Reflection and Remembrance

The past few weeks have been eventful to say the least. I am back, finally and apologise for the silent, dormant pages that is my blog. Wow, I just cannot believe it has been 4 weeks since my last post. How they have flown. Busy days have come and gone – from my computer that crashed and needing to reload everything in its entirety, my scooter breaking down and trying to get it repaired, to sorting out a new one as a replacement, and then to organising my new apartment for my move end of the month. Big changes, but positive and exciting ones also. My week has also ended in sorrow, at the news of an old friend’s passing. How we should care for and pay attention those we are blessed with before it is too late!

Something profound also happened to me the past few weeks. In amongst all the hustle and bustle of daily life and all the happenings of the previous weeks, I realised that after my ordeal end of last year and the months of recovery thereafter; all the stress and strain I had been enduring had all been worked out for my good. Of course, I had gotten over it all initially, but the last few remnants of my broken heart had finally mended in the process. The busy schedule, combined with the many problems and issues I have been dealing with, all consumed my mind and helped me forget all that was. For those of you who do not know, I managed to escape from an abusive relationship that was doomed from the start. I look back now, and am amazed at how far I have come since those days, and how my life has changed for the better in every way, since I made a stand.

Now I look ahead to all that is to come. And I am excited, motivated, inspired. I am a lot stronger for going through what I did and now all the wiser. And so it is with many of life’s stumbling blocks, we need to turn them into stepping stones and move forward. The same way that time only moves forward, like an ever-flowing river, never ceasing for a second; so time ticks unbrokenly towards infinity. We cannot go back. Neither can we jump forward, we can only look down the river and its shores to what is ahead. Let us enjoy the present, wherever we are on our life’s journey. Let us also not forget our families and friends who need us by their side, before their journey ends. We cannot, no matter how much we worry over it, go back against the current of the river of time.

There is a quote I heard about a week or two ago, which has so much relevance to me now: “Time is like a river, you can never touch the same water twice because the flow that has gone by will never go by again. Enjoy your life today, because yesterday is gone and tomorrow may never come. Enjoy every moment of your life!”

We should learn from this, and remember it indeed.

The Greatest Valentine: Love for my Family & Friends

Valentine’s Day – a day numerous people all over the world utilise as a special day on which to spoil their loved ones, and show their love. However, we find more and more these days how the world around us has capitalised on this (as well as other holidays in the year). We sometimes seem to lose sight of the fact that we also don’t need one specific day to show our love and care to others, but in fact, every day should be like Valentine’s Day for those we hold most dear.

This year I had big plans for this Friday past. I planned on putting up this post too but am glad I was too busy and never got around to it; because really, as I have just said, is not necessary to express my feelings on just this one particular day and be clichéd in doing so! So, now that I look back on what was a rather eventful and rather ‘interesting’ evening, a few things have stood out for me.

My dear sister and I, made plans to do something together this year as we are both currently single. We went down to the beach to one of the bonfire parties they hold periodically in tribute of various festivals and special occasions. We were so keen. The beach is both of our favourite places to be, and under a full moon rising, even more so and magical a place we could not resist to be. This past week had brought about new stresses with it, things I learnt and experienced: being deceived again by someone I did not expect this from – and this after I was still getting over losing a best friend who did the same. Yet, I still had an aura of positivity wrapped around me, and nothing was going to destroy the evening I so looked forward to.

As I stepped onto the cool, soft sands of the moonlit beach, I could hear the sound of drums, music, laughter and merrymaking. The first voice which came to my ears was that of my sister, my best friend, my twin soul. Joy filled my heart and for a moment; I forgot about the doubts lingering in the dark corners of my mind. Here I was home. Here, amongst those who love me dearly. Nothing else mattered. Some friends of ours met us there, and in no time I found myself surrounded by some of the most awesome and amazing souls I know. Even some new ones who I got to connect with. What a pleasure, what awesome fun, and a good network of friends to support each other on this special occasion. As the evening ensued, I realised that even with things not working as we planned – even if we did not end up with a special someone as many would've liked this day – none of that mattered. I was surrounded by love, by the some of the great people I have been blessed with.

After learning a few truths over the weekend, by Monday I was over the hurt and frustration of it all. I finally had come to grips with the situations my sister, myself and two other friends had all been experiencing recently. I came to realise something which I have learnt many times in my life: should you be single, remember not to let it get you down. Do not for one second let any holiday or celebration depress you if you find yourself standing on the path of life with no partner by your side. For if you look around you just a little longer, a bit more carefully, you will notice you are not alone at all. There, all around you in a shroud of protection, a network of support; of love, care, upliftment and positivity – are the ones who never leave your side.

And that’s the greatest, most exceptional Valentine of all.

People False and True

Last week I lost a friend. I never thought it would happen, but it did. The harsh reality of deception, lies and betrayal led to a broken heart. Mine. But, as they say, life goes on - and you have to pick up the pieces moving on as best you can. To keep progressing one needs to continue on. One cannot linger on what was; only on what is now and push forward. It is not easy. Trust me, I can vouch for that. Just remember if this happens to you, whether a friend, partner or anyone else in your life lets you down - and you will have that - don't let it hinder your progress. Don't for one second let it break you. Please remember at all times, whatever you do, do not let yourself succumb to bitterness. You are worth much more than that to let yourself be defeated! 

God has placed people in our lives for a reason, a season or a lifetime. A reason to teach us, or us to teach them. A season for us to grow and learn by something we are going through, or something we need to experience in life for a time to shape and mould us. A lifetime to be there throughout our lives for love, support and to teach us some very important foundations for living. This is a valuable lesson I have learnt throughout my life. We are also there to love, support and care for the people we are blessed with around us. But unfortunately, this is not always a possible sentiment received from others in your life. Yet it is important to learn and grow from whatever we go through, to move past the obstacle, and rise above it. Every little stumbling block you come across your path on the road of life, God will use either teach you, strengthen you or mould you into who you are meant to be. But it is up to us to grab hold of that opportunity to turn it into something that will build our character, not break it down. 

I find myself standing here looking at my life. And what I can see is all the extraordinary people I am left with: some I have known for very many years, others not as long. However all have a very special place in my heart. And I am thankful. So very grateful for those who are always there no matter what. Joy rises in my heart at the thought of that, and helps me forget the past betrayal from certain ex's and false friends. A wise teaching I have learnt through all this is that if people really care and want to be in your life, they will make the effort to do so. In learning this, I have come to a place of peace and let things be as they be. Life is too short to chase the wrong people, situations and focus on the wrong things... 

However, it is also sometimes not about the length of time you have known someone, but the depth of the connection you share. It is in recognising and acknowledging these beautiful souls, the blessings we have in our life and focusing on the right people; that make life so worth living. To good and true friends and wonderful people I am so fortunate to have by my side: much love, thanks and gratitude to you all. Thank you for remaining in my life. My heart and soul is glad to know you.

Things Strong People Avoid Doing

I often write about the things I believe we all should be doing, trying or experimenting with in order to maximize our success and happiness. However, it’s not always the things we do that make the biggest difference in our lives; it’s often the things we avoid doing that have the biggest effect. As human beings, we have a strong aversion to not doing; we feel that in order to produce results, there must be an initial action.

However, because we are almost always doing something, piling on more and more often has a negative effect, rather than a positive one. Among the mentally strong, there are several actions that are avoided in order to produce the greatest benefit in the shortest period of time.

These actions are those that the mentally strong avoid, and that we should consider adapting as our own:

1. Dwelling On The Past
Mentally strong individuals focus on the present moment and on the near future. They understand that the past is out of our control and the far future is about as predictable as the weather this winter (something I have touched on recently!).

2. Remaining In Their Comfort Zone
The comfort zone is a dangerous place, a dark abyss where anyone who remains there for too long loses his or herself entirely. Staying within your comfort zone is giving up on life. We need to truly and wholeheartedly live, grabbing the opportunities that present themselves - whether it is someone you love and want to make a life with, an opportunity, new career/job, etc. You never know when it will be your last day, and how we will regret the things we did not grasp when we had the chance! A very real truth shared by many on their death bed, according to studies conducted in many different studies I have read up n recently. More on that next time...

3. Not Listening To The Opinions Of Others
Only the foolish believe themselves to be sufficient in all regards. When it comes to brainstorming, ideas can’t so much be forced as they can be caught. A good idea is a good idea, regardless of whether or not you came up with it. Don’t let your ego get the better of you; if someone has great advice to give, take it. Once the moment has passed, you will never be able to get it back again!

4. Avoiding Change
What the mentally strong understand that the mentally weak do not is that change is unavoidable. Trying to avoid the inevitable is pointless. Therefore, trying to avoid change is pointless; it’s a mere waste of time and energy. Nothing in this life is permanent, everything is constantly in a cycle of change. So this is a reality we just have to accept at the end of the day.

5. Keeping A Closed Mind
You don’t know everything. Even the things you believe yourself to know are likely to not be entirely true. If you keep a closed mind, you are preventing yourself from learning new material. If you stop learning, you stop living. Knowledge is power, as they say.

6. Letting Others Make Decisions For Them
Only you should be making your own decisions; you can’t allow others to make them for you. All this does is shift the responsibility from you to someone else, but the only person failing in the end is you. If you don’t have the courage to fail, then you don’t have the courage to succeed.

7. Getting Jealous Over The Successes Of Others
When others succeed, you should be happy. If they can do it, so can you. The success of others does not, in any way, lessen the chances of you succeeding. If anything, it should motivate you to keep pushing forward. We are all here in this life together, we should show support and give credit where its due. What you do to others, will come back to you!

8. Thinking About The High Possibility Of Failure
Our thoughts control our perspective; our perspective controls our results. The mentally strong understand this and use this to their advantage. There’s always the chance you may fail, but as long as there is the chance you may succeed, it’s worth trying.

9. Feeling Sorry For Themselves
Stuff happens. Life can be hard. People get hurt; others die. Life isn't all roses and butterflies. You will fall off that horse again and again and again. The question is, are you strong enough to keep getting back on it?

10. Focusing On Their Weaknesses
Although working on our weaknesses does have its benefits, it’s more important to focus on banking on our strengths. The most well-rounded person is not the person that gets the furthest in life. Being average in all regards makes you average. However, mastering a certain skill-set or trait will allow you to beat the competition with less effort.

11. Trying To Please People
A job well done is a job well done, no matter who is judging the final product. You can’t please everybody, but you can always manage to do your very best.

12. Blaming Themselves For Things Outside Their Control
The mentally strong know the things they can control, understand the things they cannot control, and avoid even thinking about that which is completely out of their hands.

13. Being Impatient
Patience isn't just a virtue; it is the virtue. Most people don't fail because they aren't good enough, or aren't capable of winning or succeeding. Most people fail because they are impatient and give up before their time has come.

14. Being Misunderstood
Communication is key in any properly functioning system. When it comes to people, things get a bit more complicated. Simply stating information is never enough; if the receiving party misunderstands you, your message is not being properly relayed. The mentally strong do their best to be understood and have the patience to clear up misunderstandings.

15. Feeling Like You’re Owed
You aren't owed anything in life. You were born; the rest is up to you. Life doesn't owe you anything. Others don’t owe you anything. If you want something in life, you only owe it to yourself to go out and get it. In life, there are no handouts.

16. Repeating Mistakes
Make a mistake once, okay. Make a mistake twice… not so okay. Make the same mistake a third time, you may need to consider you are doing something wrong and not learning the lesson to be learnt from what you are going through. Keep pushing on. And as the saying goes: try, try and try again - but get it right in the end! You can do it!

17. Giving Into Their Fears
The world can be a scary place. Some things frighten us with good cause, but most of our fears are illogical. If you know that you want to try something, try it. If you’re scared, then understand that being scared of failing must mean that succeeding means a whole lot to you.

18. Acting Without Calculating
The mentally strong know better than to act before completely understanding the situation at hand. If you have time to ponder over something and cover all your bases, then do so. Not doing so is pure laziness. And if you have said you have felt a certain way or thought on something a long time - do not dismiss it and make excuses to shirk your way out of responsibility. Face your situation and grapple it head on.

19. Refusing Help From Others
You’re not Superman; you can’t do it all. Even if you can, why should you? If others are offering to help, let them help. Be social. Listen to their ideas and watch how they do things. You may learn something. If not, then you can teach them something and do what humans are meant to do: socialize.

20. Throwing In The Towel
The biggest weakness in all of humanity is giving up — calling it quits, throwing in the towel. The mentally strong go about things in such a way. Only do things if they are important to you; forget the things that aren't important to you. If they’re important to you, then pursue them until you succeed. No exceptions, ever.

Focus on Your Dreams

Recently, busy has not been the word! Thinking back to my first post of the year regarding setting goals, I distinctly remembering how I set mine. One of which being to write more often! How the days seemed to whiz by, fading into a blur of life, work, family and other plans. Only until one finally seems to jump off and escape this merry-go-round of time, do we then realise time has passed us by too fast. Again, pondering the same post I mentioned a moment ago, I was also speaking about living in the now. Good thing at times like these, life can pass you by too quickly! Taking note, this being a perfect example…

I am pleased to say that I am back and ready to start focusing on my goals. Namely one very big one I set for myself and that is to concentrate more on my writing. And so, after much deliberation on recent events in my own life (some great ones like my mom’s wedding, and others not so great such as getting my heart broken by nearest and dearest people to me); I look ahead with anticipation to the task ahead of me. Instead of dwelling on the negative, I always choose positivity, and how I can use this to my advantage. One way I have managed this in the past, is to write – whether it is submerging myself in my novels, or expressing my feelings (whatever they may be at the time) in poetry. So look out for more on these later. I have updated my blog a bit to accommodate news and info on this, so I feel I am set and ready to go! :)

In other words, there is no time like the present! Now is the time to do what you dreamed of, been putting off or keep forgetting due to life getting in the way. It is time to make time for my passions in life, and you should do the same. One never knows when it is too late and today was your last. I encourage you all to keep persevering. We have all been blessed with certain gifts, and is up to us to develop and use these talents to make something of them, and so in turn, help others along the way. This year is to be the year that I start getting somewhere with my dreams to publish my work. What will you be doing and focusing on, to get ahead?

Guidelines for Relationships

After recently going through a bad break up a few months ago, I have learnt a few more things about relationships which are so important to focus on. The fact is, we never truly stop learning until the day we die, but it is in embracing life and grabbing hold of every opportunity to learn from it, that we really begin to grow and move on in life. As the old saying goes, we cannot move on if we keep re-reading the last chapter of our lives.

I always believe in taking the positive from every situation, even if the circumstances one goes through may be dreadful; it is better to take what you can learn from what you went through than to focus on the negative. The other day I was busy reading an article on the net and came across this brilliantly written and inspiring piece by another blogger. I thought to myself, wow indeed, these rules are very true to remember when in a relationship – no matter if you are a guy or a girl – and some very good advice. A lot of which I live by, but some I needed to be reminded of!

The focus here also is that my mom is to be married tomorrow, and I have been remembering what she always taught us about love. As in the words of the verse found in 1 Corinthians 13, it teaches us what love is all about, and that love never fails! I am so grateful that she taught us this, as there is so much brokenness in this world and people who miss the point when it comes to loving someone. For if you truly love them, you will be prepared to make it work and never give up until the very end. Nothing should stand in your way, because love can overcome any obstacle. So let’s give it all, working at our relationships diligently.

And so, I wish you all the best, always in all your relationships. May they flourish and grow. May you find happiness with the one you love and want to make a life with. Time waits for no-one, so grab that opportunity now to let the one you love know how you feel about them, before it is too late. One never knows what tomorrow may bring, and lose out on what may have been the best time of your life.

Here it is, just something I thought I would share with you all…

Twelve Boyfriend Rules
1. Always pick him up from the airport. Don’t drive by and pick him up. Be there when he comes down the stairs. Anyone who’s seen Love Actually knows how important this is.
2. Sometimes leaving him alone for a bit is the best love you can give.
3. Even if he says he doesn’t like flowers. Give them anyway.
4. No matter how annoying…ALWAYS say good things about his family. Even if he doesn’t. At least for the first year.
5. Cooking him dinner is the best gift you can give. Anything that shows you worked your butt off just for him.
6. Sometimes you don’t need to give any advice. Don’t ever say “well you should have…”. Just listen, support him and say “it’ll be ok”.
7. If he says he doesn’t want help. He doesn’t. He probably wants to impress you. Let him.
8. When in an argument don’t bring other people’s opinions into it. “My Mom thinks…”, “Dana at work thinks…”. They only “think”. They don’t “know”. This is YOUR relationship. Only you two know the whole story. Others don’t.
9. Ask what you can do in bed that would make him crazy. Even if he says there’s nothing…he has something.
10. If he has a favorite movie. Even if you don’t like it. Watch it with him a couple of times, and keep your negative opinions to yourself.
11. Celebrate his birthday. No matter what he says.
12. On second thought cooking BREAKFAST is the best thing you can do for him.

New Day, New Year, a New Perspective on Things

Well, the new year of 2014 has finally dawned upon us and the memories of Christmas and the Festive Season all gone by. What was only a few weeks ago, seems like a distant memory now. Some of you, like me, have recently returned from holiday and are back at work/school/studies and the like. And in true New Year traditions, we find ourselves looking behind us on the road from whence we came; but also ahead to what is before us.

Resolutions – always something most of us consider at this point in time. Have you thought about what you would like to achieve this year? I believe this is a very good tradition in that it allows us to re-evaluate our dreams, goals, and things we have and would still like to achieve going forward in our lives. However, let us not dwell too much on the past; we need to look at right now.

As my mom always taught us growing up, there are three times you go through in life: yesterday, today and tomorrow…

• Yesterday is gone. It is over, and there is no going back. Time moves forward endlessly with a force unstoppable. So there is no point in reflecting too much on what was. Nothing anyone could possibly do will ever change that, and no amount of worrying and stressing on the past can change what was.
• Tomorrow is uncertain. Who is really assured of a tomorrow? No-one knows for sure they will even live past today, so why worry and fret over future events which have not happened?
• The only day one needs to truly focus on is today. It is the very moment we are in right now. All we have is the present, and it is in this very moment that one can make a change, live to the fullest and be the best you can be. Plan for what’s ahead, of course, but do not forget that one must leave the worry out of it!

Now is the time to grab hold of what you love, and what you want in your life. The perfect time may never come, and you could miss out on something amazing. So don't let it pass you by. Take the opportunity to tell the person you love how you feel, use the time you have to do what you have a passion for, plan that trip or read that book. Anything really you want to do, do it now! 

So, with this in mind, where have we come from this past year? Are there perhaps goals and dreams you perhaps did not accomplish last year? Do you feel like you failed? Don’t meditate on it. Remember you are blessed with another day, and it is a new year. It’s a new year to plan ahead and set new goals, or try again on old ones. You have been blessed with another chance to make a change. As I say this, I am pondering on my own life too, so take heart, you are not alone...

Merry Christmas!

Best wishes to and yours, may you be blessed now and throughout the coming year. Praying for love, happiness, success and good things for you all.

Let us remember the less fortunate, the homeless, orphans and lonely souls out there in this time. My thoughts and prayers go out to them, and I just realise all over again how blessed we really are, in so many ways.

Hope it was a marvelous day. Merry Christmas guys!

  

Look Ahead - Not Backward!

I was sitting here at home just a moment ago, thinking back. Back on the year (and years before) gone by. Wow, so much has happened in just this year, let alone all the others before that. Incredible isn't it, when reminiscing as such, you realise how far you have come?

As we approach Christmas, and then New Year’s Eve after that, a lot of us will find ourselves looking upon our past year and what has led us up to what is right now. I admit; a lot of your and my choices I have made have ended up in disaster. But then I consider to myself, what of all the good choices we have made? As I mentioned the other day, everything happens for a reason! What is done is done. It is behind us, and so now we find ourselves upon the precipice of decision to move on: we are all the wiser, have added knowledge, are even stronger, and more mature. Hopefully, we have learnt from what we endured. If we haven’t, it is best to start now. What better time to do so anyway before the next year dawns upon us?

We needed to go through the trials, the hardships, and even the good times. The retrenchments, breakups, accidents were necessary for our growth. The new jobs and promotions, new romance or friendships, and other things we are blessed with – all very essential for our life’s journey. The bad experiences along with the good are there to teach us. Don’t fall short and lose the lesson which you can learn from what you have been through. Grasp it, analyse how you can use it to your advantage, and learn the lesson (however small) – and grow.

Again contemplating on what was, I turn my thoughts yet again to what is to come. Life is to be travelled forwards, not backwards. Remember that. So look ahead, look to what is now. Look at your future and how you can apply what you have learnt in life. Pick yourself up out of the pit of sorrow, pain, hurt, disappointment, depression – and move on to the next chapter in your life. Things always get better, and awesome days are ahead of you! That is a fact.

Everything Happens for a Reason

Whether you believe it or not, everything does indeed happen for a reason. In the orchestra of life, so much is taking place around us at all times - some of which we are aware of, whilst other things we are totally oblivious to. Through the past few months, I have been reminded of this time and again…

There are many illustrations I could use. One example is perhaps a vehicle driving slow on the road in front of you on your way to work, causing you to be late. We may not realise this, but someone ahead on your path could have jumped the traffic light carelessly; and in another reality, would've collided with you should you have not encountered the slow-moving vehicle. Situations such as these have occurred to me personally, a few times over. In the greater plan for our lives, and what is meant to be, it may not be our time to depart this plane of existence just yet. Rather than getting upset over the incident, let us stop to consider the bigger picture and so, preserve ourselves from frustration and irritation. Just because we do not know it at the time, or why, does not mean there is not a reason for this. There may be a very good reason why certain things happen the way they do!

What about that partner who selfishlessly betrays or cheats on you? Yes indeed, it is mountain of hurt, anger, defeat and emotional pain tumbles down and crushes us. Anyone dreads this. It is the one of the worst stresses we have to endure in our existence here on Earth. This has been something that happened to me not so long ago in my own life. I must say, I did suffer for a time - but I have chosen to look at the lessons to be learnt, how I can potentially grow and strengthen myself, and to consider that (at the very least) that this was not meant to be.

People will also come into your life for various reasons, most of the time unbeknownst to us at that moment, for a reason (to teach us something), a season (to be with us for whatever reason at a particular time in our lives), or a lifetime (these are the true friends, special family members and people who, no matter what, will always be at your side). And so, I have picked myself up out of the dirt and carried on with life, knowing there are bigger and better purposes which God intends for us. The right people come and go into your life, at all the right times. And most times, the wrong people leaving are to make place for exactly the right ones. This is something to look forward to!

I urge all of you to take heart if you are going through trials, it will not last forever and only a period. But most of all, remember that you will come out better than before, if you just choose to take the negative and turn it into a positive. You are worth much more than you know; do not let the stresses of life weigh down on you and crush your hopes and dreams. It will all work out in the end. And God has promised us this, all for our good.