurt; others die. Life isn't all roses and butterflies. You will fall off that horse again and again and again. The question is, are you strong enough to keep getting back on it?

10. Focusing On Their Weaknesses
Although working on our weaknesses does have its benefits, it’s more important to focus on banking on our strengths. The most well-rounded person is not the person that gets the furthest in life. Being average in all regards makes you average. However, mastering a certain skill-set or trait will allow you to beat the competition with less effort.

11. Trying To Please People
A job well done is a job well done, no matter who is judging the final product. You can’t please everybody, but you can always manage to do your very best.

12. Blaming Themselves For Things Outside Their Control
The mentally strong know the things they can control, understand the things they cannot control, and avoid even thinking about that which is completely out of their hands.

13. Being Impatient
Patience isn't just a virtue; it is the virtue. Most people don't fail because they aren't good enough, or aren't capable of winning or succeeding. Most people fail because they are impatient and give up before their time has come.

14. Being Misunderstood
Communication is key in any properly functioning system. When it comes to people, things get a bit more complicated. Simply stating information is never enough; if the receiving party misunderstands you, your message is not being properly relayed. The mentally strong do their best to be understood and have the patience to clear up misunderstandings.

15. Feeling Like You’re Owed
You aren't owed anything in life. You were born; the rest is up to you. Life doesn't owe you anything. Others don’t owe you anything. If you want something in life, you only owe it to yourself to go out and get it. In life, there are no handouts.

16. Repeating Mistakes
Make a mistake once, okay. Make a mistake twice… not so okay. Make the same mistake a third time, you may need to consider you are doing something wrong and not learning the lesson to be learnt from what you are going through. Keep pushing on. And as the saying goes: try, try and try again - but get it right in the end! You can do it!

17. Giving Into Their Fears
The world can be a scary place. Some things frighten us with good cause, but most of our fears are illogical. If you know that you want to try something, try it. If you’re scared, then understand that being scared of failing must mean that succeeding means a whole lot to you.

18. Acting Without Calculating
The mentally strong know better than to act before completely understanding the situation at hand. If you have time to ponder over something and cover all your bases, then do so. Not doing so is pure laziness. And if you have said you have felt a certain way or thought on something a long time - do not dismiss it and make excuses to shirk your way out of responsibility. Face your situation and grapple it head on.

19. Refusing Help From Others
You’re not Superman; you can’t do it all. Even if you can, why should you? If others are offering to help, let them help. Be social. Listen to their ideas and watch how they do things. You may learn something. If not, then you can teach them something and do what humans are meant to do: socialize.

20. Throwing In The Towel
The biggest weakness in all of humanity is giving up — calling it quits, throwing in the towel. The mentally strong go about things in such a way. Only do things if they are important to you; forget the things that aren't important to you. If they’re important to you, then pursue them until you succeed. No exceptions, ever.